Chapter 3
"You should go home, Qureshi. We'll have everything in control" Arif Maqbool requested her, He was her good friend, the best one from the day she joined the hospital, an orthopedic while she was the ER specialist.
"Sana, he's right. You should rest. You're here for more than 36 hours now. You need proper sleep than little naps. You won't function properly if you tire yourself please go home." Arefa, the head nurse touched her palm.
She snapped the file shut.
"I'm working on a case Appi. Can't go home without completing my job. I'll go back when I feel the need." She explained "And you two need to stop disturbing me if you want me to complete the study and go home. Now can you two leave me alone?"
Arefa sighed, lips pursed in disagreement but she nodded and left. Arif wanted to rebuke but seeing her glare he turned and followed suit after Arefa; not before throwing a worried glance at Sana who has been pulling long shifts for the last few weeks. She kept working until she was ready to drop. In the 8 days, she must have hardly been home, not even 4 times if not for bringing in the change of clothes and dropping her laundry.
Sana sipped her tenth cup of coffee in the last three hours as she read and understood every minor detail of the accident case. Rubbing her temples, feeling a nibbling headache. She searched for her specs she never used unless a burning headache tortured her. She wore them and started reading again, fingers noting important details on a pad.
A knock resonated making her growl in irritation.
"Come in" she sighed. Her eyes glared as soon as she saw him enter. She threw the pen wanting to hit him.
Mudassar yelped in surprise, palm shooting to catch the flying object. He was freshly dressed, all prim and proper. "Doctor Qureshi. Is this the way to welcome the hospital MD?" he chastised.
"Get lost MD." she spat. Picking another one from her pen stand she went back to her file.
"You didn't go home?" he questioned, eyes roaming her face and dress. "Or you forgot to do the laundry. I saw you in these clothes yesterday morning."
"What do you want?" she demanded.
"Tell me this is not the option you were talking about that day..."
"None of your business"
He continued "It's been 3 weeks Sana. Reconcile with your mother. You can't be holed up in here overworking yourself and using this cabin as your sulking spot...."
"None of your business" She gritted.
He ignored her again "Uncle and she would be worrying over the fact you're overworking yourself. They leave for Medina in a month. You cannot be stressing them acting like this..."
She threw her paperweight hitting his arm, snapping "None. Of. Your. Business"
"Behave Qureshi" he roared.
"You get out of here, Adami, and stay within your limits. You are my boss so stay that. Don't act like you care because we both know you don't, you never did." She gave it back to him.
He glared, and she returned.
He refused to give up, she accepted the challenge too.
Her eyes felt the burn, she was sleep deprived, and jumping into a glaring match wasn't the best decision until her lips left the groan of pain.
"Are you okay?" he broke the match, sounding concerned.
"Yes, feeling at top of the world" she grumbled, opening and closing drawers to look for a headache medicine. "Where did it go?" she whined.
"Stop it, Sana. Just sit down will you" he pushed her desk chair towards her and she complied. Leaning back, she massaged her head. "How bad is it?"
"Killing me," she muttered with closed eyes.
"Sit here. I'll be back in a minute" he said somewhere faintly.
She was slipping into fagness, a sleepy stature when she felt a cold pad on her head. Someone applying small pressure on it. She felt her nerves relaxing a little.
"36 hours? Crazy woman." he was speaking, more like scolding her. "Did you even sleep or took a good meal? Can you for once care for yourself? You're no machine or a robot who can keep working, and for what? To stay away from your mother because she wants you happy and herself free from your worries? Ridiculous Sana"
She hummed slowly.
"Idiot. Do you know how many people love you? They care so much for you Sana. Don't you know that?"
She opened her eyes a little, staring at him "But people I love don't love me back. And it hurts so much, Mudassar. So much"
His eyes stared at hers, peeking into her soul. "You don't know that. Maybe they don't just show you?"
"Yeah maybe but that act breaks me. I might not survive by the time they'll start showing their love to me. They might realize it only when I'm gone."
"You're going nowhere" he stated with finality.
"Why do you say that? You don't know what happens the next second. I may not be alive tomorrow..."
"Sana" he snapped "Stop talking. You have got a headache. Just stay put and shut up"
She pursed her lips but followed his order. He tended to her headache with an ice pack. He passed her ibuprofen and she gulped it.
"You need to go back home." he asserted.
She ignored. "What was the reason you came here for?" she asked changing the subject.
"We will talk later. I'll call the driver to drop you home" he fished his phone but she yanked it out of his hold.
"I have a critical patient and I'm not leaving him unattended so this topic is over. I only have a headache, I will live. Now you tell me why you come here? I'm sure it's not to check if I'm working or not" She crossed her arms and probed him to answer.
He sighed "You will never listen will you?" she shook her head haughtily. He surrendered "Settle down then. I have things to discuss."
She sat down and he took the opposite one.
"You made a project in Uni about this rural orphanage where around 300 children stay." She nodded and he continued "I was thinking of arranging a medical camp there for our Christmas season campaign. Can you arrange a call with the in charge there? You don't have to be personally involved just a reference would be enough. The mention of your project brought them huge funding and help. I'm sure they won't deny you."
