Luca had seen Grey at troublesome times, but she had never felt her silence.
The quiet of dawn echoed louder than the girl's dragging steps through the corridor towards the training room. Not a yawn or stretch escaped her lean figure, and she had yet to ask a question or even say good morning. Atypical of the young lady that had Luca's world spinning on her finger. In response, Luca trotted closer to Grey's legs. Perhaps the human needed a friend at the moment more than a guardian. She had just lost one yesterday after all.
Still, Grey was not herself. From the lack of smiles, the lack of sparkle in her eye, the lack of sound. Luca strolled next to a ghost of an individual rather than a beacon of hope. Amelia had an effect on her, but there was more than that. The cat recalled yesterday's visit and realized what it was.
Humans considered emotions part of their identity, and with that they cast moral judgments and chose what hurt them and what didn't. Even with these boundaries, mortals could never protect themselves from topics such as death. They could never come to terms with the fact that life had to end at one point, and when they convinced themselves they might be able to fathom the concept, they are tested, and hurt again. Because death spares no mortal and it, like the sky and the hidden world beyond those clouds was infinite.
However, what Grey failed to recognize was that her parents' end was not her fault. Moreover, there was nothing in Luca's power to help the human understand that. The issue was one that had to be left alone until Grey decided to touch it. So, instead of brushing against the subject, she warily began with something else.
"Do not hurt yourself trying to be part of this assignment. Train hard, and do your best."
Almost imperceptibly, Grey nodded. It was curt and tense, like even though she listened she preferred to be in her own head. The pair strolled past the mens' suites, Luca leading her to a quick left where the corridor reeked of leather and sweat. The training room doors were open, distant conversation leaking through the walls.
Luca said, "They are waiting for you in there. Again, you do not have to do this. You heard that they are willing to do this battle for you."
Saying nothing, Grey knelt down and strummed a finger behind each of Luca's ears. The cat wholly understood the gesture, maybe from being around her for so long and coming to know Grey's spoken and unspoken language.
That pat said, I hear you. The kiss Grey placed on Luca's forehead said, Thank you.
And when she walked towards that training room, she moved with fluid grace that said, I have to try.
:::
Floor to ceiling glass windows made up three of the four walls, showcasing downtown Seoul while it tried to keep it's eyes open after such a late night; dimly flickering away for a while before having to light itself again. A midnight blue sky fell over the tall buildings, blocked out by fluorescent lights stretching through the ceiling and across the only wall that wasn't opaque. Long wooden sticks and swords hung from hooks in the wall beside double-edged staffs and smaller weapons. In the center of the vast floor was a pit. Namjoon sat along the edge, Yoongi perked upon Grey's entrance.
The leather smell was more intense in here, accompanied by a tinge of metal. She covered her arms as the chill of the air conditioner finally touched her skin. It was probably amazing to watch the sun rise from this room.
"Good morning, Angel." Namjoon rubbed his eyes, pulling his legs underneath him.
Yoongi lazily twirled one of his daggers in his hand. "Rise and grind."
Grey approached the pit, both hands in the pockets of her leggings. She wasn't ready to speak, but there most likely wasn't a choice.
"Hi," she said.
"Someone's quiet today," Joon said.
Yoongi slid his dagger back into a sheath on his hip and stood up. "We don't want to waste any time, so let's get started."
Joon stood up, stretching his arms overhead. "You want to talk about the basics or should I?"
Yoongi stopped in front of her, dark eyes shattering her trance. For the next hour or two she'd need to let go of this fog she was in and be alert. The simple bit of his posture told her that much. He was practically leaning towards her, breathing even and calm. A natural predator waiting for the signal to snatch whatever was closest. He said to Namjoon, "I'll be here when you need me."
"When will that be?" Grey asked.
"We'll find out," Yoongi said.
Namjoon chuckled, sauntering towards Grey and crossing his arms. Her apparent teacher began his lesson. "For this introductory lesson, we won't kill you but we will be assigning homework."
She held in a groan. "Homework?"
"Every morning and every night, no complaints. You skip out, you cheat yourself."
"I won't skip out," she swore.
Yoongi laid down inside the pit. "Your life depends on it."
