Chapter 204: Book 3 Chapter 38.1: Harsh on Marsh

“Okay, first things first, hi Joan, nice to see you,” Harley said, and she mostly meant it. She’d gotten past almost all of her issues by now, but a few sticking points did remain. “Secondly, no offense, but why are you here?”

“Excellent question,” Joan said. “I am apparently doing graduate recruitment for Kraid Tech. A plan I learned about a whopping three minutes ago. Kraid told me what to do and shoved me through a portal.”

From her confused, slightly disheveled appearance, and the bag haphazardly slung over her shoulder all lent credence to her story, not that anyone distrusted her much in the first place. It just sounded like the sort of thing Kraid would do.

“Doesn’t most of this school still think you brain-fried the principal a few years ago?”

Hawke and his classmates hadn’t even been on the island for that, and they still knew the story. Gossip about it had even spread to Samson’s class, and even now, people were avoiding Joan on campus.

“Frankly, I think the people Kraid’s looking to recruit aren’t that concerned about a little brain-frying,” Joan said. Vell nodded in agreement. Kraid had done much worse than fry brains in his time. He’d eaten at least one that Vell knew of.

“On the note of Kraid’s evil, dear,” Lee said. “I believe we should spread out and make sure he’s not up to something. Kraid did use you as a distraction during your last visit, after all.”

“Smart,” Vell said. He was the first to head out and go scouting, and only a little bit because it was generally awkward for him to be around Joan.

“You guys can put your stuff in my room for now,” Kim said to their two guests. “It’s mostly storage anyway.”

She left as well, followed shortly thereafter by every permanent resident of the island other than Lee, leaving her to tend to their two visitors.

“And we’ll have to figure out your sleeping arrangements,” Lee said. “Normally I’d volunteer my dorm, but I recently exploded it.”

“Maybe all three of us can crowd on Harley’s couch,” Leanne said.

“It’s a large couch, but you’re also a rather large person,” Lee said. “And I have very pointy elbows.”

“Good point. We’ll figure something out,” Leanne said. “For now, can we drop off our bags? I’m getting sick of hauling luggage around.”

No amount of strength made it fun to drag a suitcase around for hours, and Leanne wanted to ditch her literal baggage. Joan had more emotional baggage than literal, and she wanted to ditch both, but the literal baggage was easier. Lee led the way and let both of them drop off their bags in Kim’s sparse dorm. Joan stopped to examine Kim’s collection of knickknacks, and was disquieted by the white and black coin standing permanently on its side that Kim had received from Quenay last year.

“I kind of expected it to be cleaner than this,” Leanne said. Kim rarely made actual use of her dorm room, and she rarely maintained it either.

“I told Kim to clean it more often, but she always says something to the effect of not worrying about hygiene,” Lee said. “And that she’ll outlive the building anyway.”

“Do you believe that?”

“Absolutely not, she’s just lazy,” Lee said. “But you can just throw your things anywhere, she won’t care.”

Both did so. Leanne’s bags landed with a dull thud, and Joan’s landed with a sharp, crystalline clink. Lee’s ears perked up.

“Joan, dear,” she mumbled. “What was that?”

“I don’t know?”

Leanne looked at the dropped bag, and saw the very edge of something poking out of the opening, glinting in the light.

“Did you not think to check the bag that the most evil person in the world gave you?”

“It was the first thing I did,” Joan said. “It must have been invisible, or teleported in later, or something.”

“Just don’t touch it,” Lee commanded. “I’ll get help.”

----------------------------------------

Vell was not the first person they called, but he was the first person to show up. He stood cautiously outside the door to the room and examined the backpack from a distance with his scanning glasses. To everyone’s surprise, they pinged with a result within seconds.

“Anybody know what a quantum particulate spacial randomizer is?”

Leanne, Lee, and Joan all said some variation of “Nope”. Joan offered a slightly more helpful followup.

“It sounds like the kind of thing Freddy would know about.”

“Agreed.”

Freddy Frizzle did tend to know more about anything with the word “quantum” in the name. Vell gave him a call and repeated the question as to what the doohickey was, then put him on speaker so everyone could hear the answer.

“It’s just a crystal matrix containing some subatomic particles that bounce around randomly,” Freddy said. “Hard to make, but not very useful.”

“Do they explode?”

“No.”

“Are they radioactive?”

“Nope.”

