The sunlight that found its way between her blue curtains always was the reason Nova woke up - that or the smell of wonderful cooking. But that day, it was neither.
Opening an eye, it seemed that the sun hadn't even made an appearance in the clouds yet, which made her worry even more about the blank space beside her.
Where could he have gone? Was he okay? Was he not comfortable with her? But it didn't seem like that the night before if the way they slept so soundly through the night with their limbs tangled together was of any indication. But then, why wasn't he here?
As the thoughts surrounded her, she flicked her gaze to the clock on her bedside table. It read it was still just five in the morning.
Nova decided to look around her once she sat up on the bed, blanket wrapped around her body to keep her warm, and that was when she noticed the light under the doors of her bathroom.
So he was in there, she sighed in relief.
As she awoke completely from her delirious state, she strained her ears in order to hear the sound of the water running but she didn't hear anything. And that alarmed her. She decided to wait a minute, two, and then three, but when it had been ten minutes already and there still was no noise whatsoever that's when Nova decided to stand up and investigate the matter.
It was very cold outside of the warmth that the blanket provided, being the middle of December. And although her room was warm because of the room heater, she still felt the hair on her body stand up. The pajama shorts she wore didn't do much help either; her silk nightshirt however, was providing warmth to her torso.
Before she could call out, she decided to wait a few more seconds. But when that eerie silence continued to consume the space around her, she decided to take matters in her own hands. The whole ordeal was making her nervous, and Nova didn't know what to do. She was afraid she would scare him if she acted out too hastily if he was actually in there. And so, she decided to check whether the door to the bathroom was locked or not.
It wasn't.
Taking a deep breath in she made her way towards the door and closing her eyes briefly she began to open the door slowly. When she saw no one near the washbasin, she decided to walk in. But there was no one in here. When that was clear and she felt her nerves trying to take over, she took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Going over to the washbasin and looking at her reflection in the mirror, she began to control herself. She decided to brush her teeth in order to get a bit more clearance in her head.
As she brushed her teeth, she pondered over all the possibilities that could be the reason behind her being the only one in her room and the man that should be with her missing at five in the morning.
One simple reason could be that Derek went home. After all, his house was just across from hers, it wouldn't be much problematic to go there. Maybe he just wanted to check how his house was...at Five A.M.
Or maybe he got some urgent call from work and had to leave. But then Nova was his assistant, she was bound to come wherever he was needed.
Sighing to herself she spit out the waste and began to rinse her mouth clean. Putting the toothbrush back at its place she saw another toothbrush there. The one that she'd given to Derek to use the night before. It was still wet - which meant it was used not a while ago.
And with that she thought of a new possibility and swinging the door to her bathroom open, she went downstairs to check. And she was right because there he was, standing near the window that gave the perfect view of the Apple Tree.
Slowing down her pace, she softly made her way towards him and when she reached him she stood beside him maintaining a distance. Maybe he would need some space.
She decided to do what he'd been doing - look at the Apple Tree. She wondered what the man beside her saw when he looked at it. To Nova, it was a tree, a tall, broad tree which had green leaves and a few ripe red apples and a few still growing, green ones. She figured Gillian would come to take the ripened ones soon. The leaves were a bit off-green; the cause of the winter. The dew that rested upon them glistened in the moonlight. It would snow in a couple of days. And Christmas was nearing.
She glanced at Derek and looked back at the tree. Maybe he saw the height that was between the ground and the first branch of the tree where an apple hung. Maybe he saw a ladder placed against the thick trunk and an old man walking towards it with a limp. And maybe he saw that same old man trying to climb the ladder with one of his legs of tin and-
"You know, Nova," she turned towards him as he spoke, getting out of her overactive imagination. "I take pride in my ability to remember most of the things that happen in front of me. I remember every conversation I've had with every person I've met. I know their names, the first places I saw them at, the purpose of the meeting, everything."
