Chapter Seventy-Five: "Story Time!"
"HAND ME THAT STEAK KNIFE." I whisper to Maya who is situated beside me, Lance on her right and Landon on my left.
"Don't!" Lance hisses. "I don't want to be a witness, it takes up too much time and I have midterms coming up!"
"Hand me the knife." I repeat.
"Why am I handing you the knife anyways?" she questions, knife in hand but not in mine-where it should be.
"Landon!" I screech, pouting as yet another one of my pieces of steak is removed from my plate and into Mr. Blue Eyes's possession.
"What?" he asks innocently, popping it into his mouth.
"Stop taking my food!" I whine, hitting him in the chest then pinching him.
"Ouch," he pouts rubbing his nipple, "at least save it for the hotel room, jeez."
"Ohh," Maya trails, finally catching on. "I agree with you, Brookie, stealing a woman's food is a strict no-no." She smiles then reaches over to hand me the knife. "Here you go."
"Nope!" Lance exclaims, reaching over and snatching the steak knife out of his girlfriend's hands. "I can't afford it."
I frown. "Switch me seats, then."
"Nope, I can't afford that, either." He grins.
"Lance." I whine.
"Sorry," Landon mutters apologetically, but I know he is in no way sorry. "Here."
He, being the ever so nice and asshole-like boyfriend hands me several tiny pieces of his steak and eggs, the same meal I got. "Thank you!" I say in glee.
"So, when is your first game?" Lance asks, dipping his toast into his egg yolk.
"Tomorrow night," I answer. "Can you make it?" Lance has an online lecture tomorrow, one for making up the classes he'll have to miss for coming here.
"Yeah," he replies. "My lecture isn't until three, and your game isn't until eight, right?"
"Right." I confirm. "If we win that game, we have an early morning game the next day."
"Which I should be able to go to," he says. "Worst case I'll just catch up throughout the night or on your practice days."
"So how was your guys's night?" I ask casually, shoving my egg onto my fork only for it to fall off.
"Pretty good," Maya smirks. "Watched some movies, ordered room service. Showered." she grins cheekily. "How was yours?"
I shouldn't have asked. "Same, minus the shower."
"Do anything exciting?" She winks.
"Everything she and I do is exciting," Landon states. "But I know what you're getting at, baby, and my lips are sealed."
"Was afraid you'd say that," Maya pouts. "Sometimes I miss Single Landon; he had pretty funny hookup stories."
I feel Landon tense up beside me, but a reassuring squeeze of his thigh by me and he's eased up. I know he still isn't very fond of discussing his past, which I have no problem with given the fact that mine was hard to explain as it was. It doesn't matter to me though; Landon will tell me when he's ready just like I was with him last night and I don't plan on pushing it with him.
"Really now?" I muse with raised eyebrows. "I figured we went by stereotypical awkward and weird if one ends up staying the night."
"Except if you're Landon McGibbon," Lance chuckles.
I don't even know why I said those words when I completely knew-and totally remembered-that Landon didn't stay the night or even sleep with any girls whether her shagged them or not.
"Never mind." I quickly say. I guess it makes sense on the funniness of it all considering he never had that awkwardness that followed. Of course, neither have I, but I figured that if it was anything like returning to the house after our fight and being housemates that it certainly was not something I was looking forward to if things didn't work out between us.
"It's in my past," Landon mutters, unimpressed. Lately the boys and his close knit group of friends have been teasing him about his past with women, and he's been growing agitated by it. I'm not bothered by it, just like I know he's not bothered by my past because that's exactly what it is: a past.
I guess Landon is starting to get fed up with everyone bothering him about it, especially when they tend to do it directly in front of me, as if it'll have an effect that they think will set me off. Sure I don't know a lot about his past, just what I've been told and what I've picked up on, but I know enough that it won't make me run away.
If he didn't want to be with me after the whole Taylor thing a few months ago, then he would've said so. Besides, I think Landon's past hookups aren't as bad as what I did after he dumped me the first time.
"If you guys are planning on getting under my skin, it isn't working," I say. "His past doesn't bother me, just like mine doesn't bother him." Though it certainly did at one point, but they don't need to know that.
"We're not," Lance throws his hands up. "We're just teasing."
"Well stop." Landon says.
He wasn't all too happy that the morning got ruined. He was enjoying staying in bed naked and didn't like the fact that I had to be rushed out of the room so quickly. I don't think that really bothered him as much if we had slept together before, but having it be our first night together, I think it really pissed him off.
I can't really blame him, either; we had been up most of the night and I was exhausted. I still am.
And he's also been a little out of it since the plane ride here.
"Why are you so glum and whiny today?" Maya questions. "You both seem pretty irritated."
"I'm fine," I sigh. "I'm just... tired. I've been having a bad enough start to the day and would really just like to go back to bed and sleep."
