I sighed as I kept my books in my locker. I stood there still looking inside my locker waiting for everyone to pass me. I didn't feel like wanting to be the centre of attention for people. Talking about me, pitying me. Just no. Not right now.
We were all done with our classes for today and everyone left as I was still stuck here waiting for everyone to get out. I was going to Brian's apartment and I am sure he would be waiting for me in the parking lot.
When I was sure there was no one around me I slammed it shut. As soon as I closed it I couldn't help but be startled and put a hand on my heart from the fact that how fast it was beating.
He was leaning just beside my locker with his arms crossed. His hazel eyes looking at me as I shook my head at him in frustration.
"What do you want?" I asked not interested one bit.
I was already full of Xavier today. I didn't want anymore of him today. But guess what? He always decides to show up when I don't want him. Interesting.
"You are mad." He stated as a matter of fact.
"I am not, now if you will excuse me." I said stepping away from him.
I didn't even take two steps when he took hold of my wrist,
"Pancake." He whispered.
I snapped my head towards him. Is he for real? He holds an audition to find him a girlfriend, then he insults me, says he doesn't care for me. And the guy still has the nerve to call me pancake.
"You know it would be better if you don't call me that while you are dating."I said.
"Is it about that?" He asked unbelievably, "Are you mad at me because I am having a girlfriend? You were the one who told me to have one!"
I snatched my hands away from his grip and faced him, "Let me see, I remember telling you to have a girlfriend not insult me."
"I was mad, okay?" He ran his hands frustratedly through his hair.
"That you insulted me? Wow, it is really a good way to show." He opened his mouth but I held my hand out to him, "Xavier, please. I don't want to talk to you today. You have already done enough for today. I don't have more energy left in me. I think you should go and spend some time with your girlfriend."
"You mean Olivia?" He asked. I could see a smile appear on his face. He seemed kind of happy that I was affected by him having a girlfriend. But truth to be told as much as I cared, I didn't. Not right now. I was too exhausted.
And I was not a bit surprised hearing Olivia's name. I guessed it. I knew it. I know Xavier.
He stepped away from the locker and came and stood in front of me. I couldn't help but look up at him in the eyes while he looked down at me,
"I am here for you." He said.
Did I hear him right? Man oh man, either my ears are going deaf or Xavier's having a slip of tongue.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
He sighed shaking his head before holding onto my hand and taking me with him, "I am here to take you. I am driving you back home."
Driving me back home. Like he always has.
I stopped in between making him stop too. He turned around to look at me confused,
"Whoever said I am going with you?" I asked laughing lightly at him. He was delusional to think I was going anywhere with him today. Especially when he made such a big chaos out of it in the cafeteria.
"What do you mean?" He looked at me a little baffled.
This was the first time that I actually saw him baffled. Lost for words.
I am actually doing a pretty good job at it today. Making people at the loss of words. First, Brian and now him. I found a new talent in me.
"I meant exactly what you heard. I am not going anywhere with you. For god's sake Xavier you have a girlfriend. Go take care of her."
"Are you for real? She is my girlfriend but you are my fiancee."
I could feel my heart soften at his words. You are my fiancee. He cares, right? And I am getting softened by his words. But should I? I mean I always get softened by him and then again he always ends up hurting me more than the last time.
I was about to open my mouth but I stopped as I heard him say his next words,
"Besides what will we tell your parents if they come to know?"
Wow. This is the truth. He didn't care about me. He cared about his image in front of my parents. Is this the new side of Xavier I am seeing? Or has he been this asshole from the start and I am just noticing it now?
If my anger could be measured by my punch, Xavier would be lying around here with his mouth open.
"You know what Xavier? I don't care." I took a step towards him while poking in his chest, "I don't care what they think about you anymore. They should just know who you actually are. Let them like you for who you are and not the pretentious person you show!"
"Liya," he whispered looking at me with...I don't know why but... was it hurt in his eyes? Nah, I don't think so. The stone cold Xavier doesn't feel anything. Not for me.
"Gosh Xavier." I held onto my head as realization dawned upon me, "You really are a douche."
He seemed surprised and confused as I held onto my head tightly. He really never liked me. All he ever did was for an ulterior motive. He acted nice and good to look good. Oh my god, it all made sense now. He wasn't confusing me. I was the one confusing myself.
"I don't know what is happening to you but," he started but I stopped him.
"I am such an idiot," I shook my head laughing at myself. Xavier couldn't help but look at me with bafflement, and horror in his eyes.
I stopped for a moment as I saw two people passing by us. They looked at both of us before whispering and going away. This is what I have been for people, a gossip. As soon as they were gone I looked back at Xavier who still had eyes pinned down on me. I continued,
"You always do everything for an ulterior motive. Wow. Let me ask you, what was your motive behind taking me to that amusement park, huh?" I asked getting loud and cocky.
I can't believe it was me who was speaking to Xavier like this. The girl who loved and did everything he told her to do. All I ever wanted in return was his love. Which I never got. Maybe this was the suppressed anger, disappointment which was taking control over me. Yelling at Xavier.
And maybe I will regret it. Maybe not. But I was loving it. Letting it all out. Because now I know what love should be like. Love should be when you respect another person, just like Brian respected Evie. You love them no matter what. And most of all you show them that you care.
This time Xavier got angry as he gripped my arms tight looking into my brown eyes, "There was no ulterior motive." He grinded his teeth.
"Lie. All you do is lie." I took a step towards him once again before he put his hand on my mouth making me shut. I mumbled but he kept it firmly placed there. His hazel eyes were gazing into my eyes,
"You need to calm down." He breathed out with his heavy voice, "And go. Get away and go home. I don't want to do anything I will regret later."
I think I pushed a little too far. I didn't have any control over my mouth. Did I ruin my any chance with him completely?
As my anger vanished and I came to more of my senses I just realized what I had done and said. Do I regret saying that? No. I don't. But I should have been a little more discrete and not so harsh about it.
No. He deserved it. After treating me the way he did he deserved it. And Brian told me to play hard to get. Wasn't that what I was doing? No? Okay.
"Before you go just know that I didn't have any ulterior motive." He said staring into both my eyes. And for a minute I could see that he wanted me to believe him. He cleared his throat, " And you are the one who told me to date anyone I want. I am just doing what you said."
I rolled my eyes. Yeah turn it on me.
"And it's okay if you don't want to come to school with me. I understand." He whispered the last words before removing his hands away from my mouth and turning around to leave. I stared at his retreating figure. He slipped his hands into his pocket as he went out.
He understands? No, he doesn't.
I felt my bag drop down on the floor as I stared at it lying there. I stood there frozen--just staring at my bag.
I am so confused right now. I wanted to cry.
What am I suppose to feel about Xavier? I was definitely and hopelessly in love with him before. But now it is fluctuating. One moment I love him and another I hate him for all he does. He messes with my brain very badly but sometimes he says those words which I want him to say.
"Liya! Gosh. The whole school is empty. What are you staring at? It's not going to come and climb on your shoulder on it's own. Come on. We have a plan to discuss."
I looked in the front and noticed Brian standing at the entry from where Xavier just left. He motioned with his hands for me to hurry up. I nodded at him before taking the bag with me.
___