As Derek continued to look at the tree, Nova continued to look at him and wonder just how much information that must be. Nova would know what all that did to you-to remember every name you can, to remember a specific detail about them too. She knew almost all of her fellow students from the University by name after all. It wasn't anything painful, it was just a lot sometimes. And to think that this man remembered conversations was something that had Nova in awe.
"I know these things from a specific time period of course. I wouldn't remember things from ever since I was born," he continued, chuckling a bit and that assured Nova that he was still here. "It was the first day of school; first grade. I still had this..." he says, lifting his hand up to his face and brushing his fingers on his scar, but Nova noticed that he didn't quite touch the skin. It was like a ghost of a touch. As if he couldn't quite close the distance. He dropped his hand down. "I still had this scar then, and kids...kids can be cruel to other kids. And I was a kid too." He paused, and Nova saw him as he lowered his gaze from the tree and fixated it on the ground in front of him instead.
"It was understandable I guess, my scar was a bit too much back then, covered too much of my face and well, everybody listens to stories about monsters since a young age," and as he continued talking, Nova felt this pain in her chest, this pain behind her eyes, this pain on her skin, this pain in her hands and this pain in her legs, that she almost let out a pained cry. Almost, because she somehow managed to keep it in...just a little bit longer.
"It was like that from then. Kids, their parents, their siblings, teachers, everyone. Until that day when I met...him. As far as I remember, he had been the only stranger who hadn't looked at me...differently. It had confused me and I'd told him so. I'd told him what everybody else said. And then he had told me something that day. Something that I'd forgotten. Something that I remembered today." He said and finally, finally looked at Nova who was already crying. Her tears ran down her cheeks silently, glistening against the rosy skin of her cheeks; her lips bitten between her teeth so as to suppress any sound from leaking.
Although she was crying and her sight was blurred by tears, she still saw the soft look that replaced Derek's emotionless façade.
"Oh, love," he said, and Nova couldn't hold it in any longer. She gave in to the pain and closed the distance between their bodies. And the pain dissipated-in her legs, as she stood right in front of him, so close; in her hands, as she wounded them around his neck; in her body as she pressed herself flush against him and in her eyes as she closed them shut and breathed a long ragged breath, lips pressed against his neck.
He still smelled like her from the shower he'd had the night before but his own distinct smell was still present. He smelled like woods and mint and something grey. Something that calmed her.
And she calmed down even more when she felt big, cold hands press against her back, moving up and down in a soothing manner. And she calmed down even more when she felt his chin resting on her head. And she just about melted when she felt that sweet fleeting kiss that Derek dropped tenderly on her head.
They stayed like that for a while, but then Nova looked up at him and nodded at him, signaling him to continue on with what he'd been saying. He looked at her, his eyes shining and that crystal blue shone brighter than the moon ever could, and when he dipped down Nova closed her eyes. And when his lips landed on her forehead her tears that had stopped almost started spilling again.
Almost, because she kept them in; this wasn't about her, this was about him.
With a deep breath, Derek continued.
"I remember almost everything - everything except that day and all that we talked about. I-I don't know what it was, but apart from the feelings and the attachment I'd developed for him, everything else seemed to be locked up in a haze inside my head. I could never remember exactly what we talked about and this happened for about two years. But then..." he took a deep breath in again, and looking up at the tree continued.
"After those two years, I started seeing him in my dreams. It would always be the same, him and me in front of that tree, in this garden, sitting on that bench. But every time, the conversations were different. I soon figured out that they were...memories. Memories of that day that had been locked up. The dreams aren't like nightmares; they're never like nightmares. If anything I feel at peace in these dreams but as I near consciousness - as I start waking up, that's when I realise that I'm actually dreaming. And that's when - when anxiety strikes."
Nova tightened her hold on him on that note, and buried her face flush against his chest.
"So that's how I began to remember that day. And that's how I'm still remembering them. But today...I-" it was so unlike Derek to stumble on his words and to trail off while still saying something - Nova was still trying to get used to it.
