Nothing happened for what felt like forever. Nova's heart had picked its pace again, and Derek's face was still stoic.
She would've stood her ground again and asked him what was it now, why was he looking at her like that but this time; she could feel something wasn't right with him. Something was disturbing him.
She knew by the clenching and unclenching of his jaw. She knew by the storm going on in the blues of his eyes. She knew by the way he stood there, his body tense, his hands curled in a fist in his pockets. She knew.
What she didn't know was how to handle it. How to even begin. How to proceed from here.
Was she in a great, deep trouble? Was she actually going to lose her job? It'd be fair if she did, she wanted to play hero, and all wannabes had to suffer for their show.
Because Derek seemed to not want to move even an inch of his body, Nova took it upon herself to sacrifice her life and utter out the first words. Someone had to do it and Derek didn't seem to want to be the one to do it. So nova had to take the lead by default, didn't she?
"Derek," she said his name, softly. That was all she could manage and it seemed to be all that Derek needed to hear. Because he blinked just as she called him. Though his eyes still held the storm in them. She won't go unharmed, she knew that now too.
"Ms. Newton," he all but grunted so low, she barely even heard it.
Something made her want him to be close to her. But he didn't make any move to even cross the threshold of his own room.
"Come here."
She didn't know what she was saying. She shouldn't know what she was saying, onlyâonly she did. She knew and that's why she was saying it.
Derek still didn't move. Only his jaw clenched again, his eyes darker now.
It didn't look like he was going to move any second now, so Nova decided to go there instead. But as she was shuffling with the blanket to get it off of her so she could get off the bed, a hand was holding hers in a grip so tight yet so gentle, she almost flinched back.
Almost because now she knew the feeling of his hand. Derek.
And just like that Nova stilled right where she was, her eyes looking for his in the dark. When she looked into the blues of his, she saw the storm so clearly there, she saw how he held back with the way he was clenching her hand in his so tightly yet making sure he doesn't hurt her, that it made her want to drop dead right that instant.
"You shouldn't move yet," Derek said then, softly, holding back the rage Nova could feel.
"You should've come when I called for you, then." Nova was playing with fire. She knew she was playing with fire but it was because this time, she wanted to see how it would go out of control. It was clear that the hangover had just done a number on her. She was going insane; was losing all of her sanity.
"Don't test me, Ms. Newton. This is not the time." As he somehow managed to utter that through clenched teeth, Nova gulped. Now she was scared. Being scared was new to her. Nova wasn't someone who got scared that easily but now, now she was.
"Sorry," she said.
And as soon as she said it her heart jumped out of her throat because after taking a sharp breath, Derek leaned forward, his hand travelled up leaving hers and found the side of her neck instead. He touched his forehead to hers, closed his eyes, his other hand found the other side of her neck and he was holding her so close to him that she could feel all of him. During all this he had shifted closer to her too, and she was still in his room and in his clothes. It was only him all around her now. She was breathing him, feeling him, thinking him and it was overwhelming her.
She could sleep this way, she thought as she closed her eyes shut.
But her peace was short-lived because she heard Derek's rapid breathing. He wasn't peaceful. At least not yet. So Nova decided to ask for herself.
"What is it?"
He didn't answer for a while, didn't say anything. Didn't even move. He was scaring her even more.
"Derek," she spoke so low, so soft, she almost thought she didn't utter any sound at all. But the second she called his name he'd opened his eyes, tilted his head just a little, foreheads still connected and looked for her eyes.
This close to him, to his eyes, she saw all of the blues. In dark, he was scary, his eyes were scary. All she could see was blue and then only darkness. The shade of blue was darker nowâmuch darker than when she'd first seen him. Back in Cambridge, in front of his house.
Now it was just darkness, with a lovely shade of blue at the outside and then, just darkness. Just like a storm. Like the dark side of a storm.
"How could you?"
The sudden question was enough to bring her back to reality, back in his room and away from the storm of his eyes, away from the darkness.
His voice still sounded strangled and now Nova needed for him to let lose. This wasn't right for him. He was bottling up everything inside him and that wasn't good for him. He had to open up. He had to. And if for having him do that Nova needed to become a bit darker herself, then she will. She would have to go willingly right into the eye of the storm.
