Learn to be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not.
Grayson's POV
Dad's clearing of his throat brought me back to reality, the present state. How Ashley and I got to a point where we almost kissed when we were supposed to be playing Twenty Questions shakes me to the core. Dad just left my room, he reprimanded me seriously for our actions. As it stands, he didn't like what he saw and that was the main reason why he was in my room a few seconds ago. And for Ashley, it was obvious she felt embarrassed, and it got worse when Dad didn't say anything after he interrupted us but rather gave us 'the look' before climbing upstairs right after which Dylan arrived to pick her up.
I was entranced once our eyes met, I couldn't tear my eyes away and that's how we ended up close to almost kissing.
I wonder what she thinks of me now. That was going too far on my part, I bet she thinks the worst of me. She probably thinks I was trying to take advantage of her, doesn't she? I would think so of myself too if I were in her stead. Gosh! Gray, what were you thinking? Yeah! What was I thinking at all? It's all so disrespectful, So disrespectful of me.
What to do?
Should I tell Pierson? He could have some wisdom to share with me. No! I don't know, what's he going to think? That I went too far just like I think or? Well, I'm going to have to ask him to know his opinion, what he thinks about this.
I pick up my phone from my back pocket and dial his number.
It went straight to voicemail so I hung up.
What to do?
Send a text?
Definitely!. I quickly send a text message.
Me: Something's happened and I think I messed up.
It doesn't take long for a reply to come through.
Pier: What happened?
Me: I called you not long ago, but it went straight to voicemail. How come you are replying to my message this same instant?
Pier: I was in the shower. Just came out, I took my phone and realized I missed a call from you. I was about to call back when your text came through. What was it you wanted to tell me, I can sense something unusual.
Me: I nearly kissed Ashley.
Pier: Aaaand.....what stopped you?
Me: My dad.
Pier: Woah bro, how did it get to that? It's definitely a call.
And just then he called, I picked up and told him everything. He listened silently as I spoke and when I was done I sighed, waiting for him to say something, anything. He says nothing, instead he just releases a puff of breath.
"Are you still there?" I ask.
"Yeah." He says.
"So?"
"Figure it out yourself man."
"Seriously, man?"
"Better still talk to her about it."
"What am I going to say?"
"I don't know. Think over what you want, you'll know what to say to her then."
I sigh, totally frustrated. "Okay." I reply, "bye!"
"You've got this."
"Mmmm......" I say before hanging up.
What I want? What do I want?
I place my phone on my lampstand before diving into bed, with this question in mind as I drift off to sleep.
__ __
I woke up this morning thinking of what to do, what I would say to her when we met. I get to school, wondering what might be of the day. Most importantly, how she's going to act around me. Is she still going to feel embarrassed? I walked to class and immediately I entered I looked towards her seat, but she wasn't in it. I quickly walked towards mine and took my seat. A few minutes later, she enters the class and walks towards her seat, not long after which the teacher enters.
Throughout the classes, she was quieter than usual, so unlike her. And she seemed lost in class for the umpteenth time. I was wondering if it was all because of yesterday. Is it? If it is, what should I do? Most importantly, how do I talk to her? What do you say in situations like these? Never ever in my entire life did I think situations like this are difficult. I mean, I've never had someone I liked like this before. It was always just friendship to me and silly childlike crushes that I got over with time. None of it felt this way, until her. Is the universe trying to say something to me?
Lunch happens and I was looking forward to seeing and talking to her. Just to say hi, God knows I need strength to talk to her about what happened yesterday. I won't be able to do about it on the table when everyone's around. Unless I probably have some alone time with her, which I don't know if would happen.
Pierson, Cole, and I went to the cafeteria, and I looked around in search of Ashley and Cam. I rather spot Cam and Lucas with no Ashley in sight. My face falls at this as disappointment washes over me. Could it be that ....?
No! I have to think positively.
She's probably doing something and would be a bit later than usual, right?!
We walk towards their table and once we reach it, Cam lifts her head, sensing our presence. Pierson shoots Cam a grin- which she tries to return but can't due to the food stuck in her mouth, instead, it looks like a grimace- as we take our seats. Involuntarily my eyes shift towards Lucas who was shooting daggers at Pierson, if looks could cause murder, I'm sure my dear friend would have been murdered in cold blood by now.
"Where's Ashley?" Pierson asks Cam, unaware of Lucas's haughty glare.
"She's doing something, she wouldn't be joining us for lunch today."
Just with this sentence emanating from her lips, my heart felt sunk and maybe slightly bruised.
Ashley's POV
Today's the second day after that incident, you know what. Since yesterday, Cam's been asking what's wrong with me, she's doing the same today too. According to her, I'm acting weird, I know. I mean how could I lay before her the truth that Grayson and I nearly did what we were not supposed to be doing in the first place? Goodness! Memories of that day keep flashing before me like a sore thumb, making me shudder in what-ifs. What if Grayson's father never arrived, and the unthinkable had happened, where would that leave both of us? What if I never hugged him, would we be in this mess?
The whole of yesterday and today too, I've spent it trying to avoid his gaze, the embarrassment I'm feeling is too much. When he entered the class this morning and our gaze met accidentally, I hurriedly placed my head on my desk just to avoid him as I sucked in a sharp breath. That's probably shitty of me, but what were you expecting me to do? Jump out of my seat, rush to him, and peck him on the cheek? Definitely not! So I did what I was best at doing, hiding. Oops!!, did I just admit to that? Well, it's the truth and I'm not going to lie to myself that that isn't who I am. I'm sorry but that's the kind of person I am. When the going gets tough, I hide. I feel guilty afterward yet I still do it, hide. You can call me a wimp if you like. I'm definitely not offended at that. Cam keeps telling me to face reality and not hide but I can't. It's not that I haven't tried, I have.
I honestly thought everything was going okay- I mean yesterday it was easy to avoid him- until English had to happen. I can't believe I forgot. One way or the other we would have to face each other, I know, but I didn't expect it to be this early. Why this early? Just because of him, I didn't have lunch in the cafeteria yesterday. I knew he and his friends would join our table so I lied to Cam. I told her that I needed to do something urgently and that she should go without me. If she knew something was up or I was lying to her, she never voiced it out, she just gave me a look and just left it at that. She knows me too well.
When she came back from lunch she was just like Grayson this, Grayson that. She was trying to force a word or two of the truth out of me, that I could tell, yet I didn't say anything. I can't bring myself to tell her about that incident. She'll just repeat her mantra. Grayson and you this, Grayson and you that, and now's not the time for it. My head's already a mess, I don't want more messes.
My heartbeat is at an abnormal pace now because Miss Brooke just entered the class for English lesson.
Do you know what that means?
********
Heeey!!!
How are y'all doing?
So this chapter is dedicated to @Shasha_Zw and @Lewascrom, your comments make my day. Lots of love for the support. Love you guys.
And to @JoannaWard7, you asked for an early update, so here it is.
Anyways, how's this Chapter?
What do you think is happening? What are they both thinking? Grayson? Ashley?