"Today the conversation we had it was...it was..."
"It's okay," comforted Nova. "Take your time. And you don't have to if you don't want to. We can always do this whenever you're ready."
"But I'm ready now."
Smiling at that, Nova responded. "Then I'm listening."
"He said some things about my scar," as he said that, Nova felt his hold on her loosening. Not wanting that, she unwounded her arms from around him and placed one of her hands on his so as to not let it move any further and the other she lifted onto his face. On his scar. Her fingers brushed the skin for a bit before she palmed the side of his face, her thumb still stroking the scar.
"He said my scar was what differentiated me from the crowd. It wasn't me, but it was a very obvious part of me. And that not everybody has an obvious distinction about them. He said that me and him - we were lucky that we had such an obvious distinction about us. And that we didn't have to spend years doubting ourselves, doubting our existence, doubting our identity. Because we had a major factor that described us, that made us stand out in a crowd - and that it didn't necessarily have to be a bad thing.
"And that we were lucky. He said it was up to me whether I continued to loathe myself and the world for a mere scar, or if I chose to live with it, accepting it as it is, as a part of my identity..."
As he trailed off, there settled another wave of silence. But this time no one was crying. No, Nova was taking in all that she'd been told and Derek...he was reliving it. The dream, the past, the conversation. Until he spoke again, taking a long, deep breath in.
"So that's when I woke up. There was no anxiety this time, no paranoia, no fear, I woke up...in peace. Do you want to know why, Nova?"
Lifting her head up to look at him, she then nodded her head, a small smile adoring her features.
"Because as he had been telling me all that in my dream, I saw you." Nova's breath hitched in her throat. "I remembered how you were the second person after him to treat me with kindness, regardless of what lays on my face. Regardless of anything really. But that wasn't why I thought of you - at least I don't think so. It was because you were different from him, yet similar. You didn't tell me what it was to accept myself, you showed me instead. And I don't think you have any idea how much that drove me crazy. I spent hours thinking why - why would you do the things you did, why would you ever feel like you could touch me - touch it. It took my own mother some time before she could even get used to its presence on my face. But you...you came into my life and you just... it was like you--"
"No."
"Huh?"
Nova shook her head at him, her smile gone - a slight furrow in her eyebrows instead.
"I did nothing, Derek, don't put that on me. Because it's not true."
Derek looked taken aback at that, he seemed lost for words and so Nova decided to elaborate on what she meant. Dropping her hand from his face she turned around in his arms, her back pressed against his chest, now looking at the apple tree as her hands rested on Derek's which lay upon her waist.
"Everyone has a darkside, Derek, but everyone has it different. Some have similar darksides but it's still different and dark all the same. We would rather the world forgets about it than acknowledge it, than to work on it, and I believe that is completely okay, that it is completely justified. It is human nature to cover up what we think doesn't fit in with others.
"You have a scar on your face, its visible than what most people have on them, it stands out and as Mr. Lamb had said, it makes you stand out in return. You have a story connected to your scar, its dark, very dark, and I'm sure it must've been very hard for you to handle, especially since it started from such a young age as well. But you did it, you kept going forward, you didn't let it stop you, you didn't let it hold you down. It managed to haunt you, but eventually you made peace with it, and it only managed to scare you when you felt like your past was colliding with your present.
"But then you found a thread that kept you connected to the present. And that thread just happens to be me but that doesn't mean I did some miracle, as if I meddled with your subconscious. It was all you, Derek; you managed to connect yourself to the present even when you were being confronted by the past. And tell you what; I don't think it's an easy feat either. To have such a story as yours, and to be visiting it on the daily for years, I believe you to be one of the strongest people I've ever met. I couldn't ever imagine being what you are today if I were in your shoes. So it is all you, Derek, it's all been you and it's all going to be you. Don't give me credit for something that was all your doing. Don't do that to me, Derek, don't do that to you."
