This was a bad idea. This was such a bad, bad idea kept frantically echoing in my mind as the car gently pulled into to front yard and that house I've been avoiding for so long stood by my window. I swallowed the knot of insecurity that laced my throat as the gravel made the wheels purred 'til they came to a stop. The engine was shut down right after and silence filled the cabin.
Why did I ever agreed to do this?
For some reason, Connor's words from earlier had sunk into my skull, preaching as to why I 'keep up with this shit'. By shit meaning holding grudges against certain people. I don't know why but I felt horrible after that. Remembering each thing both Brett and Norah had done recently. I mean. They mean good. Nor in the best ways but I know they where trying. Was it really worth it pushing them away over and over?
Norah found me with Macy right before our next period after lunch and forgiving her was just as easy as breathing. The moment I hugged her she didn't hesitate a second and wrapped her arms around me back. She'd apologized again and again, but after how she steped fro me before Noel and how she'd always got my back I couldn't but dismiss it. I'd been frustrated with her, but indeed I've always known I couldn't get upset at her forever.
Brett, on the other hand... that was hard.
I still didn't know if I could fully trust him. He'd been on my back for years until now. But then again ever since he'd been back he'd done nothing but be... there. Teasing, yes, a lot. But also... sweet? It was hard to think this about him after everything but lately all our interactions had been kinda like that. He'd been... like walking on eggshells now that I think of it backwards.
Realizing that was confusing but if I thought back at it, I couldn't think of a thing he'd done to hurt me. Not one.
It made the chills get higher whenever I cross looks with him.
Not one.
How could it be?
I'd been so confident about my dislike for him but suddenly... it seemed like fading away.
Economy was strange this time. The extreme tension I'd been feeling whenever he was near me wasn't that strong anymore. Or at least not in a bad way but shifted into something slightly different. I couldn't exactly pointed out the change nor name it but there it was. Like electricity dancing in my skin from our close proximity all across the double desk. Maybe I should really had a talk and solve it all up once and for all.
So when our next work was ordered, this time to prepare an exposition of how we were holding on with our project, I didn't felt this clenching in my chest from before. I didn't fear for my integrity nor worried about him messing this up for me. Now I get that, what got him being mean to me in the past, for whatever reason it wasn't anymore. And it wouldn't be back, at least not anytime soon.
Since this time we needed to make a presentation and all we decided the library wasn't an option anymore and so here we were.
In front Ryder's place. A lovely two story house in quiet movie-like street. They were like the american dream come true.
I gulped, glancing out the window and repeating over and over it had been and awful idea to come here. I mean, we weren't going to mine. Granny was in Mrs Thomas' place having their usual tea meeting with a couple more women. In Ryder's there was at least his mother so if anything happen...
"You know," said Brett scratching the back of his nape when he noticed how tightly I was holding the posterboard we just bought for this presentation. "We can always go somewhere else, if you rather."
I forced my finger to loosen up and took a deep breath, forcing down the mad pounding in my ribcage. "No, it fine." I cleared my throat and gave him the most hesitant smile ever -Way to be convinvcing, Alyson! "It's fine. You're mum's been insisting in me to come so that way I'll see her too."
"Has she?" he grimaced, embarrassed, and part of my nervousness faded in amusement. "Well, she can be like that. I'm sorry. You know how she-"
"Oh, no." I cut him. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I didn't like his mother or something. Not when Julia was the sweetest woman ever. I opened the car's door and finally get out. "It's all fine. I promise. Let's go!"
He looked like he wanted to say something else, looking at me as if he was reading through my act but then clamped his mouth shut and get out at well, hanging his backpack on one shoulder and smiling at me as he locked the vehicle. "Let's go then."
I nodded, following him towards the front door and sensing how my guts clenched at every step we took. He gave me another hesitant glance, fiddling with his keys before finally opening and stepping inside holding it open for me to follow in.
Whoa.
This place looks exactly like the last time I been here. The cute small lobby with frames of the family and coats carefully placed on the hangers. Wordlessly Brett hanged his jacket over one of the filled gesturing me to take the empty one. "Mum?"
