If Grey had sunglasses, she would have offered them.
Amelia had been squinting for the past twenty minutes as a waitress showed both her and Grey to a table on the patio. Sunlight washed over white cushions, smaller glass tables, potted plants and multicolored pillows--everything that caused regular customers to squint when highlighted. Parts of the restaurant were bright, sure, but as they took a seat under a trellis of dangling greenery that provided shade, the other girl couldn't stop blinking.
Grey let Luca jump into her lap and watched the kitten climb into the next seat over. "You know, if you want to sit inside we can."
"No," Amelia waved her away, "I need fresh air. I just haven't seen the sun in a few days."
It was more than a few days. Grey guiltily swallowed, eyes immediately drawn to the white sore along her best friend's upper arm. She had wanted Amelia to stay home and rest as soon as she returned to the apartment. Of course, rest was the last thing Amelia would take. She insisted that they visit their favorite sushi sit-down to catch up. On top of that, she switched out her hospital ensemble for a dandelion yellow tank top and blue jeans.
So, that wound stared at Grey as much as she stared at it. A streak of lightning, emblazoned on skin like a permanent storm. Upon catching her trail of vision, Amelia covered the jagged line self-consciously.
"Maybe I should have covered it up? Is it gross?"
Grey snapped out of the trance, shaking her head. "It's healed. You don't have to hide it."
Amelia peered at the sky through her lashes. "I know it's weird, but I don't feel ashamed. Do they let pets in here?" Amelia pointed at Luca, who licked one of her front paws. The cat paused, shooting an indifferent glance at her and then at the diners around them.
"She won't cause trouble but I'll move her." Grey grabbed Luca around the ribs, ignoring the way she wriggled and bared her canines. Her hissing didn't stop until she was sprawled out on the floor. Grey would most likely hear about this later. As two white paws scratched at her shoes angrily, she turned all of her focus to her best friend.
"So what do you remember?"
Amelia shrugged. "A lot of it is fuzzy. There isn't really a before and after, more of an event. I don't know what animal attacked me, but I'm just grateful that someone found me in time to call an ambulance. I didn't even know we had wild animals roaming the city like that."
We don't.
Amelia finished her sentence after a taste of her water. "The doctors told me that sometimes in severely traumatic events we can forget the important pieces and just remember strictly what happened. I don't know if they're right."
Jungkook. You did a number on her.
The waitress returned to the table with two waters. Grey sucked the straw into her mouth immediately, taking a large mouthful to delay an answer.
Lying was not her forte, though she'd done it before and done it very well. Amelia's open expression made it so difficult. Not the fact that the other girl wasn't clever, but that she was too trusting--similar to Grey. She would take Grey's words at face value, and Grey would commit the crime of implanting false ideas in the heart of an individual she always wanted to keep happy.
It was indirectly pulling away from the one person she was alright with falling into.
Even so, there were things that could never be told. Things locked in the past now, things that would never happen again since she escaped that towering hellhole. She would keep her own secrets.
"So you call it an animal attack?" Grey wiped her mouth with a napkin.
Amelia narrowed her eyes. "Yes. You weren't there so don't call me crazy. I know what I saw."
"I won't call you crazy. How do you feel about the new...," Grey gestured towards the healed wound, "You know?"
"Let's call it what it is. A scar. Don't beat around the bush. There's nothing I can do to change it, so why feel any negativity towards it? I'm going to make it a statement. It marks me as a survivor, not a victim." Amelia took a second small swig from her water and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed. "I have this for a reason."
Grey raised an eyebrow. "A reason? You think there's purpose behind this?"
"Okay, okay. It might sound stupid but it feels like it's mine, my marking for something greater. Could be gut intuition or the weird hospital drugs talking, but if I was destined to have this then so what. I'll take it."
"That's a very positive spin." Grey smiled genuinely, then let it fall. "I don't think it means anything too deep. Don't overthink it. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Amelia pressed her lips into a flat line. "I guess."
"Seriously, try to let it go. It's over and I'm glad you're finally awake."
"Thanks." She didn't sound too convinced. Amelia's shoulders rose and fell as she huffed and stared over Grey's shoulder. Her eyes locked on something, the rest of her face lightening subtly. She leaned forward, a healthy pink tint in her cheeks again. "Guess what I see."
Grey furrowed her brows and began to turn around in her seat. From her peripheral, the blinding glint of cerulean glass and silver accents were recognizable in the cloudless sky. So was the French architecture at the very top of the building. Before confronting the entire edifice, Grey whirled back to Amelia.
