Chapter 38: Chapter 3: Penelope

Mason

~I can’t believe it!~

It wasn’t music to my ears. I didn’t know what to make of it. All this time I’d been gone, traveling the world trying to figure my shit out, I had no idea what I had left behind.

A daughter!

I leaned back against the wall of the elevator, muttering, “This can’t be true.”

~This isn’t me. I’m not father material. I don’t know the first thing about raising a child.~

I stepped out of the elevator, feeling rage as I walked toward my father’s office. How could he not have told me about this?

I’d seen more of him than anyone since I’d been back. How could he not have said something? I pushed open the door to my father’s office and walked inside to see that he was already gone.

“Everything okay?” Eoin asked, and I turned around and looked at him.

He was holding some paperwork in his hand. I guessed he was working late to stay in my father’s good books.

“My father. I need to speak with him. Where is he?” I asked.

“He left about thirty minutes ago.” He was studying me, sensing that something was up. “What’s going on, Mason?”

I walked toward the bar and grabbed a bottle of my father’s scotch. “It’s Jamie. I just found out that she has a kid. My kid.”

“Oh,” Eoin replied, but he didn’t say any more. He walked into the office, placed his work on my father’s desk, and sat down.

“I take it you knew about this,” I said, and Eoin nodded his head in reply. “Of course you did. I’m probably the only one that didn’t. How stupid I must look.”

“You’re not taking the news well by the looks of it. I know it must be one hell of a surprise to you. Jamie tried to find you so you could be there. We all did.”

I walked toward the desk with two glasses of scotch in hand and sat down in my father’s chair. “How do I know that she’s even mine? I left. Jamie might have slept around with other men.”

He shook his head.

“How could you say that? Of course she’s yours. She looks just like you. Anyway, Jamie was pregnant before you even left. She hasn’t dated anyone since. She’s too caught up in you.”

I moved the scotch glass across the desk toward him. He was wrong about her. She hated me; I could tell. The dinner was hard for her. She couldn’t look at me. Not like she did before.

“I’ve missed out on so much of her life.” I rested back in my chair with a sigh. “I don’t know the first thing about being a father. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“You’re not doing it alone. You’ll learn as you go along. Don’t make a mistake and run away from this.”

Eoin stood up from his chair and picked up the files. “You’re lucky, you know. Penelope is a great little girl.”

I looked up at Eoin in surprise after hearing the name. “Penelope?”

“That’s what Jamie called her, after your mother. I should get back to work. Don’t drink too much.” He walked out of the office and back to his.

I was alone with my thoughts, looking down at the glass of scotch in front of me. It had been a while since I’d had a drink. A long while.

I’d been trying to keep myself on the right track. I felt like I needed it now more than ever.

Penelope.

***

I knocked on the door and waited in anticipation. Eoin gave me the address, but he wasn’t sure if it was right or not. ~I guess I’m about to find out.~

Jamie opened the door, surprised to see my face on the other side. “Mason, what are you doing here? How do you know where I live?”

“Eoin told me. I want to see her, Jamie. I need to see her. Can I come in?”

She folded her arms across her chest, feeling the breeze from the outside. “It’s late. She’s asleep already.”

“I just want to see her. I won’t wake her up.” It was clear from her hesitation that she wasn’t keen on the idea of letting me into her home.

Despite that, Jamie opened the door wider and let me inside.

As I followed Jamie throughout the home, it was obvious how well she had done for herself. It was homey, clean, and tidy.

There was evidence of a child everywhere I looked, family pictures and toys. She did all right on her own.

“This is her room.”

The door was ajar, so she pushed it open the rest of the way. A nightlight of stars on the ceiling was giving the room some light. I looked at Jamie before passing her into the room.

I walked toward the cot and looked down at the baby inside, a nine-month-old sleeping soundly on her back with a soother just hanging from her mouth.

Her hair was dark in color, just like her mother’s.

Just like mine.

She was my child. Even asleep, it was clear by looking at Penelope that she was mine. ~All these months, I’ve had a daughter, and I didn’t even know it.~

There was an ache in my chest and an uncertainty of what to do next.

“Her name is Penelope.” Jamie walked into the room and stood beside me at the crib.

“After my mother. She would’ve been happy about that.”

I appreciated that Jamie named Penelope after my mother, especially since I wasn’t in the picture.

“It must’ve been hard for you, doing it alone. I’m sorry that you had to.”

“It was scary at times, but I had help. I wasn’t in it alone. Penelope is an easy baby, which is good too.”

“I’ve missed out on so much.”

I thought about reaching my hand into the cot and touching her hand, but I didn’t. She was asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her.

“The way we left things all those months ago, it never should have gone the way it did.”

“But it did. It was your choice to make, and you chose to leave. There’s nothing that you can do to change that now. At the end of the day, all that matters here is her.”

She looked down at a sleeping Penelope before turning around and walking toward the bedroom door.

“Jamie.” I called her name quietly, and she turned around. “Are you going to give me a chance to fix this? I came back for you.”

“Like I said, this is about her. I can’t trust you, Mason. I can’t make that mistake again.” She turned around and walked down the hallway toward the stairs.

I turned around and looked at our daughter. She didn’t know it yet, but she was the most important thing in my life. Jamie Harris too.

She wasn’t going to make things easy for me this time around.