"Kitchen!" her voice brought that nervouseness back up.
Excitement and anxiety mixing in my belly. It's been ages since I last saw her and I didn't know how would she react. True, we've talken over the phone but still... My feet reluctantly followed the auburn further into the place.
"What took you so long? Bolt's been anxious and you know he- Oh." her eyes met mine as soon as we entered the kitchen and she frozen, blinking at his son and then back at me, wiping her hands on the apron carefully as a smile took over her face, elicing my nerves almost completely. "Well, well, well. Isn't this a surprise?"
"Hello, Mrs Ryder. I-" but as soon as the apron was off her I was tugged into her arms. That felt good.
"My darling, I've told a million times it's just Julia. Here let me look at you." she pulled away cupping my face and examining me with a tender excited look. "Oh Alyson it's been forever since I last saw you. You're so grown up now. " I smiled, touched at her motherly behavior as Julia brushed away some locks from my face. "You're so pretty... So much like your mother."
My heart throbbed. "Am I?"
"Absolutely. Come here." And hugged me again. This time I hugged her back, getting emotional.
"Yeah, well..." Brett cleared his throat and I blushed at the reminder of his presence. "We kinda have to work on something and needed material, so that's the delay."
"Of course, of course." Julia pulled away but tugged me further into the kitchen and towards the stool by the small table. "Here, darling. You sit there and tell me about everything. How's school? And your grandma? I ran into her not too long ago and she told me you have a job?"
"Mum." sighed Brett forcefully, tilting his head backwards to glare the ceiling. "Have you not heard what I just said?"
"Of course I have." She answered unbothered, going through the cabinets seeking for something. "Have you what I said? Bolt's in terrible need of a walk. You know how he gets."
"Alyson's here and-"
"I'll keep her in company, you don't worry for it. Now go take care of it."
"But-"
"No buts." Julia's tone left no room for discussion and when she finally found what she was looking or she turned around with a boiler and smiled sweetly at me. "Can I offer you a tea? If I remember correctly you don't drink coffee, do you?" I grinned, moved that she remembered and nodded. "Say no more." The next second she was getting on with it, not even glancing where Brett stood eyes narrowed at her. "You still there, honey? Time's ticking."
His frown deepened and I had to bit down my giggle. His blue orbs shifted from his mother to me and I shrugged one shoulder, as if saying 'what do you want me to about it?'. He huffed. "Fine. I'll be right back."
Relief filled me when he exited the kitchen and dissipate the building tension in the air. But also something else pounded in my chest, something I didn't want to analyze. I heard the fain noises as he went to the backyard and we hears barks and fast steps of an excited dog. Not long after the front door shut and I knew they went for that walk.
"There you go." smiled Julia letting a fumming cup of tea in front of me.
"Thank you."
"Don't mention it." and pulled the stool in front of mine sitting down and popping his elbows on the table between us, her chin on her palms. "So, tell me."
"School's been fine. And yes, I do work."
"Where?"
"In the Taco Bell by the hall." I lowered my gaze to the mug, ashamed, carefully taking it with both hands and sensing the heat of it as I stirred it. The Ryders were, like, perfect. Logan Ryder was a respectful lawyer and Julia came from a whealty family, even Rose worked part-time in the Pet Shop before moving to college and here I was bragging about getting shitty shifts at a fast food place. My face burned at how lame I was.
But despites what I was expecting her face lighed up and smile didn't drop. "Really? And how do they treat you?"
"Good, I think." and it wasn't a lie. The work was frantic and sometimes stressful, but I wouldn't had a thing against it if it wasn't for the times when Noel, Jade or someone else showed up. But again, that wasn't the place's fault. "It's not a dreamy place but it allowed me to save up."
"So thoughtful of you." she nodded, satisfied. "As long as you can mix it with you studies and don't get too distracted any help is always welcome."
I smiled again, relief filling me that she wasn't judging. "Right. I also had this practices in the city, you know? In a photography Studio and recently they got me a chance to get an scholarship."
