"He is a murderer," her dad repeated it again. This time, in a lower voice.
Nova didn't know what to do or say. This was definitely a shocker. Then again, Derek had obviously killed someone, it was a part of his job, it shouldn't make much of a difference when she knew his field of work all along. But it did because the way her father said it wasn't one to be taken lightly. He seemed hurt and he seemed to hate Derek. Very much so. And so, Nova had to know.
"What is that supposed to mean? Of course he has killed people, it's a part of his job," she tried to reason.
Murderer.
Something about that word unsettled her. People who are supposed to kill other people aren't called that. Because they kill bad people, people who deserve it. And it didn't matter at that time that Nova always thought no one deserved death because she didn't want to believe anything. She wanted to know.
"Ms Newton, we should get going," said Derek. His tone as though he was suppressing some emotion. As if he didn't want to -
"Yes, Nova, you should get going. I am obviously going to give you some time to get to know things. He hasn't killed you yet, and he definitely won't kill you now because you are a part of an important organisation but don't trust him. That is all I can say," and saying that, his father went ahead for the door.
With no smile, no hug, no kiss on the forehead. Nothing.
Was it all true then? What her father just told her?
She didn't say anything. She didn't when Tim was out the door as well. Or when Derek sighed beside her and took her hand to lead her out of that room. She wanted to take her hand out of his grasp but she couldn't even do that. Because she was thinking.
When they arrived at the floor where the party was still going on, Derek left her side and went to look for Mark - Officer Penton. Was he an officer at all? Was any of them?
When he came back, he took her hand again and they went for the car in the dark sky. The weather didn't seem to be well because there wasn't a star to be seen. What was all this filmy stuff that was suddenly happening to her? Her life was anything but before all this happened. She was a popular girl who never let popularity get into her head. She knew everyone at school and at college and she treated everyone well. She didn't have much haters - especially not the ones who wanted to 'dethrone' her. There wasn't a throne to begin with, and even if any such thing existed, she never owned it. All the things that people seemed to be stuck on such as status and social hierarchy, never really existed for her.
But now those things didn't matter because there were things bigger than all that happening in her life. She was an agent. She was a spy. She suddenly had a neighbour who was her boss. Her boss was allegedly a murderer, and not in a way that didn't mean anything. Her parents hated her because they hated him. Her parents aso hated her because she didn't do as they said. She didn't do as they said.
She wanted to laugh. Nova wanted to laugh like crazy. She was always so composed, she always knew everything. She knew how to act, how to behave, what to say, what not to say. She always tried to be perfect and all of that for what? For some out of a movie thing to be happening to her? And now this thing that messed with her head. Nova doubted for a while if this was one of Derek's infamous 'tests' but she somehow knew it wasn't. This was something bigger, and she couldn't decide if she wanted to know at all.
The car ride was silent, as quiet as it could be. The silence wasn't even deafening, it was just, too silent. Nova had dealt with things before, she had dealt with many things but never anything like what she was going through right now. It seemed so unrealistic, so out of the blue and appeared at such a random, such a wrong time that she just didn't know how to even approach this in a manner that wasn't as twisted as this whole situation was.
Before Nova could delve right into how she was going to ask him what was going on, she saw that they weren't going to the penthouse. They were going to their houses.
Was this a way of confirmation, then? Was her father saying the truth? Was she no longer a part of the MI-6? Was that even real?
*
The car finally stopped in front of both of their houses, neither said anything, neither of them moved. About after a minute or two, Nova decided to look up only to find Derek staring ahead, his jaw clenched, hands holding the steering wheel a little too tight. He was showing all signs of being guilty and Nova wasn't sure how she felt about that. All that she was feeling was something she hadn't felt before. She had an idea that the feeling had to be something related to disappointment but she also knew this was stronger than just disappointment.
It was all new to her and it didn't help that Derek decided to close off again. So, Nova decided to leave him be as well. The man needed time, it was clear as day on his face, his behaviour which was why she opened the door and walked to her porch.
It was dark, the wheather wasn't well, surely no one would be home; Alesso or Gilliam or even Tim.
Tim.
What was he even thinking following Nova's dad's orders and doing that kind of stuff? If anything, that made him more untrustworthy in her eyes. And he followed her? To her work? To her office! And he managed to do all that without getting noticed! Something was not going right in Nova's life, she was sure of it. Something was glitching and it was costing her a great deal of emotional turmoil. And the fact that no one still would tell her anything made her want to just drop wherever she was and just not be so composed for once in her life.
Before she could actually do that she wiggled the keys to her house which she kept in her handbag by habit and opened the door wide open. Considering turning around and looking at Derek for a while she decided not to do that. The flimsy stuff was enough as it was as of now, she couldn't handle becoming a new drama entirely. Though she thought all that in her mind, her eyes still searched for Derek when she got in her house and turned around to close the door.
