AVA
I woke up panting with beads of sweat all over my forehead.
"Ava, honey, are you okay?" Mom rushed over beside me. It was then I recognised the setting of the space. I was on my back laying on a hospital bed, having faces I recognise very well before me, because they're my family, except for Dr Gregg, a surgeon and also mom's co-worker at the general medical hospital, among the multiple hospitals listed under mom's consultancy job privilege.
"Ava?" Mom called again, disconnecting me from my recognition trip. I looked over at her; she was smooching my face and pushing aside the hair matted around my forehead.
"Mom? What happened?"
"You will be fine, is just-I am so sorry." She choked. Her tears were dripping to the skin of my cheeks.
She looked at me and shook her head; her stare was depressing.
"Is this about me? Was it what I said? Ava, I take it back, okay? I will do whatever you want, but you have to be fine."
Christian came behind her, squeezing her shoulders, but my eyes were on my two step-siblings by the foot of the bed.
Each had an unvarying melancholy feature, watching me quietly with remorse in their equal green eyes. They had parallel chestnut hair; you'd say they were twins.
"I think she needs to rest." The doctor decided, perhaps he had noticed the oddness.
But mom wasn't ready to let go; she held my hand firmer and dictated through gritted teeth, "I will talk to my daughter."
"Susan, her blood pressure went high. I am sure you know better than anyone here; she needs the rest." Said Dr Gregg, as soft as his voice could get.
Mom breathed out shakily and smoothened my hair back with trembling hands before she kissed my forehead and let Christian pull her into his side.
"I can stay with her." Lilith offered, hopefully.
But that is not happening in this world at this point.
So involuntary, my mouth retorted, "There is no need; you've done enough."
My declination struck her off guard. She swallowed, nodded once, and blinked as though she was closed to dazed as I was at the moment.
"We will be out there, okay? You will be fine." Christian convinced me, offering a sympathetic smile as he led the rest out of the room.
LEIGH
Susan and dad were by the far end of the hall, speaking with two doctors, both of which were Susan's acquaintances.
Lilith and I were pacing back and forth by the door that shielded Ava from me.
I've been meaning to ask my sister what exactly led to what had happened back at home, but she was rather disquieted and tired; I didn't have it in me to enhance more burden on her, with everything she had been through in the past week.
When dad and Susan came back with grim expressions, dad patted my shoulder and beseeched me to drive back home and get Ava some pairs of clothes.
"Set the security lock on your way out, would you?" He added when I was about the take a turn for the corner.
"Okay."
"Thank you." He nodded with sincere appreciation dripping in those two words.
Pensive, I had tapped the wall before I walked away.
The drive through the freeway felt appeasing to the pressure I had on the past hour, until now I was able to breathe, with the windows rolled down and wind blowing into the space.
Coming home to another series of events hadn't been on my agenda today. For the past few days, it had already been tough for us. I couldn't even get an opening to speak to Ava for a full minute without being intruded on.
Not that it was even going to make any difference, given Ava hadn't even been herself lately.
But I owe it to her to be there in any situation, particularly the time when she was barely holding up.
At home in her room, I linger in there, breath in the dresses hanging in her wardrobe, and smile at every memory of her in my head.
Through the most calming fifteen minutes of my week, I found some of the things Ava might need and packed up some pairs of outfits as dad had demanded.
On my way out of the house, my hands were occupied with a tea flask I assumed she missed, her summer readings books, and a rich rose flower I plucked from the living room vase.
"What part of I need rest do you people not understand." Ava groaned when the door opened. As I struggled to carry all her belongings safely in my occupied arms, I had to kick the door close and heave a sigh.
"Does it applies to me?" I asked and dumped everything onto the armchair, except for the tea flask in one hand and a classic book in the other, oh, and of course, the red rose in the back of my pocket.
Through my first word, she had swerved and titled over with a full smile all over her face.
"Leigh. No. Not you." She grinned and lifted her torso a little up to lean against what looked like an uncomfortable headboard.
She was smiling; I guess it was why my lips were pulled back into a smile, too, as I raised the hand with the book and asked, "Is your summer reading even necessary? You've seen the movie and read the book countless times; you've already memorized the lines."
I've seen and heard her tell most of it with her eyes closed and breathing even.
She didn't object, though. She adjusted on the bed and jerked her head to the chair next to her, and politely asked, "Can you read it for me?"
I missed those days.
"Sure."
I walked over to the bed and delivered the tea that struck out a squeak and a reaction worthy of recording when she took a sip.
She bit her lips and hummed so sweet that ushered crazy thoughts in my head; one among them was having a tea brand for her someday.
"Does tea have recipes, or are you just too sweet it tastes in everything you touch?"
"I'm fortunate to please you, I see." I leaned in and kissed her briefly, more like brushing our lips even when I wanted more, and she was almost pursuing my lips. She leaned over and frowned when I pulled away and ran my hands along the softness of her olive skin, smooth face that had a youthful glow and radiance that was almost unreal.
