Chapter 280: Book 4 Chapter 39: A Bad Joke

Vell found a good-sized rock and held it in his palm.

“I’m telling you, it’s not going to be that easy,” Kim said. She watched carefully as the dragon’s teeth sank into the earth.

“It worked for Cadmus and Jason,” Vell said.

“Those dudes weren’t you, Vell.”

“Well thank you for that scathing but accurate appraisal of my existence,” Vell said. “I’m trying it anyway.”

The dragon’s teeth sprouted into fully grown warriors, and Vell immediately chucked the stone into the midst of the Spartoi. Each of the newly created warriors assumed one of the others had thrown it, and fell into infighting. One by one the warriors crumbled back into the calcium they’d been born from, until only one heavily injured warrior remained.

“Well, I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong,” Kim said. She walked up and bopped the last Spartoi on the head, and it crumbled into dust. “Good work, champ.”

“Well, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t fully convinced that would work either,” Vell said. “That’s why I brought you.”

“I figured,” Kim said. She’d done a pretty damn good job beating up the Spartoi on the last loop.

“I’m going to go hit the books, try to fit in as much study as I can,” Vell said. “You mind keeping an eye on things?”

“I can keep a couple dozen eyes on things, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped into the security cameras for a second, and her face immediately went blank.

“Kim? Kim, what the fuck is happening?”

Kim shook her head clear, and her facial projection reactivated.

“You need to get to the teleportation gate, now,” Kim demanded.

“Oh god, what is it?” Vell groaned. “Is Kraid importing a death ray?”

“Just go, Vell,” Kim snapped. “Don’t ask questions, just go!”

Vell went. He didn’t ask questions, not even why Kim stayed behind despite the fact she was much faster than him. Vell raced towards the teleportation gate, and his mind raced with a thousand different nightmare scenarios. When he finally got to the gate, he found something he hadn’t imagined, because it wasn’t a nightmare. More like a dream.

“Lee!”

His already frantic speed doubled as he sprinted towards Lee and hit her with a hug so hard she nearly got knocked off her feet. Lee laughed with delight and returned the embrace, only pushing Vell away when she wanted to look her friend in the eyes. Vell looked like he was close to crying.

“Don’t cry, damn it,” Lee said. “You’ll make me start too.”

“I’m trying my best here,” Vell chuckled, as he swiped at misty eyes. “I just- I missed you, Lee.”

“I missed you too, dear,” Lee said. She looked at Vell once again and sighed with contentment before turning her attention to the school around her. “I see you’ve managed to keep the place intact in my absence.”

“Mostly, yeah,” Vell said. “In spite of everything.”

“Everything indeed,” Lee said. She had heard about all Vell’s many struggles, but only from a distance. “Are you alright, Vell?”

“I’m fine,” Vell said, in the cracking voice of a man who was definitely not fine. He continued to demonstrate his not-fineness by rapidly changing the subject. “What’s with you, though, what brings you out here? I thought you weren’t coming out until graduation?”

Lee and Harley coming to celebrate Vell’s graduation had always been the plan, but that was not for another few days.

“Joan sent me a message, said it was urgent,” Lee said. “I already had the funds for a ticket set aside, and there was a free slot in the teleportation schedule, so here I am.”

“Huh. What was so urgent?”

“She didn’t specify,” Lee said. “Maybe she just thought you needed emotional support.”

“Let’s hope that’s it,” Vell said. There were a lot of other options, all of them much worse.

“Let’s.”

“Hey,” Kim shouted from the sidelines. “Are you two done having your moment?”

“Quite so, dear,” Lee said. It had actually been getting a little grim there at the end, so the heartwarming reunion was definitely done. Kim had called in the rest of the crew, so the reunions were back on as Lee warmly greeted her, Samson, and Hawke, and then turned to the new face among the crowd.

“Hello, Miss Lee,” Alex mumbled. “I’m Alexandria Gray Hawk, I’ve been the acting magic expert in your absence.”

Lee stepped forward and looked Alex up and down with a critical eye.

“I will admit I wasn’t exactly up to par at the beginning, but I hope I’ve grown to meet expectations in the-”

Alex cut herself off as Lee stepped up and grabbed her in an all-encompassing and affectionate embrace.

“What is happening,” Alex mumbled.

“Sorry,” Lee said, as she released Alex. “You just had the look of someone who needed a hug.”