"That skyscraper is so cool. I can't believe you got to be in it for the job interview. Tell me about the inside. Are the people nice? How many floors are there? Where's the boss man's office?"
Grey sighed, running her hands over her face. How could she forget? Her and Amelia's favorite restaurant was only a few street corners away from KSJ.
"I told you I didn't get the job."
Amelia smirked. "You mean your job at The Parlour got you that new Gucci clutch and the Balenciaga hoodie? Yeah, right. You're doing something new."
Grey rolled her eyes, rubbing her temples. She hadn't thought about what she was wearing and it was bad enough she had to use a sweatshirt they bought her because all of hers were still unwashed.
"Amy, drop it."
"Drop it? I can't even touch those threads let alone purchase them and I work for Vogue. If it wasn't a job, then you met someone?" She gasped, assuming her own idea to be true.
Grey furiously shook her head. "I haven't met anyone."
"You met a prince. You lived my dream while I was dead. Tell me all about it. I want the 50 Shades details. Was he hot? He's obviously got deep pockets. What's his name?"
"It wasn't a prince. You're rambling."
"Then an heir. We have plenty of those. Which one?"
"Not an heir. I said no one."
Amelia squealed, clapping her hands onto her cheeks. "Don't tell me it was Kim Seokjin?"
"Don't say his name." Grey balled her fists in her lap, flashing rage making the muscles in her back and arms tense.
A few heads turned in their direction, people peering up from rolls and edamame in concern. Amelia sat back in her seat like she'd been struck. Still, Grey felt her fury reignite and it would not die unless she released it. Grey's voice broke, "I said it was no one, Amelia. Please, leave it alone."
When Amelia would not respond, guilt surged through Grey's chest. Realizing what she'd done, she swallowed and pushed her chair away from the table. Standing, she said, "I'm sorry. I need to go to the restroom."
Luca followed on her heels, galloping through the legs of servers and diners to keep up. Grey rushed to the back of the restaurant, barreling into the bathroom. She turned on the first sink and doused her face with cold water.
I shouldn't have done that.
She gasped for air, letting the freezing drops drip from her chin for a few seconds. At her feet, the cat observed the bottom of each stall to make sure the room was empty. Upon discovering they were the only two in the room, Grey's pet sat on its hind legs.
"This is a sensitive time for both of you," Luca said.
"She doesn't know that. She wasn't supposed to know." Grey resisted the urge to spit out the sink water that touched her tongue. "Shit, Luca, I was so rude."
The girl reached for a paper towel and dabbed herself dry. As she opened her eyes, she jumped. A woman in a white dress with billowing white hair stood in the darkest corner of the bathroom.
Grey turned and gaped. The ghost lingering there kindly smiled.
"Wait. Am I dreaming right now?"
Her hands gripped the porcelain rim of the sink for stability. "I am not asleep."
"No, you are not asleep," Luca raised an eyebrow, head darting from the corner to Grey. "Are you alright? Are you seeing something?"
The ghost raised a warning hand, putting a finger over her lips. The gesture for silence.
Luca stomped a paw down. "Grey, what are you talking to?"
"Nothing! Nothing." Grey's head was going to explode. She tangled her hands through her hair, anxiously shifting her focus from Luca to the spot on the wall where the woman had just been. "I just want this to go away."
"It may be overwhelming but--,"
"Luca, I want to go home. How do I make this stop? How do I make any of it stop?"
The door burst open, Grey and Luca stopping short to observe a wide-eyed Amelia sauntering over the threshold with her hands braced in surrender.
"Before you yell at me again, I'm giving you another chance. Tell me what's going on."
Grey closed her eyes for a quick second and gathered herself.
Fall apart at home. Handle this while you can.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Amelia crossed her arms. "Did someone hurt you?"
Yes. "No. I'm sorry for making you think that."
"You aren't pushing me away are you? I thought we were past that."
I have to, please forgive me. "No. I just have some stuff to sort out."
"We have a table full of crunchy rolls to organize your life over if you still would like to do so."
There wasn't a way out of this. Amelia wouldn't let her escape. Grey nodded slowly, eyeing the hand that Amelia extended in the space between them; an open invitation to restart lunch. Her palm grazed her best friend's and together they left the bathroom to return to the patio. As though her outburst never happened, the diners that occupied tables next to them had already left.