"Really?" I nodded eagerly and she squeezed my hand with a proud look that warmed my chest. "That's amazing, Alyson. So good to hear. Where?"
"In Nebraska."
"Oh, dear, that's so far." she touched my chin affectionately and I almost melt. It was as if she was going all motherly on me even considering I haven't seen her in like years but it didn't matter.
We talked about a lot of things, about my whereabouts, hers, she joked, I laughed... She made felt wanted and even loved and it reminded me of my own parents. It felt so good. I'd missed this too much, I'd missed her. So I could pretend for a bit longer until Brett came back and everything come back to its senses again.
I helped her organize everything after we were done with our little snack, and she command me to bring a bowl with chipt to the living room for when the boys came. Boys? But I didn't get the chance to question the plural, since as soon as I let it on the on the coffee table in front of the couch the front door clicked open and male voices came in. From there I didn't get to see them but before I could go back to the kitchen barks irrupted in as well and noises echoed in the corridor. Steps. But light and fast steps, followed by another bark. I couldn't stop a massive grin.
A huge white golden retriever entered the room and jumped on me, almost tackling me to the ground like that day on the park but this time I kept my balance and instead I crouched in the floor, giggling as his tongue licked my hands waving his tail agressively. He approached to do the same with my face but I pulled slighlty away and kept petting him.
Bolt growled deeply in pleasure as my fingers dug deeper into his soft white fur and I stroke it. His tail wagged faster in response and a low grunt escape his throat as he leaned more into me and his eyes hooded. I chuckled and rubbed him more, I placed a soft kiss on the top of his head and his fur tickled me.
"You're such a good boy." he groaned again and laid his head on my knee, resting there. "Yes you are."
"I'm kinda jealous now." I hear Brett's voice and my head snapped up, blushing hard as he moved over the table and left his backpack on it, next to where mine and the posterboard were. His smirk only seemed to grew when he turned and I lowered my gaze shyly, without stopping scratching Bolt's back before picking enough courage to look back up.
"You have him always." I mumbled with a small shrug. "I'm just enjoying this little moment."
One of his brows rose, his eyes never leaving mine and for some reason my heart jumped when he did that.
"Who says I'm talking about the dog?"
My breath hitched in my throat. Jealous? Was he meaning-
"White!" The new voice made both me and Bolt jump. The dog growled lowly and moved towards the backyard as I stiffly stood up, glancing the new comer I wasn't expecting.
David Ryder.
He was barely a couple years older than Brett, now a bit shorter than him but still tall, and way more build. When he was in Clayton High he was part of the soccer team as well and as far as I knew, his scholarship was based on his sport skills. His hair was dark instead of Julia's and Brett's auburn, but despites it it was cristal clear this two were related.
Even back when we were all kids he never actually payed much attention to me. I mean, yeah, he was polite and sometimes joined our games but out of the three siblings David was the one I had less relationship with. So I was beyond suprised when he didn't hesitate a second and approached me. I smiled, instinctibly opening my arms just before being engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. My side stung uncomfortably but I bit it down.
"Hey, Dave." I greeted airlessly.
"It's been like, what? Forever, since the last time I saw you. You don't get to do that, missy."
"You've been away." I laughed shyly, surprised he'd cared enough to be upset about it but satisfied by it too.
"So?"
Brett scoffed stepping close and patting his brother's shoulder. "Okay, okay, now let her breathe."
"Oh hush." Dave rolled his eyes and let go from the hug but only to keep me at his side, arm over my shoulders. "You're just jealous. We're having a little moment here."
My cheeks flushed but Brett's attention was on the guy beside me, narrowing his gaze dangerously at him. "A moment? Come on."
"Sure. Alyson is like the little sister I never wanted."
Wow! "Oh..."
David turned to look at me, a taunting grin curving his lips. "In the best way it can be said, that's it."
I smiled back heistantly. I really don't know what could be the best way in someone saying I was like the sister they never wanted.