“You are...not entirely wrong,” Alex said. She adjusted her clothing to a pre-hug state. “A little warning next time, though.”

“Certainly,” Lee said. “Now, if you all don’t mind, I would very much like to find my girlfriend and find out why I am here.”

“I’m a little curious myself,” Kim said. “Come on, she’s about to wrap up teaching the freshmen.”

It was hard to miss a hundred freshmen arranged on the quad, so they found Joan’s makeshift class in moments. Lee took a seat on the sidelines, behind Joan’s impromptu podium, and waited patiently for class to complete.

“You’d think she’d be ready to say hi,” Samson said.

“This was all rather spur of the moment, Samson,” Lee said. “And education is important.”

As important as it was, Joan’s class wrapped up, and she put her teaching materials away. Mostly. She got about halfway through before happening to glance in Lee’s direction. She immediately sprinted that way, and everybody else stepped back to give the couple a little breathing room. Joan and Lee had been dating about a year, but only in the very long-distance sense. Kissing was still very awkward for them.

“God I have been wanting to do that for a long time,” Joan sighed, as the awkward kiss ended. “What are you doing here?”

“Answering your call, darling,” Lee said.

Any joy on Joan’s face vanished in an instant.

“What call?”

Everyone who had stepped back stepped up again. That was not good.

“You sent me a text this morning, didn’t you?” Lee said. “You said I should come here urgently.”

“Lee, I have not sent you any texts today,” Joan said. “Not even to say good morning.”

Lee stepped back and pulled out her phone. She opened up Joan’s contact and saw the message in her history, clear as day. She had about a second to ruminate on that before another message popped up on her phone, from another sender.

“A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom,” Lee read aloud. “First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.”

“Lee, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s a text from Freddy,” Lee said. “I’m not sure why he’d send me something like that.”

“I don’t know, and I don’t like it,” Vell said. “But I think we should go track down Freddy.”

“Agreed.”

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Freddy was delighted to see Lee -and baffled as to why she had a message from him.

“I haven’t sent you anything today either,” Freddy said, once he’d been told the full story. “And I certainly wouldn’t send you...I don’t know, I think that’s the start of a joke?”

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“I’m beginning to worry about what manner of joke this is,” Lee said.

“And how it ends,” Vell continued. “Freddy, do me a favor and pull out your phone.”

“Oh, I sure hope nothing happens,” Freddy whimpered, as something immediately happened. He got a message right away. “Oh no. It’s from Shareef.”

“Another bad business pitch, I hope,” Goldie said. Shareef liked to throw out marketing pitches for things they’d recently invented. They weren’t exactly good, but he kept trying.

“Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist,” Freddy said. “And there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.”

“More of the same,” Lee said. “Then I guess our next stop is Shareef.”

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“Hey gang,” Shareef said. “Great timing, I was just thinking of-”

“Not now, Shareef,” Lee said. “Did you send any messages to Freddy Frizzle today?”

“No. Why, should I have?” Shareef asked. “What’d he invent, and does it rhyme with ‘busy’, because if so my dad has a great-”

“Stop,” Vell commanded. “Shareef, get your phone out and read whatever message pops up.”

“Okay, sure,” Shareef said. He whipped out his smartphone and started reading. “‘Stop texting me about your dumb business ideas’.”

“Not that one,” Vell said. “Give it a second.”

A second later, his phone dinged again.

“Oh, here we go,” Shareef said. “It’s from the Dean. ‘Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done’.”

“Off to the dean it is, then,” Lee said. She and her friends hustled off without Shareef in tow.

“Great networking with you guys,” Shareef shouted after them.

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“Lee, wonderful to see you again,” Dean Lichman said, as they intercepted him in the halls.

“You as well, Dean, but I’m afraid we’re in the middle of something.”

“I should’ve guessed,” Dean Lichman said. Vell and company existed in a perpetual middle of endless somethings. “How can I help?”

“Do you have any suspicious messages on your phone?”

He checked it quickly.

“Yes, actually,” Dean Lichman said. “‘Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and S107’.”

“S107?”

Vell and Lee locked eyes in temporary confusion. Vell was the first to turn back to the dean.

“Who sent that text?”

“Unknown contact, I’m afraid,” Dean Lichman said.

“So what the hell does S107 mean?”

“Well, if I had to guess, I’d say ‘Senior 107’. That would be your old room, Lee,” Dean Lichman said. “I had to get quite familiar with the blueprints overseeing the repairs from that hole you blew in the wall.”