“Could you stab someone with one?”

“I suppose they’re statistically more likely than most things to have a pointy end, so maybe?” Freddy said. “They don’t really do much of anything. Their only real utility is that the particles bounce around so often and so randomly they’re effectively creating infinite possible futures. Anyone precognitives standing near one get a killer headache.”

“Well that doesn’t sound-”

Vell stopped himself mid-sentence and turn to look at Joan, who was looking at Lee, who was very intently looking at the floor. Joan thought Lee could see the future. Or she had, until about ten seconds ago.

“Oh. Thanks Fred, we’ll talk later.”

After hanging up and shoving his phone in his pocket and stepped between Joan and Lee.

“I know this-”

Joan stepped around Vell and faced off with Lee again.

“You’ve been standing near that thing for who knows how long,” Joan said. “And you haven’t even blinked.”

“It’s...complicated,” Lee said.

“You told me you could do all this weird stuff because you could see the future,” Joan said. “You lied to me.”

Back when Joan had still been a student on campus, she had become suspicious of Lee and company’s odd ability to know when bad things were going to happen. Since telling the truth would drive her crazy, Lee had opted for the convenient lie that she could see the future. A lie that was now coming back to bite her, courtesy of Kraid.

“I-”

Vell and Leanne took advantage of the fact that Joan had her back to them to vigorously shake their heads no. Lying in the first place had been a questionable idea, this was the time to cut losses and run, not dig the hole deeper.

“I mean it when I say it’s complicated,” Lee said. “There’s a good reason I wasn’t entirely truthful, and there’s a good reason I had a good reason, and- I know this doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, no, it makes sense,” Joan said. “It’s fine. There’s things I wouldn’t trust me with either.”

“It’s not about you-”

To avoid digging the hole any deeper, Leanne put a hand over Lee’s mouth and physically picked her up to remove her from the conversation. Muffled cries of protest soon faded away as Leanne hauled Lee out of their and Vell covered for the exit.

“Sorry, it really has nothing to do with you,” Vell insisted. “We don’t tell anyone, and, uh, I’m going to prove that by continuing to not tell you. Bye!”

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

His hasty words worked to sooth Joan, though not in any way Vell had intended. She was just too confused to have hurt feelings. She was still at a loss for words when Vell sprinted off to catch up with Leanne and a very offended looking Lee.

“Was dragging me around like a child really necessary?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Leanne said. “Picking people up and physically dragging them away from problems works great. Most people are just too weak to do it spur of the moment.”

“This isn’t even the first time this has happened to you,” Vell reminded her.

“Yes, and I don’t appreciate it any more on the second go,” Lee said. She adjusted her shirt and then straightened her posture to huff more defiantly. “Don’t do that again.”

“Yeah, sure,” Leanne promised. She only had a few days on the island anyway, she’d be able to keep that promise pretty easily. “But we do need to talk about what we’re doing here.”

They’d been caught in a lie thanks to Kraid, and needed some way to dig themselves out of a hole. Vell was in favor of the obvious choice: stop digging.

“I think we just need to call in Harley to say ‘don’t even worry about it’ and move on,” Vell said. “Nothing good’s coming from this.”

“Not sure that’s going to cut it this time, bud,” Leanne said.

“I have to agree. It’s not a matter of what Joan knows or doesn’t know,” Lee said. “I told her that lie in a vulnerable moment for her. If she thinks I’d lie to her at a time like that...I don’t know if she’ll ever trust me the same way again.”

Which was, no doubt, exactly what Kraid had intended. For him, sowing division was a reward in and of itself, though Lee had no doubt there were other, more insidious motivations as well.

“Our best cover story just got burned, and, uh, I don’t know if we’ve got it in us to make up another one,” Vell said. “We need to cut our losses somehow.”

“On the other hand-”

“Lee.”

“What if we just told Joan the truth?”

Leanne took a deep breath, turned it into a sigh, and put a hand on Lee’s shoulder.

“Lee, that’s the worst idea you’ve ever had,” Leanne said. “And that’s coming from the gal you told to eat a bomb.”

“A bomb made mostly of custard, it could’ve worked,” Lee said. She got defensive about her ideas, past and present. “I don’t mean right at this moment. We can use the time loops, tell her tomorrow morning, before things repeat, then see how she reacts and use that going forward.”