As soon as she sat, Amelia picked up her chopsticks and nudged the extra eel sauce closer to Grey. Grey mumbled her thanks and picked at the tempura flakes that had fallen off the rice.
"Where do you want to start?" Grey propped her head onto her palm. Tiny claws scratched through her pants and onto her ankles. With one foot, she gently pushed Luca off of her leg.
Amelia asked between chews. "Why are you triggered by our old dream job?"
"While you were...," Grey searched for the word, "Gone, I was put on a little probation internship at the office. They wanted to make sure I was absolutely perfect for the job."
"Were you?"
"I'm too good for that place. I sat behind a desk all day with stuffy people and the only good part about it was the interior design. It's all water cooler gossip and uptight office parties for people that still wear stockings to work."
Amelia swallowed slowly. "And your boss?"
When Grey was ready to answer, she shrugged. "He's not the man I thought he was."
"Ambiguous, but I won't pry."
"Yep."
"Is that it? Because people yell at other people when they're stressed out. Not when they're satisfied with leaving an opportunity that wasn't for them." Amelia was giving her a chance to spill. But this was good. It meant she hadn't caught onto the lies within the seams of Grey's answers. Because if she had, Amelia would have clamped her jaws around the part that didn't make sense and she'd never let go; a fish on a line.
"I may have read a bit too far into him. Feelings may have gotten involved, but that's done now. That entire chapter is over. Best thing to do now is move on, which is what I'm trying to do."
"Understandable. He must have been all that he's rumored to be if he could charm a piece of cardboard like you into developing a crush." Amelia's small smile let Grey know that she was joking. However, Grey didn't care.
"He's full of shit. They all are."
"Okay then." Amelia's eyes widened as she wiped soy sauce from her hand. "He's on our dirt list. Anyone else?"
"No one I longer care to acknowledge."
That was sufficient enough to warrant a curt nod from her best friend. "Noted. I'm sorry you had to tackle those jerks alone."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Grey mumbled.
Amelia trailed her chopsticks along her plate in a figure eight. "It's the most action I've had in a while. I should be thanking you."
The pair eventually paid for their meals and departed from the restaurant after more small talk and peaceful moments of watching people on the street pass by. The car ride to Amelia's apartment was silent, the whirring engine and air conditioner providing enough noise to ward away further conversation. The meal had been draining. The apology had been draining.
When Grey stopped in front of the correct complex, she laid a hand on Amelia's shoulder.
"Are you sure you're going to be fine on your own?"
Amelia blinked at the building, taking a good while to contemplate. Then, she nodded. "It's probably the safest place for me. Nothing bad has ever happened here and it'll stay that way."
Grey halfheartedly smiled, her hand still on the gear lever. "Bye, Amelia."
She left the last part of her salutation off. I'm sorry for everything.
"You know I hate saying goodbye." Amelia opened the door and closed it, waving and blowing a kiss as she strode up the steps. When she disappeared behind the main entrance, Grey leaned her head back on the seat and closed her eyes.
The sound of Luca's claws against leather echoed to the sun roof. The kitten had both paws on the window, a timid meow leaving her throat.
"Grey."
She groaned. "If you're going to complain about me treating you like a cat today, spare me the lecture."
"Grey, look at me."
She opened one eye and stared at Luca sidelong. "What."
"I dislike seeing you in pain."
"I don't like feeling it."
"You deceived her." Luca sat in the passenger seat. "I am surprised you did not tell her what she wanted to know."
"Jungkook wiped her slate clean. He did her a favor. I can't take that away."
"She is relentless. Like you."
"More like nosey, but the other half of my heart."
Luca's tail swished. "You cannot keep her sheltered forever when all she wants to do is be beside you. Her persistence may land her in the same predicament."
"I know." Grey's hands fell from her face. "What do I do?"
She already had an answer, and it blossomed into a complete idea when she was forced to return to that lunch table and finish the meal. Because Grey would never be alone as long as the other girl was involved. Grey would always be stepping over eggshells, standing in front of a curtain that hid a disaster her friend could never see.
"Whatever is on your heart," Luca said.
Grey drummed her fingertips on the steering wheel, swallowing even though a lump formed in her throat. The bridge of her nose was already burning, so were her eyes. She was going to cry. Again.
"I can't see her anymore. Curse or no curse, all I've done is bring danger."
Luca hopped onto the divider between the passenger seat and driver's seat. Her black head nuzzled into the crook of Grey's arm.
"Do not cry."