"What do you mean?" She asked even though she knew exactly what he meant. And it broke her heart.
"Why did you?" he asked her instead.
"You don't make senseâI don't understand." But she did. She understood.
"Don't act dumb, goddamnit!" he shouted. Good, that was what he needed to do.
"I-"
"Don't!" he warned. And even though Nova was scared, very scared, she didn't let it show. Because if she let him see how his behavior was making her feel, he would retreat right back into his cage and bottle all of his emotions inside him. Never to come back out. And that wasn't good.
So she remained silent. Didn't say anything and lowered her eyes.
Nova would never have thought that she would surrender, let alone in front of a man but now that she was doing it, she felt like crying. But not for herself. For the man she was surrendering herself, for the man who had started meaning something to her. Something that he probably shouldn't.
"Nova..." he called her name. He said it so softly yet so clearly that Nova sighed and almost fell into his arms. When had he started meaning this much to her? What was the sudden pain doing in her heart? Where were the flutters gone?
"Nova..." he said her name again and now she couldn't take it. She lifted her hands up to her neck, placed them above his, rubbed his hands for just a bit then closed them against his hands and brought them down, between them.
"I'm sorry," she said meaning it.
"Why?" he asked, his brows furrowed but not in confusion. No, he was still angry.
"You know why," she whispered.
"And I thought you didn't?" he was teasing her, yet it wasn't playful. No, it wasn't. Not one bit.
"I'm sorry," she apologised again.
"Why do you keep saying the same thing? Why do youâjust why, Ms. Newton? Why?"
He was away now. Not in front of her anymore, not seated on the bed. He stood beside the bed, brushing his hair back, palming his face and letting out a frustrated growl. He walked a few steps away from the bed, got in front of it and then looked out the window.
He was resisting. But he shouldn't.
Nova started to get up again then, but he saw her this time too. "I told you not to get up yet. Stay there. Go back to sleep." He commanded.
"Don't tell me what to do," Nova snapped back. She was starting to get angry too. Why wouldn't he just shout at her? Why was he fighting his anger? They both knew it wasn't something to let slide. They both knew Nova was at the wrong here, doesn't matter if she'd gotten herself admitted in a hospital. In fact, that was all the more reason to shout at her, she made the ruse complicated! What had they told the media? What happened after she pulled that stupid stunt? She needed answers and Derek won't give them to her because he was angry and upset. But he won't even let his anger out!
What was angering her even more was how he was just staring at her after she said that. With a straight face, now not even the anger showing. He was too good at this, but he shouldn't be!
So having enough of beating around the bush, she decided to just do it however her messed up brain would tell her to. So she took the blanket in a fist and began to push it aside furiously only for her hand to be held in another and prying the blanket away from her hold.
"What the hell?"
"What theâyou tell me Ms. Newton, why are you so adamant on making me do something I don't want to? Huh? You are testing me today and it's fucking with my head in the worst way possible and you know it. You fucking know it yet, yet you'reâ" he cut himself off, didn't continue and that angered Nova.
"I'm what? What Derek? Just say it already for fuâ"
It wasn't Nova that decided to cut her sentence short. It was Derek who did it for her.
In a flash he had held both her hands up and pressed her down to the mattress, her hands pressed right above her head. The next moment his face was in front of hers and then his lips were on hers.
He was kissing her. They were kissing.
Her eyes closed the instant her lips felt his, feeling his lips against hers.
He was testing waters as he laid the first kiss. So soft, yet so firm. It was Nova who gave him the green signal when she kissed him back and then he wasn't tense anymore. He let her hands go, touching his way back to her neck, tilting it sideways and kissing her fully.
The flutters were back in her stomach as he kissed her with so much emotion. It wasn't anger, for that she was grateful. It was something else, something that felt more like affection, something she felt too.
Her hands were now lost in him. One lost in his hair, his soft hair that she pulled slightly when he kissed her, the other gripping his shoulder, pressing herself more to him, kissing him as eagerly as he was kissing her. His hand that was up until now resting on her neck travelled down her body, making Nova shudder and moan softly, and when his hand rested on her waist and grabbed her shirt, his shirt that she was wearing, and pulled her towards himself, Nova couldn't help but break the kiss and breath out at that. She needed oxygen but she hoped she didn't. She wanted to keep kissing him, feeling him, his hands, his hair, his body, but she needed air.