It went silent after she said all that, it was quiet for so long that nervousness started to poke Nova on the sides and after a few more minutes she couldn't help but to lift her head up to look at Derek. To say she was shocked to catch him staring at her would be an understatement. Nova was taken aback, her neck instantly flushed with colour.
"What?" she asked, timidly.
He didn't reply, his only reply were his eyes, roaming around Nova's entire face as if he wanted to figure her out, as if he was looking for something.
Feeling flustered, Nova ducked her head forward, causing her hair to fall on her sides covering her flushed face. But the hideout didn't last long because soon Derek was turning her so that she faced him again.
"How do you do it?" was the first thing he said in the interval of minutes.
"Do what?"
"This."
"What? I just told you I do--"
"Yes, you do."
Before Nova could argue again, a long slender finger was placed on her open lips, shushing her instantly and when she realised what was going on, her face turned even redder than it already was.
"I wouldn't give you credit for something that you don't deserve it, especially now that I've been told not to do so. But you need to know about the things you do."
"Oh-Okay."
"It might be true that I connected you to my present, that I held onto you, but you were-you are the reason why. Why would I think of you as a thought that would keep me stable when I'm stumbling? Why would I think of you if you never did anything? I wouldn't. But I did because you're special, because you're different, because you're similar to him, because you bring positivity with you."
"I-That's-"
"I'm not done."
"Oh, okay."
Derek's palm was now cupping Nova's cheek, not allowing her to look down at her feet like she so wanted to. She was sure she now resembled a beetroot, tomato was long gone. Yet as much as she may want to hide herself and take in this jittery feeling and stop her face from glowing red, she still held Derek's sparkling blue eyes. His eyes were truly so beautiful. Nova would always think of them as the most beautiful thing to ever exist.
"You showed me kindness at a place where I was used to getting stares. People your age look at me with disgust, even now, when they first see me. Girls look at me with fear or with pity, and they never want to get anywhere near me. And I'm not complaining. I'm used to all that, it's not like I want everyone to throw themselves at me or bow down to me or to look at me and smile or to think of me as a prince charming. That's not the point. The point is how you come with so much brightness with you. You never looked at me like others do, never felt uneasy, never even felt intimidated and I don't know how to feel about it to be honest," Derek chuckled, the corner of his eyes crinkling just the littlest bit as his gaze went down to the ground when he laughed, his pearly white teeth making an appearance for the shortest time, his pretty lips blooming beautifully to let that melody of a laugh pass through his sweet, sweet mouth. And that was when with a start Nova realised, when she felt her heart pick pace, how she thought of Derek when he chuckled for the shortest of while, that she may actually like him a little too much. This new realisation did not help the case with her cheeks at all.
"You reminded me of him, but you also did so much more than that. You showed me how I was a human being too, how the difference in my appearance didn't have to be that huge at all. You treated me like I was special, but also like I was normal-I don't even know if I'm making any sense but, but you needed to know this. You're special to me, Nova, you are. And I'm so g-"
Rising on her tip-toes, she kissed him. Because how could she not.
How could she not kiss him when he went on and said all of that about her? He made her heart act weird, made her stomach feel weird, made her face resemble fruits and vegetables, made her all shy and jittery, made her want to be so, so close to him that there was no way she couldn't kiss this beautiful man who held her. There simply was no way.
His lips were soft against hers, just like they always were. He smelled like mint, just mint because of the toothbrush he used and Nova was sure she smelled the same. But his taste was so beautiful, so addicting that Nova couldn't hold the sigh that left her. Derek was surprised for a second there, but when Nova pulled back after that first, soft kiss, he rose his hands to the back of her neck and one on her waist and he pulled her so close that she felt as if he wished to never let her go, just like she thought of him. And that thought was beautiful too.
Her palm found its way on Derek's beautiful cheekbone again, the other one wounding in his soft, thick hair, tugging on the strands to pull him closer. Tilting her head following the guidance of Derek's palm, their lips angling better and it was so good because she felt Derek nibble at her bottom lip and it just about had her dropping on the ground-had it not been for Derek holding her upright.