She smiled while I observed her face too awkwardly until I added, "Is the luck enough to earn me a certificate to amble over to you around the English men with great tea and book shops of their own?"
I smirked, and she laughed adorably. The sound was literally music to my ears, and she said,
"Oh, you've charmed me. Entire England would be jealous of you."
Smiling, I leaned over and kissed her lips, this time deeply but gentle, and when we pulled away, I had the rose sprung up between us.
Her beaming smile was all over her face as she took it in her hand.
"You know I feel better right now?" She said with her head down.
"Uhm-Mmm." It was supposed to be a question, and she understood.
She responded equally the same and looked up to me with bright eyes sparkling with emotions inside.
"Thank you." She whispered while I focused on that earnestness in the beauty of her eyes.
"I confess," said he, "that I should not have been at all surprised by her ladyship's asking us on Sunday to drink tea and spend the evening at Rosings. I rather expected, from my knowledge of her affability, that it would happen. But who could have foreseen such an attention as this? Who could have imagined that we should receive an invitation to dine there, an invitation, moreover, including the whole party, so immediately after your arrival!"
While balanced onto the armchair beside Ava's hospital bed, I continued to read through chapters of pride and prejudice as she concentratedly drank from her tea, with unwavering eyes anchored on me.
She would throw in witty remarks about the characters through serious dialogues that she would laugh so hard at her own joke, not knowing my cessation to blink or breath wasn't from her confusing humor. No, every move of hers was mesmerizing. I couldn't stop thinking of how I would survive the upcoming weeks after this holiday was over.
"You know I really want to leave this place?" She suddenly said after inhaling the rose flower she had asked for more, should anytime I come across them.
"You've always wanted out," I told her, and she spilled out something that struck every gratification I had of where I saw as home.
"Lilith loves me." She said.
Even for her, the words tasted different in her tongue. She had to pause and observe me while I was beginning to hyperventilate from the seat I was sitting on.
It might not be April, but she must be telling jokes to my ears because my hearing was rejecting to take in the first-word weapon it ever heard.
"On my birthday, I left after she told me, and she kissed me." Ava timidly kept impaling me with solid words that wouldn't hold me after she was done. "I am sorry, Leigh." And just like that, all her smiles from a minute ago vanished, now her face was cherry red, she had a vein halving her sweaty forehead. "I should've told you, but I felt it wasn't my story to tell. She hadn't come out, and I didn't want to sell her out, but it is constantly ruining me."
"Lilith?" It was all I could say through hanging lips and contorted expression so deep I felt the stress in my brain.
"I should have told you. I am sorry." She repeatedly said while my head kept taking in and rejecting every aspect of the odds Ava was telling me was true.
"She is dating. Is it Clarke his name?" My voice was pathetic when I scoffed.
I had seen her with boys, not like on the wrong deets category because God knows I could have been behind bars for murder, but what I mean is I've seen her plus ones at school dances and community occasions, and they had been all boys.
See, I am not biased even a little bit, and if Ava weren't telling me of a probability where my biological sister and I could possibly be having emotional feelings for a single person, I wouldn't care about my sister's choice of human preference because I love Lilith any way, but I was in a stage were my heart and head were working together, and all they were communicating was hatred and anger.
Fear was dancing and making rhythm with my furious heartbeat.
"I guess she was just passing the time and using them as a distraction."
I shook my head and rubbed my temples when I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. I was fidgeting in my seat-I never fidget to anything.
"Or maybe she just said that to mess with your head." I retorted, convincing myself it's not true.
Ava was quiet for a moment when she whispered, "I wish." At first and proceeded, "Fourth of July evening at school, I found her with her friends, and I was so mad at her because she had them cornered me, and-I've never felt so powerless." Her voice was cracking at the last part. It attracted my scrutiny over to her as I tried to put her words into pieces. She, however, swallowed and held on to her voice after clearing her throat. "I thought wrecking her car would provide some sort of relief and have her feel the pain she has forced on me, but then I find out it was Clarke who fooled us all." She exhaled a laugh. Her body shook the slightest while I stared at her from the corner of my eyes. "He drugged her instead, and she thought he was doing the right thing for her when he came for me."
"Leigh, I didn't use to know what remorse is, but lately, I have been living in them. And they chase me even when I try to sprint away. I don't like who I have become."
"She had been hurting you," I said quietly, as it was the truth.
"She didn't mean what happened at school, and honestly, it was the only trigger that had me perform the damage."
"Do you care for her?" I blurted and regretted the instant the question slipped out of my head from the tenths of hundreds swimming in my brain.
Ava's forehead wrinkled. I could see the sadness behind it.
"Of course, she is my sister, Leigh."
"Step." I instinctively corrected as we both know perfectly well that with her consent, my sister could also have her just as I had felt I could.
She frowned at my utterance and annoyingly grumbled, "I am aware of that, Leigh."
Her head turned from me, I couldn't read her emotions anymore, and the discomfort of curiosity came with a tingling ache.