There he was, already looking at her. Not waiting any longer she shut the door before she could speak something without processing through her mind first.
Her house was empty, just like had always been to her - void of any other living soul apart from hers. And she never had any problem with that, she had found her solitude in the emptiness of it, thinking that all that she needed was only herself. Besides, Alesso and Gilliam did give her company from time to time, it wasn't that bad of a thing. But now, now she was just caught up in her own head. Was this normal? For an adult to be so cut-off with the outside world and yet be the one who they all praised?
She was sure many of those people thought she was brought up with a silver spoon in her mouth and she'd be lying if she said that that wasn't the case. Because it was. She never really had to struggle for anything. Everything was laid out to her wherever she went. There was nothing that she didn't have except for, maybe, a social life, which wasn't anything special to her anyway.
Even when she got accepted to the MI-6, it was still an option she had which she got from the college. Sure she got in the college on her own, because she put her all in highschool, and maybe she got the offer because she didn't stop giving her all even after she went to college, but then, what was all this fiasco that was happening in her life now?
Only one way to find out.
As that thought came in her mind, she realised that she was practically sticking to the door, still. Well, that made things a tad bit easier. Before she could come up with any convincing excuse not to do what she was thinking of doing, she opened her door again.
Only to see Derek already standing there with his hand held up in the air.
"We need to talk," she said, sounding all buisness-like and not as if she couldn't wait for the answers any longer. That she couldn't be moping in her head for petty things. Petty things. As if.
"I presume we do," that's all he said before stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Two seconds passed and he still stood there, in front of her door, not making a single move to even enter the house. Sighing to herself, Nova grabbed his hand and pulled him in even though she felt him get tense. Oh, she had to know everything.
Leading him to the sofa to her living room, she stopped there, dropping his hand which had been tense all the while that she had held it. Then just out of the polite behaviour she seemed to be made of, she asked him if he needed anything to drink. To which he replied that he didn't. But the way he swallowed seemed to say he could do well with a glass of water and so, she went to take it. She needed water, too.
As she made her way back to the living room she saw him standing in front of a random painting that was hung on the wall. Nova didn't remember where it was from but realised she didn't know and thus came to the conclusion that it must have been there from before. She put her hand forward, the one that held the glass for Derek to take. But he didn't seem to notice that, too much engrossed in the painting.
"I didn't kill him."
Her hand retreated when her ears registered his words and an involuntary sigh of relief passed through her mouth. Placing the glass on the shelf placed right below the painting Derek's attention was at, she took in a deep breath. She had hoped as much, perhaps she wasn't aware of it through all the chaos her mind was in, but she knew she didn't want to believe the worst of him. She wouldn't have thought that of anyone, really, but Derek wasn't just anyone. He had become someone much more than that.
Nova didn't say anything, she knew the topic was a touchy one for Derek to share and yet, here he was, doing just that. It must be hard enough for him and she wasn't going to make it harder by probing him and demanding more and more information out of him disregarding his person altogether. She had realised that while dealing with Derek Adams, one had to be patient, one had to be willing to wait and waiting, she could do.
Just like that, just as this puzzle that had formed in her head since earlier, was solved, her whole mind seemed to relax. Relieving itself of the dark and unfamiliar thoughts that had consumed her before. She should've had some faith in him, she knew him all this time. Sure she wasn't familiar with the deepest, darkest ones of his secrets but he seemed to be a genuine person. Sure he seemed suspicious on more than one occasion but that had to be something personal which no one had the right to force out of him until and unless he himself pleases to do so. Which he now finally did, well, in a way - in a twisted way, courtesy of her father.
"But I feel, more often than not, that I could have saved him."
And that sentence alone was enough for the breath to hitch in her throat again.
"He lived here, in this house," he continued, leaving Nova latching onto every single words of his. Suddenly, she wasn't sure of her surroundings, it all felt very unfamiliar to her, like it never even belonged to her in the first place.
"I never really knew him, but the first time that I ever saw him was the last time that I did. Because later that day he died, in the garden; the garden where you now have roses and flowers growing." His voice seemed to come out of a faraway land, as if he wasn't really here, in the present, but reliving the past which made him feel choked. Nova could tell by the vein now very visible on his neck that he didn't want to talk about it, but he also, at the same time, had to.
He turned then suddenly, turning and facing the garden through the see through, high-ceiling windows of her living room. He stood by the window, his eyes focused on the bench that had been there since she came here. It hadn't been in a good shape when she first saw it, but now it was shining, its surface well polished. Although she couldn't remeber if she ever sat on it or even paid much attention to it, it just seemed like a thing placed there for showcase. Until now, as she looked at Derek looking at it.
He swallowed again, his eyebrows meeting which looked very stressed out. His breathing became very fast, his hands shaking before he fisted his fingers and put his hands in the pockets of his pants. The intensity with which his eyes now focused on that one Apple tree that Nova's garden had, gave away the fact that whatever happened, it had very much to do with that particular tree.