Maya nods silently and directs her eyes to Landon. "What's your deal?"
"Maya, stop." Lance warns her in a deep voice. "Don't bother him, you know how he is when he is in this state."
I am slightly quizzical with Lance'd horrible confession of a whisper and turn to my man.
Landon is not happy at all. Actually, he looks like he's about to burst soon. He blinks. "My deal?" he scoffs. "My deal is that you all keep bugging the living hell out of me lately about my past directly in front of my girlfriend all the time and it's pissing me off how none of you are listening to me! Not to mention you can't just fuck off and leave me in the present, can't you?"
I get taken aback about Landon's outburst and instinctively grab his hand. "He's really tired," I say to our friends, feeling obligated to give them an explanation but know it doesn't matter. I get worried and... pitiful? stares in return and turn to Landon. "Are you alright?" I murmur softly.
"I..." he sighs, "I can't do this right now."
And just like that, Landon's hand is yanked out from mine and he's storming out of the restaurant.
"Wait!" I start, but it's already too late.
He's gone.
My eyes are wide, teary, and worried when I start to stutter out. "W-what was that about?... guys, answer me!" They all seem to know what is going on, given that both Maya and Lance have pitiful and guilty expressions on their faces. Well, more like Maya is guilt and Lance is agitated.
It takes a full minute for someone to finally reply. "You should go after him," Maya says softly, then sighing heavily buries her face in her hands.
I frown, but nonetheless stand and rush out to follow my boyfriend. When I get outside, the breeze is a little chilly but I don't feel too cold. I glance around in both directions looking for him, and when I see a tall frame go behind an alley, I stalk toward it. Sure it may or may not be him, but I'm hoping it is.
"Landon?" I whisper. The figure is leaning their head against the red brick, heaving exhaustion, and I instantly feel upset. "Lan..." I never use the nickname he hates unless I'm being serious. When the figure hears it, he immediately tenses and slowly turns to me.
Oh God, he's crying.
The visual breaks my heart.
"Oh Landon," I sigh and walk up to him, pulling his shaking body into me. We stand for a while; his sobs are only getting heavier the longer we stand. I remain silent, letting him let it all out. I've never seen Landon cry and it's definitely not a sight I ever want to see again. The poor guy is upset over something and of what I don't know, but clearly it's deep because usually he's really well with handling emotions.
"Brooklyn," he croaks out, squeezing my neck tighter.
"Shh," I whisper into his chest, "you don't have to say anything."
"Yes I do," he blubbers, "I love you so much,"
"Stop it." I say. "We don't have to talk about this right now. You don't need to explain yourself, okay? You can just get it out of your system and we can move on from this if that's what you want. But I don't want you to feel obligated to tell me what's on your mind if the wounds are still fresh."
"No," he shakes his head, clearly at a disagreement with me. "No, I need to. I mean it, it's not because I want to. I've wanted to for a while but I just couldn't say it. I couldn't find the words to say it," he whispers.
"Okay, okay," I whisper back. "But we don't have to do this now, alright? Not when we have our friends back at the diner and definitely not in a deserted alley."
Landon silently agrees and squeezes my waist, starting to cry again. "I'm sorry for being so weak."
"You're not weak." I immediately protest. "You're a strong man, Landon and crying doesn't make you any weaker."
"I feel so stupid," he snorts while I can feel him use his hand to wipe his eyes, "I literally shouldn't be out here like this. It's been years, I should be over this. Why am I not over this?"
I have no idea what Landon is talking about but to me that's the reason he's out here: something happened that affected him this much and whatever it is, it surely isn't helping him. He's been bottling his emotions up for so long that they're bound to break free at some point.
"I don't know," I answer him honestly. "I ask myself the same thing."
"How did you do it?" he whispers, pulling away from me to look me in the eyes. God, his orbs are so raw and glossy, it nearly makes me cringe that a sweet boy like Landon could be so hurt and hide it so well. "How did you cope with the fact that there was a good chance neither of your parents would survive the crash?"
I inhale deeply, not even knowing how to answer that. How do I answer that? I don't even have an answer! If anything, I didn't cope at all because I was so worried about paying for the much-needed surgeries that my feelings weren't taken into consideration by myself at all. I immediately went from crying for a few hours to dealing drugs and breaking into buildings then off to jail that I didn't even have time to cry. I didn't have time to think, no time to act, no time to feel. The tough girl exterior followed me straight from the hospital to the McGibbon residence. It was only here that I started to return to normal because I had no problems to deal with first-hand anymore.
Well... not in a while, at least.
"My parents..." I trail, struggling to form a sentence. The thought is in my head, what I want to say is on the tip of my tongue but I'm struggling real bad to put it all into words. "I... I don't know. I didn't have time to grieve, even when I knew they would live. I maybe cried for a day when I first got the call about the accident but I felt numb afterwards. Angry, almost. Maybe hate. I didn't know what to think and I guess I didn't want to otherwise I don't think I would have done the things I did. Maybe I would have been more conscious in making decisions but I didn't care. I felt nothing."