"Anyway." Brett pushed his brother's arm so it fel by his side and out my shoulders and pressed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me forward to the table were our belongings rested. "We're kinda busy, so you mind fucking off?"
My eyes widened at his rudeness but David chuckled. "Come one, Brettie. I just got here." and let himself fell on the couch, his face lightening up when he saw the chips. "Oooh, snacks. Nice." and pick them up.
Brett's fists clenched, clearly not satysfied with what was going on. He looked at me, then at David again. "Dave."
"Don't mind me." the guy waved with his free hand as his other brought chips to his mouth, munching them. "I won't bother you." he looked up and smirked at him, then turned his attention back at me and swallowed forcefully before talking again. "So, Alyson. Do tell. Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Oh my God." Brett huffed pinching the bridge of his nose harshly and glaring the smirking male on the couch. Then shook his head and took his backpack before turned to me, his face softening as he did so. "Let's go." he took my wrist when, a bit confused, I picked my belongings as well. "We'll be in my room."
"Mmkey." David didn't dropped his smirk, popping another chip in his mouth. "Door open, Brettie." he called after us as the auburn guided me upstairs and I could felt my face flushing at his insinuation there but Brett only groaned and shouted him over his shoulder:
"Screw you."
"Lenguage!" Julia yelled from the kitchen and I giggled.
"Ugh, I'm so sorry." Brett apologized when we reched his room and despites his brother warning closed the door behind him. "He's just a dick."
I shrugged, feeling very self conscious and looking around trying to hide it. There was something so intimate about being in his room. Alone.
It wasn't the first time, and it surprised me to find out it hadn't changed that much. The walls still painted in that blue color since his tenth birthday and some posters of groups and players remained . But the trophies in his shelves had multiplied and the board over his desk was way fuller with pictures.
His smell here overpowered everything and I was ashamed to admite it wasn't a bad thing. I actually liked it. Way more than I should.
"It's fine." I grinned trying to keep my mind from the memories and thoughts that kept coming. Memories not only about our moments here but also about how I felt. How I felt about him. I cleared my throat. "I thought he was away for college?"
And my heart did a somersault when I turned to look at him again and found his eyes already on me, watching me watching his room. An strange emotion swirling there. My cheeks warmed as he lifted one shoulder. "He is. But he finished exams early or some shit like that."
"Oh, okay." I diverted my gaze, very self aware of his burning gaze on me. Why is he looking at me like that?
"Come on." this time it was him who cleared his throat and pulled away from the door where he'd been resting and towards the desk. "Here." he dropped the bag at the floor and shifted the rolling chair to the side. "You can take this, I'm going to pick another one."
And like that I was left alone in his room. In his most private place. Alone. Did he trusted me that much or he simply didn't care? I don't think I would be able to let him in my room by himself.
Bitting my lip I moved to the chair he'd pulled out and dropped there, slidding closer to the desk. My eyes got cought in the pictures on the board before I could prevent it. There where a lot of them. Most of them with Hunter. Going places, with the team, one with David and Rose in their trip to Berlin... I almost smiled at how genuine he looked in them. But then I spoted a certain one that got my blood ragging.
I knew this picture.
I had it myself as well.
It was from Macy's celebration after she got her braces removed. We were twelve then, and her parents brought us to the fair. Her, Brett Jade and myself.
The picture was taken in one of those photo booths that snapped four of them so each one of us can keep one. That was before the group split. I would had bet both him and Jade must had thrown theirs for how our interactions had turned out to be, but no. There it was.
The picture was really good. Considering at the time we were younger, we fit easier than if now we tried to recreate it now. The three of them were fitted in the bench and since I've always had been the petite one I was on Brett's lap. I got one arm curled around his neck, twisting to the side so he was seen as well, and the other on Macy's thighs, who was making faces over my shoulder. Jade was on Bretts other side, clunching on his arm that wasn't helding my waist. We all looked like we were having the time of our lifes and it was true.
I felt a pang in my heart.
That day we really hit it off.