Derek, however, didn't stop. He was now laying kisses on the corner of her mouth, making Nova close her eyes again. His addicting mouth travelled to her jaw the next, then he was kissing the very corner of her jaw and Nova was shuddering in pleasure again.
Both his hands then came around her, embracing her and pulling her so close to him that there wasn't any space left. It felt like there wasn't any inch left. He dropped his head in the corner of her neck and breathed deeply. In and out, Nova could feel it. She then began to sync her breathing with his, and it was so calming, so soothing. Her hands then found his way onto his head. Stroking his hair gently, the other rubbing circles on his back because he seemed tense again.
Neither of them said anything, just enjoying each other's presence, bathing in it, securing it within their memories and in their hearts.
"Derek," Nova said his name because while he seemed to calm down a bit, he was still breathing heavily.
"You knew," he whispered. And they were back to where they'd started.
"I'm sorry," she said softly, stroking his hair and hugging him close to her.
"Why?"
She didn't say anything because this time he wasn't angry. He seemed to really want to know. But before she could explain herself, he began speaking.
"I'm the one who should be apologising to you. I brought you to the party and I should've been there with you at all times. I failed to be a betterâa better..." He trailed off, didn't complete his sentence. Nova had no idea why it hurt when he didn't say what he was going to. It frustrated her too because it would've cleared everything â what he thought they were. But then, how could anything be clear now? Here they both were just now doing what they didn't have to, kâ
"And I should've come sooner even when I received your message. I took too long. I never should've left you there in the hotel room all alone. I should've..."
"It's okay, Derek. You came just on time. You caught that guy, didn't you? Youâ"
"I would've got to him before you had to do anything. If only I'd just been a betterâa..."
"Say it." Nova said. She wanted to hear it. Wanted to know what he thought of her. Even if it meant that her heart would hurt, she wanted to know. But he didn't tell her that. Instead, he lifted his head, looked at her as if he was looking for something, looked at her face as if he needed to find answers and only her face could give them to him, looked into her eyes as if he wanted to escape. And then the next second he had gotten up from the bed.
He was brushing his hair back again and stood facing the window, just like he was a few minutes before. Right before he came andâand kissed her. Her heart and stomach fluttered as she thought of what happened just seconds before. Her lips tingled telling her that yes, yes it really did happen.
"There you were, lying on the ground just likeâjust like he was. Just like when I was too late to do anything. I thought life was fucking with me in the worst way possible, that my head was fucking with me but then I saw that motherfucker. Lying pathetically there and I thoughtâI... But your eyes were open and you were looking at me. And then you smiledâyouâyou smiled! At me! You have no idea how pathetic I felt. I felt so..."
He was opening up. Not entirely but he was trying and for that, for that Nova was grateful. So grateful in fact that she wanted to jump right out of bed and throw her hands around him and just be close to him. So close that he knows she was still here. That she hadn't left him.
"You looked relieved the moment you saw me and then your eyes closed. All I could think of was 'no, not again.'"
Nova couldn't help anymore; she slid the blankets off of her as silently as she could and stood up from the bed.
"When I finally held you in my arms and felt how cold you were, IâI almost lost it. I couldn't believe my own self, I was..."
Sliding her hands around him, she hugged him close to her, as close she could and as close he'd let her. But then his hands came and held hers, and uncoiled her hold on him almost having her heart drop.
Almost, again, because he pulled her in front of him and then embraced her. She was shorter now, much shorter than she was when she'd worn heels. So short that Derek rested his chin on her head as she had her head resting on his chest, hearing his rapid heartbeat which had started to slow down. She smiled.
"But you weren't gone like him. I could feel you breathing; I could feel your pulse, your heartbeat. You were still there. I took you to the hospital then and I kept thinking. What if the damage that was done was too much? I called Penton then, he said he'll talk when you wake up and I thought I'd actually ruined it for you."
As Derek said that the smile on Nova's face vanished. She wanted to hear more but she also...didn't want to hear it too. But she didn't interrupt him. Taking a deep breath and holding him tighter, she listened.