She glowered at him. "So does yours."
"Debatable," he responded.
"Yeah, debatable," Joon echoed.
Grey furrowed her brows at Namjoon, who laughed softly. "It was a joke," he clarified. "But we do trust that you'll get the job done."
"What's the homework?" She rolled her eyes.
He noted the exercises with his fingers. "Push-ups and sit-ups. At least fifty of each. Split them into five sets of ten if it makes you feel better. You also need intensive cardio work if you plan on being The Runner."
"Okay, pause. You guys keep calling me The Runner. Is that a title?"
Yoongi yelled from his spot, "Consider it a code name. Joon loves code names."
Namjoon scoffed, "It's cooler than that. It is a title. When I plan our routes, I use these names to refer to you all."
Grey was in absolutely no place to smile, but she almost did. "Why?"
"It makes him sound cooler," Yoongi shouted.
"No," Namjoon corrected, whirling on Yoongi, "It keeps all of your talents at the forefront of your names so that when I need a quick fix, I know who to call on." He turned back to Grey. "In front of the other members, you're The Runner. To Yoongi and I, you're also called The Queen because you hold Variel."
The Runner and The Queen. An interesting duo, Grey thought. She said, "Does it matter if I have a title? I don't even know if the others will let me leave the skyscraper when you guys go."
Yoongi sat up. "The only person that can stop us is Nico. If he puts up a ward to lock you in, saving Variel is dead. Try not to do anything too suspicious that makes him think you'll run off."
"Okay, I can do that." Grey nodded. "What are the other titles?"
Namjoon pointed to Yoongi. "That's The Wraith." He then pointed himself. "I'm The Intellect," he informed her, his hands falling away. "Jungkook is The Assassin, Taehyung is The Beast, Jin is The Shadow, Hoseok is The Raven, and Jimin is--,"
"The Ripper," she answered. A few times she had heard one or two of these names without knowing what they were for. But knowing now, and discovering that she had one... it made her feel like a part of them. And as a part of them, she should be on this mission. She grinned only a little, mixed emotions so close to ruining this moment. "That's so cool."
Namjoon made a point of saying thank you and glancing sidelong at Yoongi. When the other angel smirked, Joon returned to his spiel. "We will find a way to get you to Vanity, don't worry about what's in the future. Right now, we think about how you can prepare. Your body doesn't have a fair chance with the time we have left. Anaphiel plans on ambushing her in a matter of days last time we spoke."
Days? That wasn't enough time to put meat on her bones or empower anyone in this household. She craned her neck back, confused. "What's the point of trying to unlock heavenly powers? What's the point of training at all?"
"Try to punch me in the face," Joon ordered.
"That has nothing to do with anything," Grey snapped.
"Wrong. Try it."
She raised an eyebrow, looking to Yoongi. The Wraith shrugged. Namjoon waited patiently, both hands behind his back. In his fitted long-sleeve, the muscles in his arms relaxed. He was going to let her do it.
Fine. Here goes.
She launched her right fist at his cheek, gasping as his left hand clasped her wrist. Pulling it along with her momentum, his right hand struck the inside of her elbow, breaking her strength apart like snapping a spaghetti noodle. She hadn't realized she'd been falling forward until he was behind her, his right arm wrapping around her throat. She fell on her ass, his chest pressed against her back.
He had her in a headlock.
As she breathed, his instruction came quick. "The first thing Vanity will do is go for your face. You train so that she gets wrecked when she does," he said. When he let her go, she remained stunned on the ground.
"You alright, Grey?" Yoongi tilted his head to the side, his amusement shimmering through his resting bitch face.
She just got dropped by Kim Namjoon.
Dropped.
"Forgot to tell you we aren't playing it safe," Yoongi added. "You want to run with us, you've got to keep up."
She gathered herself, pushing onto all fours and then getting on two feet. Her cheeks were red from embarrassment, but she was... breathless. His speed, his calculation, his precise movements. There was nothing human about that. She balled her fists at her sides.
"Teach me how to do that," she barked.
"Mastery comes with time," Namjoon said.
"You're brilliant. Teach me."
Yoongi made a hmph sound, tapping one finger against his lips. Grey challenged him with a glance. He took that opportunity to tell her, "You're reacting better than I thought."