“Ah, yes, sorry again about that,” Lee mumbled.

“Quite alright,” Dean Lichman said. “It went unoccupied this year, due to aforementioned wall-exploding, so it should be unsealed for your investigative purposes. Do you need any help?”

“No, thank you Dean,” Lee said. “But, perhaps keep an eye on things.”

“Noted,” Dean Lichman said. He turned on his heel and beelined for his office. Lee took a deep breath and turned back towards her old dorm.

“Time to go back home, I guess.”

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Lee had walked through the door a thousand times across her tenure as a student. Now she feared to even take a single step towards it.

“Anything?”

“Nothing,” Kim said, as she concluded her scan. “Aggressively nothing. Something’s blocking me. There’s no way to tell what’s inside…”

“Without actually going in,” Lee concluded.

“I got it,” Kim said. Her metal body was the least killable. She popped the unlocked door open, and disaster did not strike, at least in the literal sense.

“A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom,” a mocking voice droned. “First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.”

Vell’s eyes narrowed at the mere sound of the voice.

“Kraid.”

He stepped inside ahead of everyone else.

“Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.”

Vell stepped into the center of the dorm. It was mostly barren, entirely devoid of the furniture and décor Lee had once covered it in, but a small seating area had been set up, along with a big screen television that was currently playing the news. Kraid and Helena sat in lounge chairs facing the tv, and did not turn around yet. The television was muted, making it impossible to tell what the anchors were saying.

“Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.”

Kraid stood, and folded his hands behind his back. For a moment, Vell caught a glimpse of something he was hiding behind his back, but could not identify it before Kraid turned around. Kim, Lee, and the others filed into the dorm, and Vell held out a hand to keep them back. Helena stood up along with Kraid, and glanced towards her sister only for a moment before turning her eyes downwards.

“Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time.”

Kraid walked forward, towards Vell, his face utterly expressionless. The kitchen area was near the front of the dorm, right where Vell was standing. Lee and Joan shuffled to the side, around the counter, to keep an eye on Kraid -and to have something to hide behind if necessary.

“When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch,” Kraid continued. “So he heads over to the punch table-”

In a flash of motion, Kraid withdrew whatever was behind his back in a flare of silver and red. Vell drew backwards, Lee readied a spell, and Kim readied her fists. Kraid ignored them all and dug a knife, already dripping red with blood, into the nearby countertop. He clenched the handle of the knife in a skeletal hand and locked eyes with Vell.

“-and there’s no punchline.”

Behind Kraid, the television unmuted, and the anchor’s speech piped up mid-sentence.

“-conservative estimates place Kraid Tech in control of seventy to eighty-percent of the research and manufacturing spheres after the series of hostile takeovers and unexpected mergers,” the anchor said. “A shocking upturn for a struggling company that all started this morning when Kraid Tech merged with Roentgen after-”

A single drop of blood rolled down the edge of the knife.

“-the deaths of Noel and Granger Burrows.”

The TV went black. The room went quiet and cold. Helena smiled to herself.

Lee was the first to break. A conflicting surge of emotions took her legs out from under her, and she fell to her knees. Vell took a step back and broke out into a cold sweat as Kraid followed him step for step.

“This, and everything else that is about to happen, is because of you, Harlan,” Kraid said. There was no joy or humor in his voice, not even the twisted sadistic glee that often accompanied his words. “I was ready to treat this like a diversion, play a little game, but you pushed it. You were smart enough to challenge me, and stupid enough to piss me off!”

Kraid raised his voice only for a moment, but the anger was palpable and terrifying. It faded, and some of the sadism returned, as Kraid smiled a lopsided, toothy smile.

“I am going to rip your pet Goddess out of the heavens, and I am going to pry the secrets of immortality out of her corpse,” Kraid said. “And when I have it, I’m going to keep it for myself. And my assistant, of course.”

Kraid gave a brief nod to Helena.

“Maybe a few other rich bastards, if I like them enough,” Kraid said. “But I’m going to keep it to myself for a few generations, until I’m so far ahead of the curve that no one else will ever be able to catch up. And you’re going to be right there with me.”

More blood dripped onto the countertop as Kraid stepped back, away from Vell, to examine him with a cruel glare.