"I went to him then, to tell him it was my fault and of that other girl you were with, but he told me something else entirely. He said that your position was still safe. It was just one accident and you're still just an intern and the mistake isn't that big. That you weren't in any kind of danger. Instead he wanted to talk about the traitor. He said he wanted to praise you instead and inform us all about what the guy had confessed. While I was coming to you, back at the party, in the parking lot, I'd already called him and told him to bring some people to take that fucker away. They were the ones who'd taken him. So weak, the guy didn't even wake up that easily."
Nova chuckled at that and as she did, Derek's hands came up and lifted her face up, making her look at him and his beautiful, beautiful eyes. They were crystal blue again.
"I was so proud of you then, darling. Still am. You did so good and all of that with a migraine, too. It worried me but it also made me feel so, so proud of you but that was the thing. I couldn't, for the life of me, understand who was I to feel that way. All I'd done was be in that fucking party, drink, and spend money like some loser while I should've been there with you making sure that what happened doesn't happen. But what did I do instead? Iâ"
Nova didn't let him complete after that, she was the one who got on her tippy toes and kissed him, grabbing him by the sides of his face. He immediately reciprocated but this time the kiss was soft. It was filled with what Nova wanted to make him feel. It was calming, soothing.
Pulling an inch back she caressed the side of his beautiful face, stroke his scarâ that fascinating scar, the scar that made him so much more beautiful and then looked back at him.
"It wasn't your fault."
Before he could object, she put a finger on his lips. "I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. And I want you to believe me."
Derek breathed out a laugh and the corners of his eyes wrinkled which made Nova smile too. He had a beautiful smile. He had a beautiful face. But the way he ducked his head when he smiled made her feel like maybe, maybe he didn't know that.
The dark side of Derek's life still haunted him, it seemed. He was still connected to whatever happened to him. And Nova had a feeling that not all of it had something to do with the old man's death. She would find out what it was. She would make him see through the dark and bring him to the light. But it would all be on Derek's terms. She won't push him, but she will sure direct him to it. She will.
"You've come such a long way, Ms. Newton. What can I even say. In such a short amount of time, too. You've truly outdid yourself. We'd had an inkling that you were going to be good since you were the first intern ever to work for us, connected so directly to the case too. I'd thought that Penton and Mathur had gone easy on you and let you in but, no. No, Ms. Newton, you truly deserved the place." Derek praised her, making her flustered. But then she remembered something and just had to call him out on it.
"I believe this was a test passed well for you? Are you satisfied yet or are you going to surprise me again with a few more tests of yours?" she asked him, narrowing her eyes. A playful smile on her face.
He laughed fully this time, throwing his head back a little which made her smiled widely as well. He was so fascinating, so, so beautiful.
"You can tell me, you know, if you need me to kick asses of a few more sons of biâ"
"Speaking of bitches..."
Oh shoot!
One, she was cursing without any filter. Cursing more than she had in her entire existence and two... she really did call him a bitch!
"I didn't, did I? Tell me I didn't," Nova asked him, trying to walk away from him and wanting to bite her nails. Another thing she never did. Was she turning into a new person entirely/ had she swapped soul with someone? Who was she?
"So demanding, Ms. Newton. But you've had this side since the beginning. I'm happy its showing its face fully now," Derek said. He was teasing her. That gorgeous wizard! He was making her smile through this! He definitely knew some tricks.
"But you really are a wizard, aren't you?" Nova asked him nevertheless. In a playful mood as they both were, she better.
"Oh, but I thought I was a witch? Oh, no, no. I distinctly remember being called a bitch instead."
He pressed the word when nova tried to scream over him and slide away but to no avail, he wouldn't let her. Damn him.
"So, tell me, Ms. Newton. What exactly am I by your definitions? As options we have colourful names: a witch, or a bâ"
A gorgeous, beautiful wizard who does tricks on her heart and makes it flutter.
She wanted to say, but she didn't. She laughed along with him when he teased her instead. This was better.
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A/N:
Here I am with yet another update but as you all saw, this one is so much better lol. You're welcome my precious people and I hope you enjoyed it ;)
What else can I say, I just hope you all are doing very well and are safe.
Oh and Eid Mubarak to all of you who celebrate!
See you next time!
-Z.