"I'm tired of almost dying when I try to go somewhere. Tired of depending on others. It's about time I did something for myself."
He nodded respectfully, black tee shirt almost gleaming gray as the first rays of muted sun touched the training room floor. "You're right."
"And I'm going to put you on your ass one day," she added.
The corner of Yoongi's lips quirked upward.
Namjoon's dimples drank in the sunlight as he smiled. "I'm already a proud teacher."
She said, "I'm learning from the best."
Joon marched towards the wall, picking up a sword and bringing it to Grey. "I just want to see something. Hold this."
She reached for it--and paused. "This isn't another trick, is it?"
He shook his head, grinning. "This is seeing where you are."
Her fingers wrapped around the hilt and lifted the metal. It dragged her arm down, down, down the blade stabbing into the floor. How heavy was this thing? She grit her teeth trying to pull it back up, and stumbled back as her hand slipped. The second time she tried to pry it from the ground, she successfully lifted the tip of the blade, but yelped when the length of it insisted on listening to gravity again.
"These things are never so heavy in the books and movies," she said.
Namjoon rested his hand over hers as a signal to make her stop. She obeyed, surprised at how soft it was. "Don't be discouraged. You will be able to handle one of these by the time the month is over. Until then, use the dagger."
The dagger was in her room on her nightstand. It would be the first thing she reached for if someone so much as tapped her shoulder a bit too hard.
She asked, "How many days until you go for the book?"
"Ten, so we have time to spar and get back into the flow. "
Ten days to figure out how she contributed.
He continued, "Until then, Yoongi and I train you with our actual task in mind. Let the others believe you're just coming along to settle a vendetta." Joon lifted the sword like it was a tooth pick and moved towards the wall. This time, he removed two wooden sticks and tossed one to her. She caught it, the weight and thin grip way more satisfying.
"To the pit," he ordered. She lowered into the sunken circle, watching him do the same.
"Show us a fighting stance," Yoongi said.
She staggered one foot ahead of the other, holding her stick with both hands in front of her as she should have held the sword. Once satisfied, she peered at Namjoon. His face was expressionless.
Something hard crashed into the back of her knee. She folded backwards, her tailbone slamming into the floor a second time. Yoongi's choppy hair filled her vision as she tilted her head upwards to look at the person behind her. He pursed his lips.
"Bend your knees."
She stood back up. "You couldn't have said that?"
"Try again," he commanded.
Grey bent her knees first, shifting into a position similar to before. When she wasn't attacked, she figured that was correct.
Namjoon copied her form. "The first thing we'll practice is defense. I'm going to try to hit you. Block my shots."
He began with a slow arc for her ribs. She blocked it easily, watching his torso readjust to aim for the other side. With time to spare she was there and holding strong. He raised the pike overhead. She used both hands to turn her makeshift sword into a type of shield.
"Good, you have the basics," he said. "Let's speed up."
This time, only one of his hands held the stick. He lunged for her left shoulder, and as she whipped her arms in a diagonal to block, he spun on the balls of his feet and ran the stick into her right side. The resounding whack echoed through the room. She inhaled a sharp breath, her skin burning like she'd been hit with a whip rather than a piece of wood.
"Try again," he said, whirling and lifting his leg in a roundhouse kick higher than her chin. She slapped his calf with her stick, hissing as his pike collided with her hip mere seconds after. Her hand wrapped around the stinging area, tears welling in her eyes.
"You hit me. Not what I asked for, but decent."
She gripped the stick until her fingernails bit into her palm. "Again!"
Narrowing his eyes on her stick and it's position so far in front of her, he swung his weapon directly onto hers. The force sent her pike veering to the side, wrists and hands twisting as he used nothing but strength to twirl her stick in a circle and cast it to the side. Before she could see where it landed, his wooden edge pressed against the side of her neck.
"Wait until you are stronger before holding your weapon out like that," he said.
She shoved his stick away from her skin, the first tear falling down her cheek.
Namjoon pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. She wasn't terrible, she was just human and that put her severely behind. He reasoned that her tears were not from embarrassment because she stayed here rather than running back to her suite. And he figured that they couldn't be from losing, because she didn't fight back like she expected to win. In fact, she was distracted. Her focus was muddled. He gave a suggestive glance to Yoongi that asked for help.