"So-" I started and stopped, my voice croaky and pathetic. I didn't know what to say or expect; I had never felt so afraid in my life. "So now that-"
Even thinking of it was weird; I couldn't let myself taste it on my tongue, and for once, I appreciate having words held back in my throat.
I will take in the bitterness it was spurting inside of me rather than say it out loud and put life to it, so it would rise and haunt me for the rest of my life.
At this moment, everything was complicated, including grasping any activity in my body until I blinked and felt a liquid dropped against my chin.
Fuck!
She made me a mess.
I had my head down, chewing my lip. No matter how much I wanted to regulate my breathing, it was loud through my clogged throat, so the only pretense I could put on was a miserable smile on my wet face.
The bed shifted, it screeches a bit, and then I saw her first bare leg come down before the other followed. They were long and slim, freshly shaved. It reminded me of her fame and the huge amount of internet fanbase she has, all that she had practically forgotten about.
I was absorbed in the thought when she squatted before me and found my pathetic face hidden below from her.
As I smiled small and tried to look away, she stopped me with a tender touch around my face and cupped my jaws in her warm hands. Her thumbs subtly wiped away the moisture underneath my eyes.
All that had my eyes closed at the solace she effortlessly provided me.
"Leigh, you and I are going to get through this." Her voice was so soft and tender; it reminded me I could not lose her, for I needed her voice for my survival too.
"You don't know." I asserted immediately. I could feel her stare even when I wasn't watching her.
She stopped the movement of her fingers against my face and skimmed them through my hair.
Now I could breathe her scent even more, stronger. I automatically sighed as I felt her forehead touches mine and the tip of her nose brushing mine too.
I don't know how she did it, but I was breathing normally again.
"There is nothing that can come between you and me as long as you feel the same as I do." She whispered softly and breathed through her mouth. I knew that because my lips were slightly parted, we were sharing the same air.
Her powerful words threw my eyes open. Hers was free when mine met them. She stared into my gaze with a smile on her lip while her fingers twirled around the threads of my hair.
"Is that a promise?" I questioned. She nodded and whispered, "Yes."
"I am going to kill that son of a bitch, though." I started as I had earlier picked and shelved from her statements every part of what Clarke had caused to my family.
Her eyes grew large, but she couldn't reply as I began to smile when the door opened, jerking the wall that coats my scarred heart apart.
Both our eyes had fled to who was by the door.
We can't be seen like this. We can't be found in this proximity.
"Ava I brought-Leigh? I thought you left." Lilith started and turned her question over to me.
Her face was twisted in confusion, her eyes blinking more than it was healthy.
"He came back; he was just helping me with my summer reading." Ava retorted and stood up, sitting by the edge of the bed before me.
Lilith's eyes stood hesitant and shifting between us for what could be a full minute or half.
I should worry she might be having some impression in her head, but I was too busy eyeing her with the animosity that I shouldn't. But seeing her had me recalling each of Ava's statements from some minutes ago, and the voices in my head were now reminding me of her rules of every game.
"I see." I heard her say shakily. She gulped, staring at Ava with pleadingly glossy eyes. "Uhm, I thought maybe you would want some biscuits. They're England-made. Found them at the cafeteria."
Studying her complexion, from where I was seated, I comprehended the way she watches the girl sitting on the bed and how her hands nervously sat the package of said biscuits on the desk; they all accumulated and confirmed the chances that Ava's words were really true.
Not that I didn't believe, but a little part of me had been hoping we were both wrong.
"Thank you." It was Ava who spoke, and everything began to gather pressure all over me.
My hands balled into fists, my shoulders tensed, my jaw twitched, and my heart started drumming behind its cage.
"Mm-how are-" Lilith had started, but impulsively I decided, "You should go; whatever you've done is enough. Just let her be before you give her stroke."
What I had said and how I confronted it had shocked me after my sister's gasp.
Her face fell while mine only kept hardening; I hate that I can't control the resentment I feel towards her.
She blew out a breath through the mouth and mumbled something that sounded like "I would be outside." for her voice was breaking.
My eyes stayed on the door even after she left and closed it.
"Why did you do that?" "Leigh?"
I turned and looked up at Ava as she was still in her position, sitting right there before me.
"I don't know, okay?" I exhaled and rubbed my hand around my face. "I am just fucking confused."
"So is me." She quietly said and pulled my head over her laps, caressing my hair with her fingers. "But I won't contemplate on you leaving me. If anything, you've always been the one hope that keeps me awake." She confessed while I was becoming occupied entirely by her.
"What if at the end of all this, I don't get to have you?"
What if Lilith-you know?
"That's not going to happen." Her voice was soft, just as her tender touch through my hair.
I pulled back up and shook my head at the girl with welled-up eyes.
"How do you know?"
"Because there is no one for us."
She was sad, but she was trying to make me feel better.
I opened my arms and motioned for her to sit on my laps, and she did. She pulled my head to her chest into a hug and exhaled a shaky breath.
"I am sorry, Ava. I am sorry for being a dick sometimes."
"Shhh." She whispered in my hair, and we just sat there quietly.