The kiss wasn't like any they'd shared before. No, this was something else entirely and Nova was most definitely not complaining. Not when she felt a wet sensation glide across her lips causing her to gasp in amazement, a hot feeling taking over her entire body. She opened her lips to give him the access that he asked and the moment his tongue touched hers, she was done for. She forgot all about anything or anyone else, all she knew of was Derek and her and nothing else.
All she knew was this man who had been through too much, all for a small difference on his skin, all for something that everyone had. All she knew was herself, now standing in between his arms, being engulfed by his warmth, by this man who was so much more than a scar, so much more than his dark side. This man who had lost someone so important to himself, someone who came to matter so much to him in such a short period. It showed how he was always so vulnerable, always waiting to open his heart if he only had someone who understood, someone who listened, someone who looked past that dark side, some who looked past his scar and the mess it caused in his life. That was truly all that he needed and the moment he got it for the first time at such a young age, it was taken from him on that same day.
Nova could only imagine - no she probably couldn't even do justice to the real deal even if she imagined - as to how much Derek must have been through. It pained her when she thought about it, to think a child had faced discrimination since such a young age, didn't even have anybody to rely on. A child.
And because she never wanted Derek to feel all alone again, she decided to show him she was with him. So she pressed more into him, she kissed him with more fervor, she held him tighter, and when she pulled away with a soft noise to take some much needed air in, she made sure to press her forehead to his. And just to make sure he got the message, she voiced it out too.
"You're not alone anymore, Derek, not anymore. I'm not leaving you-no matter what. You have me too now, forever. I'll be with you, for as long as you want. Even when you don't, I'll still be there, always, forever, till the end of eternity. So never, never feel alone again, okay? Please, ju-"
"I know," he whispered, his soft breath fanning over her. "I know."
----------
The sun was up now, no more shy to show its face, no more hidden behind the clouds. It was up and it shone, not as bright as Nova would've liked but it still made its presence known. The day was chilly, which was expected of the weather since it would snow in a couple of weeks, and the wind blew relentlessly as well. The day was going on and so were Derek and Nova.
"Will you be busy at lunch?"
"No, I'll come to you."
"We'll have lunch together?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
When they'd realised in the morning that time hadn't actually stopped even if it felt very much like it and that they'd both be late if they didn't hurry up, Nova and Derek decided that it was probably best if they got ready to go about the day. Plus they'd have to commute a longer distance since they had been in Cambridge, so it was an obvious better choice. And that's what they did then and that was how they ended up at the top floor, parting now to move to their respectable offices, discussing if they'd be having lunch together that day, just like any normal couple would. It felt so domestic. Nova welcomed the giddy feeling that thought brought with it.
Surely the chemistry was evident now? Because Nova was being very real and if this wasn't enough then she probably wasn't made for this. But that didn't matter, not anymore. And she didn't want to dive into it deeper so she opened her office door and stepped inside, placing her bags and getting seated to look over work.
Perhaps she couldn't really get much into her work mode, she realised after half an hour of typing away personality traits of the employees, because apparently she had been smiling as she looked at her computer screen.
"You seem to be in a good mood today, Ms. Newton."
Whipping her head up at the voice, Nova saw Genelia standing near the opened door with coffee in hand and a few files that she had to look over.
"Good morning, Ms. Newton," Genelia greeted with a smile when Nova took the coffee from her, her cheeks already colouring as a shy smile took place on her lips.
"Good morning, Genelia. And yes, I guess, it is quite a good morning," she said, taking a sip of the cappuccino, trying to act a little bit composed.
"That's good to hear," Genelia smiled again, eyes squinting. "Any particular reason?" she asked, raising her perfectly shaped brows.
Nova thought about what to answer, and before she could come to a conclusion as to what to provide, her mouth was already running.