I couldn't believe how things changed from that to... well. To what had happen recently.
"I'm back." I jumped when a chair appeared by my side and Brett took it, raising one amused brow at my reaction. Can you blame me? I didn't even hear him come in again.
"You scared me." I muttered, patting over my heart and he smiled.
"Jumpy, are we?" but then turned to look what I'd been focusing to hard on and frowned when his eyes reached the same picture. He tensed, cursing under his breath after the first second of cluelessness.I didn't know what I expected, him to be angered I'd been snooping around? Embarrassed I found this? But what I certainly didn't expected was the immediate dissatisfactions as his jaw clenched. "I swear," he mumbled through clenched teeth. "That each time I see her I can only see red."
My eyes widened. Was he talking about Jade? "Brett..."
His eyes met mine again, shotting something straight to my guts, as always. "I'd already had beaten the shit out of her if she wasn't a girl."
I flinched at his words, their meaning making my heart pounded wild my ribs. "Don't say that." I whispered and his heated eyes narrowed, burying deep in my soul.
"Why? It's true." he scowled. "And as for Noel-" the knot in my stomach became thousand times worst. He didn't know about that party, did he? Or about my so said 'nudes'? No please. Don't let- "Listen, I don't know what he did today but I know he'd bothered you... and that it's not the first time. But I can't-"
"It's fine." I stressed, diverting my gaze. "He's your friend. I don't expect you to go against him or anything."
His frown deepened. "He's not my friend. Where do you even get that from?" I shrugged fiddling with the strands of my pull-over, suddenly finding them super interesting. "We're not. I was just trying to say that I can't actually beat him because he's on the team." What? What had this to do with anything? Not having expected that I rose my gaze to see him slidding his fingers through his hair. "My coach would kill me if I started a fight with a team mate, you know?" my heart throbbed that he actually considerate it. I expected him to wave it off and let it be. Something fluttered in my stomach, awaking a tingling feeling that spread quickly inside me. Excitement? "Maybe even kick me out. He's super strict with that shit, so I don't really have a choice. But I can-"
"N-no, no." I interrupted, that sensation growing further when he locked eyes again. "I-I don't want you to do any of that. You don't have to do it. Nor beat him nor anything."
Brett scoffed, displeased with my answer. "They don't deserve your sympathy, Lys."
"I know."
"Then why the fuck do you keep justifying them? Forgiving them."
I gasped at his harsh tone. Why the hell was he so angry about that?
"I-I don't. It's just that... that..."
"What?" he pressed even more and leaned forward, almost manacingly. I immediately matched it backwards, and at my movement Brett seemed to finally focused on something other than his sudden rage. His features softening instantly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to get that mad. Not at you."
I breathed, calming my nerves, or at least trying since his gaze was so intense that got my heartbeat going crazy.
"No, its- It's fine. I just don't believe in violence."
"You've slapped me." Brett reminded with a shrug, but even tho he didn't said it in a harsh tone or anything I felt my blood froze in my veins at that memory.
Awkwardly, I played with my fingers and drop my gaze there. "Mm, yeah... I'm sorry for that."
"Don't be." he shrugged again. "I totally deserved it."
Still the churning in my guts kept tightening in guilt. "Brett, I-"
"No." he cut me in a soft tone, far from the rage I was expecting from him. "You're right. And I'm... I'm the one sorry, Lys."
For umpteenth time today, our eyes met and something in them felt so pure I couldn't but believe it. It felt so genuine and sincere. And also, it felt as if he was apollogizing for much, much more.
Who is he? I must seemed as shock as I felt 'cause his lips' corners lifted a bit.
"Surprised?"
Was he for real?
"Mm... yeah?"
He chuckled but it sounded sad.
"Don't be. I'm not that bad." I scowled. Did he really want me to answer that? But Brett didn't gave me time, shaking his head and took his laptop from his bed and to his desk. "Come on." he turned it on and smiled up at me when he was facing this way once more. "Mind if we get back to work here?"
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Hey! There you got another chapter! What are your thoughts on Brett's family?
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