Yoongi hopped into the pit, crossing his arms as he stood some feet away at her side. "Speak up," he said.
That made her cry harder, and for a second, Joon regret asking for the angel's help. Yoongi piped up again when she covered her hands with her face. "It's not a bad thing to be vulnerable in this room. This is where you fight others and your insecurities. So that when you face someone else, you remember why you got emotional. You're not weak for this."
She sniffled, staring at him through red, glassy eyes. "There's not enough time for me to come close to being this efficient. I'm outmatched in quickness, strength, and experience. I can't do this."
"You can't because you say you can't. I won't give you pity."
Grey knew that he meant it. He went on, "This is what it means to be a fighter, Princess. You can't win at everything you do. You'll get beat. Often. You know, at every stage of your life there's probably been someone to lift you up. You call for help and they run to bail you out. Now, you're alone. No parents, no best friend. Just Grey. What is she going to do?"
The sun rose and silence reigned over the training room.
"I can see that you want to be independent. I feel it coming from you. But, you will stay as you are because you think you're powerless on your own and no one can fix that issue except for you. When is Grey going to step up for Grey?"
"I want to," she croaked.
Yoongi laughed, a mirthless sound. "There are times when I believe you and there are times when I see right through you. This world is too big for you because you made it like this."
She didn't have a response. He had her, pinned by the tail.
"You stand in your own way."
Grey fiddled with the hem of her shirt, her voice small and meek. "What do I do?"
"Get pissed off. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and fight for who you are. Fight for what you want. You're in an entirely different dimension, you're a target to a deity, you count on others to clean up behind you, you haven't had a backbone since I met you in the park. There are plenty of things to pick and choose from. Doesn't matter which, just get pissed off."
Namjoon nodded in agreement as Yoongi finished.
"This morning is done. Come back later after you've found some inspiration."
Grey nodded, keeping her head down as she escaped the ring and left the training room.
Namjoon whistled, picking up her stick at the other end of the pit. "You diagnosed the issue quicker than I did."
Yoongi scowled at the door, his frustration simmering down. He wasn't actually upset with her, but she needed to think so. He said, "She had to hear it eventually."
"I agree. If it wasn't from you it would have been from me." Namjoon hooked the sticks back onto the wall.
The Wraith took a deep breath, staring out into a waking city. Even though thousands of people bustled on those streets, his thoughts endlessly cycled to the one that left this room. He wondered where she went. What her next step would be.
But ultimately, he was relieved.
Grey asked for his help. Allowing her to beat herself down would have gone against that. He would not leave her unprepared for the path she intended to walk upon. To be with this group and the consequences that came with it, she'd need to be strong.
And he'd make her strong. Strong enough to handle anything he or this realm had to offer. Because she deserved that.
Dealing out tough love was never easy, but he knew she wanted to hear everything he said. That's why she showed glimpses of the woman underneath. Why she challenged him, why she challenged the other members to live for more. She wanted that same thing. She just didn't know how to get it.
Tough love, he thought. That's what she needs.
He would teach her again tonight. And until he saw her, he would figure out why that beating organ in his chest tingled at the thought of love for the first time in decades. Why it was happening just now. Why it accelerated around her.
:::
Grey sat sprawled on her bed for what had to be eternity.
She stared the truth in the face as hard as she stared at the ceiling.
She was alone.
What she hated most had come.
Alone, alone, alone.
What could she do about it? Her tears dried on her cheeks. There were none of those left either. Grey was Grey, and this version of her--the stripped version--didn't have a voice. She couldn't answer the call to speak up. She was everything Yoongi described her to be: an obstacle to her own victory.
But how did one step out of their own way when they had never taken their own steps?
A soft knock rapped at her suite door. She didn't budge until it tapped again. The second time it came around, she peeled herself from the covers and found Jungkook standing in her doorway. He had a bag of star flakes in one hand, a big smile plastered on his face. It disappeared when he noticed how swollen her eyes were.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
She started to despise that question, and considered how many times others asked her that throughout the day. A swift investigation revealed that it came often.