“Still a profoundly bad idea,” Vell said. “Don’t you remember what happened with Freddy last year?”

Thanks to the same renegade looper that had eventually revealed their secrets to Kraid, Freddy Frizzle had gotten a glimpse of the truth last year, and the consequences had very nearly been apocalyptic.

“Normal Freddy wouldn’t hurt a fly. Time loop crazy Freddy very nearly melted the universe,” Vell said. “I respect Joan’s improvements over the years, but, you know, I have to stress that she very provably would hurt a fly.”

“And a Vell,” Leanne mumbled.

“Is that necessary?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Leanne said. “Look, I get you guys say that Joan’s had this whole redemption arc or whatever, and I trust you, but last time I saw Joan she was still just the girl that murdered my best friend. I think we need to keep that aspect of her in mind while contemplating driving her crazier.”

Knowing about the time loops would drive any non-looper insane, and in Joan’s case, that slide into insanity came with a very real risk of reverting into a clear and present danger to Vell and others.

“She’s got a point,” Vell said. He hadn’t actually considered the risks to himself specifically. “I think this is a bad idea.”

“She knows about everything else,” Lee protested. “Quenay, the rune, the Butterfly Guy...If she can handle knowing Vell’s a temporal bottleneck overseen by a cosmic butterfly god, maybe she can handle this?”

“I don’t think so,” Vell said. The only person “immune” to the time loop insanity appeared to be Kraid, and only because he was already such a bastard he had no room to decline further. Joan had plenty of room to fall. “I think we just need to drop it, Lee.”

“But...I trust her. Completely,” Lee said. “And I want her to trust me. I don’t want to just leave this to fester.”

“Maybe you can just trust that she’ll trust you,” Vell said. One look told him Lee didn’t agree. “We’re talking to a brick wall, aren’t we?”

“Even if it doesn’t end well, I have to know,” Lee said. “If only for my own peace of mind. If it is necessary to lie to her, I want to do it with a clean conscience.”

“It’ll only be clean after we clean up the mess,” Leanne sighed. “But fine. Tell her first thing tomorrow morning, and I’ll stick around Vell so that if she tries anything I can punch her head off.”

“Can we amend that to a light bonk to knock her unconsciousness?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

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Lee hadn’t prepared tea in a while, but she felt that it would be a nice, calming beverage for what would undoubtedly not be a calm conversation. Though Lee had faith in Joan’s ability to restrain any violent impulses, the existence of a time loop called for some extreme reactions. The tea also helped calm Lee’s own nerves, though her heart was still pounding when Joan knocked on the door.

“Morning Lee,” Joan mumbled. She was still exhausted by jet lag. “Really made yourself at home on the couch, huh?”

Lee had moved whatever decorations she cared to keep from her dorm into Harley’s, putting a touch of her own flair into Harley’s machine-dominated room. Joan admired one of the paintings Lee had put up before taking a seat in front of the tea.

“So, this about the whole ‘seeing the future’ scenario thingy?”

“That was what I wanted to talk about, yes.”

“Save it,” Joan said. “There’s a lot going on in your life. I don’t need to know every detail of it.”

“Well I want you to know,” Lee said. “You’re part of my life, and I want you to understand what’s going on and why.”

Joan didn’t bother trying to dissuade her. Though she was genuinely willing to let the matter lie, Joan was still very curious as to what they were hiding -and still just a little bit hurt that Lee had lied to her.

“If you want to talk, I’m listening,” Joan said.

“Well then. Before we begin,” Lee said. “The secret I’m about to tell you will almost certainly drive you temporarily insane.”

“I feel like you’re overselling it,” Joan said. “With everything I’ve been through?”

“I cannot emphasize enough that I am not exaggerating,” Lee said. “You will go insane. This is a warning, and your chance to back out now, if you want.”

After scouring Lee’s face and voice for any signs she was joking, Joan came up empty handed. Lee was being entirely serious. Joan pondered the apparently real prospect of going insane, and found it only made her more curious.

“So...temporarily, you say?”

“You will recover, but only under circumstances that’ll make more sense after I explain it,” Lee said. “Sorry. It’s a bit backwards.”

“Well, I’ll be crazy and then I’ll get better,” Joan said. “Sounds like my life already. Lay it on me, Lee.”

“I should specify that when I say insane, I mean violently. You may become a danger to yourself and others.”