“I am going to make you immortal just long enough to watch everything you love wither and die,” Kraid said. “Your parents, your girlfriend, Lee, Harley, Joan-”

Helena’s head shifted for the first time, almost imperceptibly, to glance at Kraid.

“And when the last piece of Kim has rusted down to atoms...Well, then I’m just going to kill you,” Kraid said. “Let’s be real, I’ll probably be bored of you by then. But first you’ll get to watch everything you love rot, knowing all the while that it’s all your fault.”

Kraid stepped up again, and Kim almost punched him before Kraid continued on, walking right past Vell.

“Because you’re good, Harlan,” Kraid said. “But you’re not good enough.”

There was no maniacal chuckling as Kraid exited, and that was somehow worse. Helena followed him out, adamantly refusing to make eye contact with anyone she walked by. She cast a glance at her sister on her way out, looking for her reaction to the deaths of Noel Burrows, the man responsible for disfiguring them both.

Joan didn’t look back. She was too focused on Lee to even see her sister walking past, much less give Helena the reaction she was looking for. After decades, they had revenge, and Joan didn’t even care. She had something else to care about. To care more about.

Helena kept walking. The brace dug into her skin painfully with every step.

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“Nothing’s happened yet, but I locked the place down and sent everyone home just in case,” Harley said. Vell had phoned her as soon as he’d come back to his senses, to check on her and Harlan Industries. Everything was seemingly fine, so far.

“He probably wants to beat us the old fashioned way,” Vell said. And also leave the company and everyone in it intact, so Vell could watch them crumble and die, but Vell left that part out. “Stay safe anyway.”

“It’ll take more than that fucker’s got to kill me,” Harley said, hoping all the while it was true. “How’s Lee holding up?”

“I’ve been giving her some space,” Vell said. Joan was with her, but Lee hadn’t spoken a word since hearing about the murder of her parents. “I was going to check in as soon as I’m done with you.”

“Well then be done with me, Vell, I’m good,” Harley said. “I’m heading over there ASAP, see you soon.”

Harley hung up, and Vell paced a few laps around the hall just to take the edge off before heading for Joan’s room. He knocked, just as a warning, and then headed inside. Joan was leaning on Lee’s shoulder as she sat on the couch, knees pressed to her chest as she curled into a ball.

“I just got off the phone with Harley, she’s fine, so is everything and everyone at the company,” Vell said. Hearing that Harley was safe visibly lightened Lee’s mood, though she was still morose. “How are you holding up?”

“God, I don’t know what to feel,” Lee said. She gave a sad, half-hearted chuckle. “I spent most of my life wishing Noel and Granger were dead, but...not like this. Not for his sick games.”

As much as she loathed her parents, even Lee didn’t think they deserved whatever Kraid had done to them. He was ten times the monster they had ever been. Lee stood up, wobbling as she did so, and clenched her fists.

“He needs to pay for this, Vell,” Lee said. “He needs to pay for everything. And you are the only person who can make that happen.”

Vell glanced out the window at the purple butterflies that flocked to his every move. Because he was unique. Because there was something that only he could do.

“I know,” Vell said. “I know. I’ll get started right away.”

“We’ll get started,” Joan insisted. “You’re not doing any of this alone.”

“We should get everyone back together,” Lee said. “Everyone we can trust.”

“Yeah, sure, let’s-”

The door slammed open once again. Dean Lichman barged in, scanned the room, and locked on to Vell.

“Dean, great timing,” Vell said. “We need your help-”

“I can’t help you with anything, Vell,” Dean Lichman said.

“What? Why not?”

“I just got fired.”

Vell’s brow furrowed for exactly one second.

“Uh oh.”

The school’s PA system clicked to life, and Vell felt it like a gun pressed to the side of his head.

“Attention students of the Einstein-Odinson College. This is your new dean, Alistair Kraid.”

Vell put his face in his hands, and resisted the urge to cover his ears. He knew what would come next, but he had to hear it anyway.

“Along with this change in administration, I am happy to announce a change in our finals schedule,” Kraid said. “Specifically, that there will be no finals.”

In spite of everything, Vell was slightly amused by the muted cheer he heard outside.

“Instead, your final grade, and your graduation, will be determined by contribution to a group project,” Kraid continued. “My project.”

The glee in his voice was evident even across the speaker system. Vell shook his head in disgust.

“Bring your A-game, students,” Kraid said. “Starting tomorrow, we’re going to find out the meaning of life.”