She said. "I'm needy."
He invited himself inside, placing the star flakes on her coffee table. "It's not needy when you're actually hurting."
She closed the door, leaning against it. "That's the problem. I hurt all the time."
"How so?"
She sighed, trudging past him to get to her bedroom. She flopped onto the bed, body bouncing from the impact. He trailed her quietly to listen to her, studying her as she returned to doing nothing.
"Jungkook, you're strong. And cool. How did you get like that?"
He smiled softly. "You think I'm cool?"
It warmed her heart more than she anticipated. Calming the blood rushing to her cheeks, she pat the spot next to her. He plopped onto the bed, staring wherever she looked like it wasn't stucco ceiling, but an array of stars.
"I had to lose. A lot. I had to fail first," he said.
"How did you become tough?"
"I worked for everything. I earned what I had. I wouldn't leave practice until I accomplished the goal I set out to do."
She was nowhere close to that. She rephrased it. "How does a weak person become tough?"
He used his elbow and wrist to prop his head up, looking down at her curiously. "Toughness comes in different forms. A weak person doesn't have to be loud or a great handler of weapons. That stuff helps, but anyone is tough when they can stand on their own two feet. When they're able to be themselves regardless of what happens around them."
She frowned. "I don't know how to do that."
He pinched his lips to one side of his face. Probably the cutest thing she'd ever seen. "We all have to learn. I'm going to guess you're learning right now?"
She didn't realize he was playing with her hair until she felt a small tug on her scalp. His fingers wrapped around her curls, dark brown eyes transfixed by each lock. She hoped he couldn't hear her heart beating in her ears. She hoped he couldn't see her examine his lips.
"Yes," she said.
"I had trouble picking what I fought for, too," he admitted.
"Hard to believe." She turned only her head so that she could see his eyes.
He chuckled. "I'll be honest with you," he said, "I have a feeling that I know exactly what Yoongi told you. At one point, he told me the same. And I did exactly what you did for a while before I thought of an answer."
"Share it with me, please."
He nodded. "The first step is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not standing up in the past. If you're anything like me, you know how to carry a burden. Let that go. Give yourself another chance."
She closed her eyes and listened to his voice. "The second step is believing that you are whatever you want to be. For so long, I listened to the voice that told me what I was not. I set my limitations. But I am capable, I am strong, I am unstoppable. So are you."
"After breaking through, the third step is remembering the silence. Remember what it's like to internalize emotions, opinions, pain. Remember how bad it feels so that you never return."
She breathed the steps in. Forgive, believe, remember. Forgive, believe, remember. Those things she repeated in her head as her mind slowed, and so did her body. She did not open her eyes again.
"Go get what you want, Grey. It's there for you to take."
Jungkook grinned at her sleeping. He had a few things to report to Jin, he needed to eat, his katana needed to be sharpened. However, this moment mattered most. And she was so peaceful when she slept.
Forgetting his responsibilities, he curled up next to her, one arm snaking around her waist while he nuzzled his face into the nape of her neck. At her side, he gave in to slumber, knowing in his entirety that she would give Yoongi hell when she woke.
Warriors were not created in a day.
:::
(A/N) Insightful reader,
WOW WOW WOW so much to say.
First and foremost, this chapter has a message. To any reader that feels they are incapable of something or afraid, you are absolutely capable. You are strong and undeniable if you so believe it. Do not allow others to steal your joy. Be who you are. That person is radiant.
Loving yourself is a process. Take it one step at a time.
Now, back to regular programming.
Love Yourself: Answer. So proud of them for being able to come back again in so little time and blow me away. The Trivia tracks and extended versions are so vital. This entire era has been a joy ride from start to finish. You're a very lucky duck if you get to see them on this year's tour. (if you want to gush further, slide in these PM's!)
WE ARE NEARING THE FINALE OF PART 2. I REPEAT, WE ARE NEARING THE FINALE.
Tear the Sky is on the cusp of 1,000 votes. Holy. Granola. If this story actually has the honor of reaching that number, I'll publish an extra thank-you chapter as soon as it happens!
Next release: 9/1 or 9/2 (September 1st or 2nd)
With love,
M