“And again, sounds like my life,” Joan said. “You’re only making me more curious, Lee. Now I have to hear it.”

“Then remember that I told you so, dear.”

Lee took a deep breath and folded her hands. She’d never actually given this speech to anyone who wasn’t already a looper. Considering one of the big three rules she’d emphasized in every introductory speech was “keep the time loops a secret” she couldn’t help but feel a little hypocritical. She choked that feeling down and focused on the truth.

“The truth is, Joan...this school is caught in a time loop,” Lee said. “Every day that classes are in session, something disastrous happens, and every day, time loops back on itself to the morning of the disaster.”

Doubt and confusion started to rise on Joan’s face, until they were slowly overtaken by a dawning comprehension.

“Myself, and some other seemingly randomly chosen students—Vell, Harley, and Leanne, back in the year you attended—somehow retain our memories of what happened the first time around,” Lee continued. “We use that knowledge to try and prevent the disasters that happened on the first loop.”

Joan’s eyes darted back and forth as she put the pieces together. The gradual revelation injected a look of abject horror to her features.

“Then I- that wasn’t just some vision you had, some thing I could’ve ‘maybe’ done,” Joan stammered. “I actually did it. I actually killed Vell.”

“Well, from several different ontological perspectives, no,” Lee said quickly. “A hypothetical alternative version of you did, and that version no longer exists! The ‘you’ you currently are never did anything of the sort.”

“But I could have. I would have,” Joan said. She already sounded a little manic, and grabbed at her head in confusion. “Would I have? You guys stopped me, right, but what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped me?”

“Something,” Lee squeaked. She had been deliberately avoiding this exact topic.

“Lee. What would have happened?”

“Uh, generally speaking, with a few rare but not impossible exceptions, if we don’t actively try to change the course of events...they tend to repeat exactly as before.”

“So I would’ve done it,” Joan said. “I would’ve been a murderer. I am a murderer? Am I? I did it, but I didn’t, but I would’ve, and I- I…”

Joan trailed off, and the creeping madness on her expression cracked into one of complete, placid tranquility.

“Joan?”

Without a word, she wandered over to the window and cracked it open, then took a deep breath.

“Right, take a deep breath, get some fresh air and -stop that!”

Joan was already halfway out the window when Lee caught her by the waist and dragged her back inside. Lee slammed the window shut, latched it, and then blasted it with magic to weld the lock shut.

“Joan, what are you- put down the knife!”

In a matter of seconds, Joan had wandered into the kitchen and found the knives, and had one pointed at her own throat. Lee snapped her fingers and magically whipped the knife out of Joan’s hands right as the stabbing motion started. With a shrug and a dead-eyed stare, Joan cracked the oven open and shoved her head in for half a second before Lee dragged her out by the collar and set her upright.

“What is the matter with you?”

“Everything,” Joan said. “I’m a monster and I don’t deserve to be alive.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Lee mumbled. Apparently the psychosis had manifested as suicidal tendencies for Joan. “Nothing actually happened, and the nothing that happened was two years ago. You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be fine when I’m dead,” Joan moped. She tried to sulk off towards another sharp object, but Lee held her firmly in place and dragged her to the couch, away from the kitchen’s sharp implements.

“I suppose this isn’t the worst -stop trying to make the blanket into a noose! It won’t even work!”

Lee yanked a few sheets out of Joan’s hands and tucked them firmly under the couch, then snatched a decorative ornament out of Joan’s hands before she could put it in her mouth and choke on it. She started to wonder if she knew any spells for toddler-proofing an apartment.

“Would you please just sit still for two seconds?”

In response, Joan picked up a vase, and Lee caught it and pulled it away before Joan could smash her head into it.

“This is all pointless,” Lee said. “Within a few hours you won’t even remember this, we’re still in the first part of that time loop I mentioned.”

Someone outside started screaming, and Lee sighed and put the vase down.

“Case in point. I have to go prevent the end of the world now, can I trust you to keep yourself safe?”

“You can’t trust me with anything,” Joan said.

“Fantastic. Thank you for the honesty, at least,” Lee said. She conjured up a magic bubble and locked Joan inside of it, setting the sphere to hover behind her as she left the dorm. “And stop trying to hold your breath until you suffocate, natural reflex won’t let you.”

A few seconds later, Joan gasped for air, and Lee rolled her eyes.