"I believe it has something to do with the announcement," Nova could hear how her tone turned soft as she said that and she wanted to cover her face in embarrassment but she also wanted to squeal in excitement. But she wasn't as far gone so as to not notice the look of confusion on Genelia's face.
"Announcement?" she asked.
"Oh, yes. The wedding announcement. I didn't think Adam would actually go forth with it since he wanted to announce it properly - you know, by holding a charity ball or a business party or an event just to announce the news, but I felt like this was it, since everyone had been doubting us. And as much as it shouldn't have, it did still hurt me since, you know we've known each other for so long and our bond is important to me and..."
As Nova kept on telling her all about the announcement in a way she figured an excited partner would go about it, she didn't fail to notice the way Genelia's whole demeanor changed. She was no more smiling, no more a ray of sunshine. Instead her expression was hardened, the way she clutched her hands in front of her so tightly was enough to unsettle Nova.
Why was she reacting this way? Did she have a thing for Derek? That could be a possibility seeing how she reacted the last time she behaved in front of Derek when she'd caught them-in a moment. Yes that was probably it; Derek really was a looker with the scar or without it so-
"How can you be happy about such a thing."
That halted any and all thoughts Nova could come up with. Genelia didn't say that as a question, no, she said it as if she was wondering to herself. The way she didn't lift her head up, though, that was definitely making Nova doubt Genelia even more. What does she mean by that?
"I thought this relationship was only for show, and I thought you both will call it quits when both of you benefit from the popularity and the fame and the sudden tabloid space you're getting on the daily. But to hear you be happy about marrying that- that-"
It seemed that Genelia didn't really have any name to call Derek, because she couldn't decide on what to call him. She heaved a deep breath instead and continued, the glazed over look in her eyes still there - Nova could see now, because Genelia was looking right at her.
"You don't know him, Ms. Newton; you don't know where he comes from, what he's done. He's not what he may seem like. You may think you know him but you don't know about the deeds he's done. But I do, I do. I know who he is - I know what he is. So stay away from him, Miss, it'll only do you good if you do."
Nova was beyond shocked, how does she know that? Does she know everything? Who is she? Why is she here? All of those thoughts running in her head. She would have to figure it out - what Genelia meant by saying all this. Judging from the way she talked, it was very clear that she resented Derek, and that she probably also knew about his past - albeit only very little of it, but she knew something and that could be problematic. Genelia could be problematic. So Nova decided to play it safe, to approach her softly, to not do anything to alarm her.
"Genelia, hey." She called out softly, cutting off through her rambling. Genelia stopped abruptly.
"Are you alright?" Nova asked again, softly, and Genelia looked at her with wide eyes as if just now realising what all she just said.
"I-I- Ms. Newton, I-"
"Hey, it's okay. I think you should take some rest. We'll talk about this later when you're better but...Genelia. I know Adam, I've known him ever since we were kids, so you speaking about him like that...but as I said, we'll talk about it later. Take some time, drink some water. I'll call for you soon."
Genelia seemed to be contemplating whether to explain or to just leave but then deciding on the latter she nodded her head, still looking rather shook, and made her way out of the office.
Nova looked after her, at the door when she was gone; she just sat and...thought. Before she picked up the phone, pressed a number and waited for the other line to pick up.
"Genelia, the girl who's assisted to me, everything you can find... Thank you, Jason."
A/N:
Omg I'm so exciteddddd yess shits gettin real woohoo!
Alright, yeah. So. New update! Yay! Hope you like it lol. Gen be actin sus huh? Let's see what it's all about! I'm really excited lol for not real reason.
Anyways, read, comment, vote, add, follow, share, enjoy. You know it ;)
I'll now be going again disappearing for idk how much time but as always hoping to be back soon (soon as in within a week but I know it's wishful thinking :') but...here's to hoping!)
See you again!
-Z.
(P.s: I'm gonna watch 'I Want To Eat Your Pancreas' and I've heard it's very heartbreaking so give me luck lol. And yes I'm suddenly into anime and stuff as well idk what's happening.)