"I have to leave her alone." Grey used one hand to pet Luca's head and another to grab the collar of her sweatshirt and muffle her whimpering.
"You have her best interest at heart."
Grey's head leaned on the steering wheel, her free, trembling hand burying its fingernails into the fabric around her neck. "She almost died because of me."
The kitten was silent, closing her eyes as though she could synthesize the emotions pouring from Grey; as though, even if she could never understand the feeling, she wanted to try.
When Grey looked up again, her eyes were swollen and so were her scarlet cheeks. "What do I tell her?"
"Nothing. You distance yourself slowly, piece by piece, until you can stand on your own."
"And then?"
"You live your life freely with an image of her still in your heart just as she will live hers."
:::
The petals were as light as air, and as soft as clouds. When her fingers trailed over their intricate design, they swayed from the motion and in turn, produced a sweet fragrance similar to cotton candy. Grey ran her hands over several of them at once, observing how they teetered and returned to balance; envious at the way they remained grounded despite external disturbance.
A translucent presence hovered over her back. For as long as she could, she avoided turning and focused solely on the fact that she was in a field of gardenias. Gardenias were her mother's favorite flower. She was too upset to notice that in the last dream.
"You did the correct thing by letting go of your friend."
It didn't feel like it, and Grey would not pretend to feel relieved. It seemed like the further she sank into this nightmare, the more she lost. Sitting around talking about what was no longer in her corner wouldn't help.
"You showed yourself to me," Grey said. "I was awake."
"It was not necessarily for you. More for your cat. I wanted a better look at him."
Grey drank in the last of the euphoric aroma surrounding the flowers. "Her, you mean."
"My apologies. She reminded me heavily of someone else."
"Who?"
"My brother."
Unsure of how to respond, Grey figured she could better process the statement while turning to face the spirit. She sat with her legs crossed, cool mud squeezing between her fingers.
The ghost said, "It gives me hope to think that he is alive and above the darkness. Of all our siblings, his light always shined the brightest."
Grey asked, "You have a family?"
"I do, but we are separated. Not by choice. By force."
Grey nodded. "Why can't you be together?"
The woman gestured to the sky, the field, the sun. "I am here, connected to your mind. The youngest roams freely without knowledge of my location. The eldest is scattered all over the world."
So there were three of them. And this woman wasn't dead.
Grey tilted her head to the side, welcoming sunlight that didn't permeate her skin. "Must be some force to keep you from finding them."
"It is extraordinarily menacing. An evil that will return this world to the ashes from which it was built. Forged by shadow and the flames of hellfire. It snuffs out those that light this realm."
"That sounds... morbid."
The ghost knelt in the grass, taking space some feet away from Grey. "It is all part of the endgame. Est finis omnium; all things must come to an end."
"You always talk about an endgame."
"Because the war is inevitable and it will consume everything it touches. As long as I am in this state, the result remains constant. Death to my family, me, you and your angels."
"They are not my angels."
The woman frowned. "That is irrelevant."
"I left all of that behind. I'm not involved anymore." Grey searched the woman's eyes for reassurance. They were the color of golden coins, but revealed no such confirmation.
"For the sake of my family, you must reconsider. We can turn the tides."
Grey wanted to wake up. "You and your brothers are that powerful?"
"Beyond what you can possibly comprehend."
"Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to help you." Grey ran a hand through her hair, needing to move or stand or switch positions. Another favor being asked of her. Another responsibility. She was starting to itch. "I have a feeling you're asking for the impossible."
"I will remain here and you will perish unless you set me free."
Grey sighed. "Who am I setting free? Give me your name."
"Variel is my name in this form, my pure form."
"So, Variel, how do I do what you're asking?"
"Find my body. You will know what to do."
:::
(A/N) Great reader,
Holy. Freaking. Crap. I'm tired, it's past midnight, and I have to work out in five hours. I finished this chapter while delirious from drowsiness. Don't know if it's coherent or all that great. If I update it again in the morning, it means I've fixed this A/N and polished up the wonderful errors that probably riddle this chapter--and if you wanna read it again after it's all cleaned up and sparkling, then you're a gem.
Don't ever think for a second I don't care about you, reader.
I think about you enough to kill my chances of passing my fitness test in order to update somewhat on time. Never forget that.
UPDATE: I PASSED MY FITNESS TEST WITH FLYING COLORS. This shows that I have a multitasking ability. I can love you and survive the day after at the same time.
Next release: 7/19 (July 19th)
With (so much freaking) love,
M