"This sounds good, really good I mean. The children there need a yearly check-up and I did make a few calls for reference to them last year. This year also they must be thinking about it so it'll be a win-win for both parties. I'm sure they'll agree." She said and picked up her cellphone.
"You don't have to make it right now. Take 2 days. Explain to them how this CSR activity works and then the management will take over from there." He offered.
"Why not let me do it right now? We both can talk together. You can explain them and I'll contribute." She suggested, halfway searching the number. She walked to the other side of her desk, sat in the adjacent chair to him, and placed the phone in between.
"A quick deal," she said and he looked up questioning "I supervise this whole or I do nothing, not even this call. Say yes or no"
"What? But you...."
"Yes or No?" she demanded. The call connected to the person at the other end, ringing
Her thump hovered on the cancel button and he gave in, glaring at the side of her head. "You win. Yes"
She grinned in victory, greeting on call "Good Afternoon Uncle....."
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Rehne de aapse nahi ho payega
Hisaab meri chahato ka.
Na mere khwaab ko samajh payenge,
Na mere kareeb reh payenge.
Gustakhi hamara dil kar betha hai,
Hisaab bhi usi se kiya jayega.
She wiped the frost away from her window, admiring the rains while sipping her mug of tea, her eyes traced the droplets on glass, rolling down and fading into a pool of water at the edge. The pitter-patter of rain was calming, as much as a raging storm could be in a thunderous rain. One sound overpowering the other one.
The thumping of heart inside was long pushed away with the rains outside. Every day she stood here, searching for a source to forget what she feels. She meant when she told him she was breaking, not because she didn't have people loving her. They were more than she was grateful for.
She was breaking noting the difference between the life she imagined she could have and the one she was living now.
With him by her side.
She may not show how he affects her, but she knew them all too well. She was torn between reconciling the hope of ever having that friendship back or pushing him and his care away.
She wanted to lash out at times when he asked her about having a meal or dropping her back after a tiring day or when he nursed her headaches or when he just sits beside her, conveying his presence in her life.
But she held back. She held back her smiles, her tears, her anger, and her accusations. She kept them all at bay wanting to seep into this life where he was there, present, and there. Until the time this illusion will be ripped into pieces along with her.
It was meant to happen rather sooner than later. She had the intuition. It was all going to be over, soon.
Taking her empty cup down, she saw her Ammi working in the kitchen.
"Subaba-Khair Ammi" she greeted quietly.
She responded with a little chirpier version. "Invite Mudassar home. I'm going to bake him your favorite cookies he loves so much."
Sana smiled softly "Which cookies Ammi?" she asked, it was hurting to hear the mention.
"The same dry fruit stuffed ones. Didn't you love them every time I baked for you and your brother and sister?" She was standing with her back to Sana. Just taking a glance.
"What did you cook last Friday for Abbu?" Sana asked leaning against the wall.
"What question is that? I cook his favorite curd meat every Friday because he loves them." she deadpanned.
Sana blinked back her hurt "When did you bake my favorite cookies last?"
"Why are you asking so many questions, Sana? What do you want to prove? I baked them last when Rubina came with her husband. Almost four months back." She turned to glare at her. "Are you implying that I don't make them for you regularly when I haven't ever seen you eating them in front of me?"
"I'm implying nothing, Ammi. You gave the conclusion yourself. How can something be my favorite when I never tasted it?" Sana straightened.
Yasmeen face morphed into blankness, eyes taking in Sana crossing the distance between them. "That...that is not true, Sana. You always took them for eating, you were so happy each time I made them when Mudassar or you were home, How come you cannot ..."
She hugged the older woman, a little tight than normal. "I love you Ammi but not those cookies or anything. I was happy because you used to be happy making them, All my smiles were for you and nothing else. I love only you Ammi." she mumbled, parting when she felt her hand on her back. She breathed "I'm going to Jethpur for the Christmas medical camp. Do I have your permission?"
Yasmeen nodded robotically.
"I'll miss you" Sana smiled and turned to look at her Abbu who stood at the entrance.
"Did mother-daughter make up?" he cocked a brow playfully.
"She gave me permission to attend medical camp." Sana fed him about the conversation.
"I'll take that as a yes" Wajid said and came in, he touched her head lovingly "You haven't been home a lot these days. We didn't have any bonding time at all. You up for watching the first IPL match of Hyderabad together?"
Sana grinned "I'm always up Abbu. Just no promises. You know how emergencies could be." She had the urge to hug him, and she acted on it.
"Sana beta..."
"Miss me Abbu or else I'm going to be super upset if you enjoy matches without me" she joked parting.
"I miss you all the time you aren't near me. You are my favorite daughter; you know that right?" He kissed her forehead. She nodded smiling while her eyes rebelled to cry.
"Now I need to get ready. That boss of mine won't like it if I'm late for the job." she grimaced. Wajid chuckled, shaking his head.
"Allah hafiz"