"You didn't..."
"No." I answer. "I didn't escape. I didn't have one, and maybe that was my problem." I give him a sad smile. "Do you have an escape?"
He chuckles softly and sniffles. "I didn't before. But now I have you."
"You're a great guy." I tell him. "Whatever has you acting this way... just know that there are more ways to deal with it. There are people who can help you; who can support you. Even a little bit is better than nothing, and take my word for it."
"I will," he nods. "And I promise, I'll tell you. I'll tell you as soon as I can."
"Don't rush yourself." I say with a shake to the head. "Rushing into things is probably the worst thing ever done. Don't force yourself into it."
"I won't." he nods.
"Great," I grin. "Now, let's head back and temporarily forget that this happened, alright?"
"Right."
***
"So what was his problem?" Maya asks once we enter the girl's guest change room for our first game of the tournament. The room is empty, as we arrived early so we could warm up.
After Landon and I left the alley, conversation almost completely returned to normal and I was grateful for it. Landon surely didn't need the nagging of his friend and brother and I certainly wasn't ready for another sob episode or having to pick sides. I know they're curious and I'm pretty sure both Maya and Lance knew what triggered Landon's outburst but I think they were too scared to call him out on it. Or it might have been the fact that I am still left in the dark about it. We spent the rest of the morning just talking and acting like the past 20 minutes hadn't happened and everything went on fine. We went back to the hotel, I did some more volleyball practice, and that led us into the evening where Maya and I chose to stay the night with the rest of the girls.
And yes, that does mean that I needed to explain my previous night with my boyfriend to them. Needless to say, I am pretty sure I blew out my left eardrum.
"I have no idea." I reply honestly. And I really don't; the rest of that day was spent doing warm-ups so I barely saw Landon for the rest of the night.
"Is he okay?" she asks, remorse dripping in her voice.
"Yeah, I think he's okay. It was just an in-the-moment thing, I think. He was better afterwards if you ask me."
"I shouldn't have said anything," she sighs. "I guess I keep forgetting how sensitive he is. I forget a lot about it, to be honest. I should have thought before I spoke."
"It's not your fault, Maya. It was just a trigger. I get them all the time."
She blinks at me as I drop my bag onto the bench. "So he told you?"
"No, I haven't really seen him, as you can tell. But I know it's something personal. He said he'll tell me as soon as he can, but I'm in no hurry to find out. I know how it feels to keep a secret so deep hidden for so long."
"Have you spoken to Taylor since leaving?" she asks curiously, pulling out her shoes, water bottle, and knee pads and dropping them loudly onto the bench.
I purse my lips and shake my head. "No. But he's made no effort to contact me, either." I start undressing into my uniform and turn to her. "Is it weird that I don't think about him anymore? I mean, he used to be all I thought about and now it's like I never even knew him. Actually, it's gotten to the point that when I remember some things, I need to take a few seconds to remember his name. For two years he was all I thought about and now it's like... it's like he never even existed."
Maya stills and thinks about it for a second before continuing taking off her shoes. "No, no I don't think so. He was unfinished business to you and now it's over. Closure. I think that since you had the baggage of him, and now that you don't, there's no reason for you to think about him anymore."
"I... I don't even think of him when I think of sex. Is that bad?"
"What do you mean?"
"My first time... I don' t think of him. I think of Landon."
"Maybe that's how you see it," she shrugs, slipping her top over her head. "He was your first sober time, right?"
"Yes."
"Then maybe that's how your mind wants to see it. That was the first time you were actually you."
"Maybe," I hum. "I still find it weird, though. I have this feeling, deep in my belly, that something is off. And not just in general, with Taylor. Like... there's something we should have gone over about and we didn't and now it's just a cloud over my head thinking, contemplating over whether or not it should rain or shine."
"You confuse me." she laughs. "I know like, bits and pieces of you but you are probably the most confusing person I've ever met."
"Thank you." I laugh.
Maya rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Just get ready and stop making me question my judgement about you otherwise we both will need to get checked out. And I would much rather not have to spend the rest of my days in a cell with you."
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Well, that's not how I wanted an ending of a chapter to go but I wanted to publish a chapter so here you go! I've had a rough past couple months with exams and personal issues so that kinda put a damper on my writing mood, but I'm back now and ready to write my heart out!
What do you guys think is Landon's dirty little (or big) secret? I'd love to hear thoughts!
Also, just a huge shoutout to all of you guys because I have over 53,000 views and it's all thanks to every single one of you. You guys are such great fans and I love it! Keep up the great work guys, you really truly are my inspiration!
Until next time!
Kisses,
Ellaina â¤