And because Nova found herself wanting to cry - to cry for him. She had to stop him from whatever hardship that he was imposing on himself, simply because of what her father had accused him of. Her hand lifted up to touch his arm, her fingers tightening around when they reached him, drawing in a deep breath in incase her breaching his privacy wasn't welcomed. But when nothing of that sort happened, she circled her left hand around his arm as well and rested her head on his shoulder.
She didn't know why she did that, except for the fact that she had a feeling that it would calm him down. Which was absurd seeing as he flinched everytime anyone got any close to him. But it wasn't like that this time - this time, he took in a deep breath as well and Nova felt his shoulders relax, almost as if he was breathing again.
"You don't have to go on," she whispered to him, her voice barely audible. "I trust you," her eyes closed as he exhaled deeply.
They stood there silently for about a moment or two, but then, Derek spoke again, "I didn't kill him -"
" -No you don't - "
" - but," he pressed on when she cut him off to make himself heard. "But, I did get taken to some officers when I reported that someone was dead," he said, his voice now composed, almost unemotional, especially when he uttered the last word out.
"They put me in counseling because I was too young to have witnessed something like that. Years of it until when they were convinced that I wasn't going to spill anything while the truth was that I didn't know anything. They asked me to tell them about him, but I didn't know much myself except for some things that he had told me in the span of a few hours. I couldn't tell them all of that because they wouldn't have been any use to them. Then one day, another officer came to see me, and he was the one to refer me to the MI-6. I didn't say much because I had no choice. I was homeschooled and I had my degrees so no one opposed it, and that's how I became an officer." He told her, pressing on the last word as if he was mocking her. Or himself, she couldn't be sure.
Nova didn't know what to say, and she had a feeling that he wouldn't like her saying anything much so she kept mum. But that didn't mean she didn't have any questions. What actually happened aside, there were still some of the questions in her mind that craved answers - the ones that had lead her to actually believe her father for a moment there earlier, but she wouldn't ask. It was straining enough already as it was, she wouldn't pester him even more.
"People still believed that I was the one who killed the - " he stopped himself short when it came to the person who had died. But then he continued again, "It wasn't entirely their fault either since I was taken to London almost immediately after they discovered that I was - that the death had - that it wasn't going easy," and there it was again, the strain in his voice, the clenching of his fists, the tensing of his shoulders.
"Derek, please," and all Nova could do was plead. Plead for him to stop, to stop putting so much stress on himself.
"I wasn't seen much after I was taken to London. It isn't much far from here but I still didn't come back, my parents settled there as well, leaving the house that they had here. People thought I was actually the culprit, because I was shifted and because nobody disclosed anything since my parents didn't want that to happen, thought that'd put more burden on me..." He trailed off after saying all that in one breath. His shoulders beginning to relax again, and as she looked up at him he had closed his eyes.
The scar was very visible now that she was on his side, the one where his scar lay. She felt that wierd tug again, the one that urged her to touch it but she held back. This wasn't the time, the scar was probably the outcome of whatever went down that day with Derek and the man.
So she simply tried to calm him down more.
"Derek," she called out to him, not sure what she had to say to him yet, holding his arm in between hers tightly. She wouldn't go as far as hugging him since he seemed to not like much touching, which Nova respected.
And then, for some reason, Nova rested her head against his shoulders again and taking a breath in, whispered out this one thing that felt like she ought to let him know: "I am still with you."
------
A.N:
I know it's been too long! But what can I say, this chapter, although it's not much long, but you won't believe how much it troubled me. This felt like the longest one so far! But I do believe that that isn't the case here lol. I'll leave the judging of that onto you people. (Even if it was longer it still works for you, doesn't it ;)
I think I owe it to you to at least let you know why this took so much time. So the backstory is only partially out which was the reason why it took me ages to write. Firstly, when i had planned this story loosely, this chapter was supposed to be dedicated to Derek's entire past-this and the next chapter as well which wasn't coming easily to me. I mean I knew what I had to write here but it just wouldn't come out. I read the story on which I've based this one on again and then i felt even more clearer on what was going on in this story.
Then i began writing this again in hopes of finally getting it right and then Nova said "you don't have to do it" and Derek, of course, agreed. And when both of them agreed who was i to deny them? I went on with it and this is what came out. And can i also say that i LOVE it? Yeah, i finally got this right and I'm just so happy :')
Hope you like it too! Too much for an Author's note right? Sorry about that! Here the usual goes: read, enjoy, comment, vote, share, add, follow, love you!!!
(I'm suddenly even more in love with Zayn. Seems like the Valentine's reminding me of MY love lol. That guy is perfect, felt like I should let you know, I'm dead on him. His voice, his music, his hair, his eyes, HIM <33)
ILL LET YOU GO NOW BYEEEEE SEE YA SOON! (Hopefully lol)