Chapter 26: Chapter 25

You collect Scars

Because you want proof

that you are paying

for whatever sins you

have committed

My eyes open before the sun has risen. The habits of my sleep wouldn’t leave- even if my body still protested in silent waves of diluted pain.

I had enough experience to know that the aftershocks would linger for the rest of the day. I could deal with them though.

“Hello.”

I turn to find Orion staring down at me. He sat in the chair that dad had been occupying. Now within the room, it was just me and him.

“Hey.”

His eyes glance over me, inspecting my body before he positions himself to look back down at my face.

A sigh leaves him, one that has his shoulders rising and falling in relief.

I sit up, cautiously moving my feet to the side. No pain was set off- it was all the encouragement I needed to stand.

“Let’s go.”

Without question, Orion stands. I watch him, waiting for the inevitable outcome of skin changing to fur. He doesn’t shift though and instead draws closer to me.

Silence hangs suspended around us as we exit the house. The morning still could be mistaken for night. The air was clean, the stars still out while the world around slept in shadows.

Not everyone though.

I see a single person in the distance upon the edge of the porch that looked out across the lake. Coming closer, I sigh when I realize it’s mom.

She sits upon one of the chairs, working by flashlight with a single paper and pencil to occupy her. She does not even register the two bodies that approach.

“Mom.” I tried to whisper the word, but she still jumped, her eyes frantically whirling until they settled on me.

“Soraya,” like Orion, her eyes look me over before she is able to look at my face, “are you feeling better?”

“Ya.”

There is an awkward pause while mom tries to hide what she has been drawing. I ignore the wolf that looks similar to Orion, choosing instead to fake ignorance.

“Orion and I are going back to the pack house.”

“Oh,” she looks to the house where everyone is still asleep, “do you need the car...”

“We can run.”

Mom looks at her hands, her words giving away the difference that would always separate her from the others.

“You don’t want to say hello to Jay?”

I shake my head and feel my eyes wander to Orion. Dad’s words come back to me on Grandjay’s strange reaction to him. I would ask him about it later in private.

“I’ll tell dad you went back then...Soraya...”

The tone of her voice makes me stop to turn back around.

“I’m sorry that you felt that pain. I wish I could take it away from you.”

I step onto the porch feeling my chest tighten at how far away mom looked. She always seemed to have shadows under her eyes- looking now, it was hard to distinguish if it was from the dim lighting or the fact that she had been on this porch, drawing in her own world for too long.

I kiss her cheek, feeling her automatically turn her head to the side for her reminder of my love.

“It’s okay mom.”

She smiles. It was moments like these when I wish mom would smile more. But then guilt ate away that I was the reason for her stress. Someday I would give mom a reason to smile all the time- to smile with pride and not worry.

I quickly turn my back to the sight, walking into the forest. Orion had been quite the whole time, blending in with the dark.

I just want to quickly go back to the pack house.

My feet move faster. I feel Orion keep up with my increasing pace.

My hands reach for the hem of my shirt- I’m about to pull it off and shift when I’m stopped.

I turn around in surprise to find Orion looking down at me, his face unreadable.

“Orion?”

I feel it then. I had misread him. What I thought to be relief had actually been a growing tension. I see now how the fall of his shoulders still held an anxious layer of worry. Confusion was whispered into his face- just a small sign as worry gnawed inside him.

I knew he would have questions. I just had assumed that Orion would not ask.

I assumed wrong.

And now the tension built between us as the grip upon my hand grew tighter.

“Orion I know you-,”

“I have a game.”

I stop in surprise, my jaw unable to close from the shock of his words.

“A....what?”

He steps closer to me, his grey eyes more serious than I have ever seen them before.

“I have a game,” he whispers.

“Orion I don’t have time-,”

“You give me a truth, I’ll give you a lie.”

There is a deafening silence until it comes crashing down with my anger.

“Are you kidding me? What kind of me-,”

Orion steps closer, pushing against me. The collision of his body makes me stumble a few steps backward, catching me off guard. It’s so unexpected, that I don’t have time to register him doing it again, or even the fact that his desired destination has been reached.

The trunk of the tree presses against my back, while Orion’s body pushed from the front.

Words fail me in the moment, but not because of the anger that is edging its way into those grey eyes- or even from the fact that he has cornered me into a show of dominance for the first time.

I can’t speak because his body is pressed tightly against me- fitting into mine and leaving me wondering what I was going to say in the first place.

“Our game. Let’s play.”

I remember then what Orion’s previous words had been.

I scoff up at him, “Orion, that’s a stupid game. Why would I want a lie?”

He bends down, letting our faces be only inches apart.

A low growl builds within him. I shiver at the vibration that rolls from his body to mine. He was acting like a wolf, cornering his prey to get what he wanted. Trying to leave it to feel defenseless and weak.

In a way, it was working.

It was a rare display of intimidation, but he didn’t seem to realize that maybe I wanted to be cornered.

“Fine.”

From behind his beard, I see his lips rise in a triumphant smile.

I would humor him if only to keep him here a few minutes longer in this position.

I know what he wants me to say. It’s why he thought of this stupid game in the first place.

“So, I give you a truth, and you give me a lie?”

He nods, confirming my question.

I look away from him, feeling his stare dig into me. Steeling myself, I turn back to face him.

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“Your back,” the words came sharply out of his mouth.

“I...I didn’t lie to you.”

It’s not enough to satisfy him. Orion presses harder against me. I inhale sharply, curving my body against his edges. His face does not falter as he glares down in search of the truth.

Damn him. Did he even realize what he was doing to me?

“I told you the truth. I got it while training.”

“More.”

He barks the command out, his whole body trembling. I don’t know why- excitement that I’m finally revealing more of my past? Conflict on if he even wants to know?

“You remember that I have an older brother?”

He closes his eyes and nods.

I want him to open his eyes- if only so I can gauge his reaction to my next words.

“I was fifteen. Vincent had just shifted. He was young and untrained. He couldn’t control his wolf- I pushed him too far. I kept belittling him, attacking him, telling him I could be Alpha also and he...” I think back to that day. All the things I could have done differently. All the young and naïve thoughts that ran through my head while I goaded and goaded, unaware of the monster I was breeding.

“He snapped.”

Orion’s eyes open just as my whispered words come out.

“He did this to you?” I lean away from the strained sound in Orion’s voice. He sounded like he was barely holding his pain in. What pain though? This was my burden.

“Your turn.”

Orion stares at me in confusion as I remind him, “I gave you a truth. Now you give me a lie.”

His wild grey eyes continue to look down at me, conflict showing clearly in his gaze as he whispers, “I don’t miss the pack.”

I cringe from his words. I could see now the point of his game.

Sometimes a lie was easier to swallow than the truth.

“Okay,” my voice is soft as I swallow thickly against his confession.

“Your turn,” his hushed tone has us pulling in closer.

My turn. My turn to tell a lie.

“I hate my dad.”

Orion stares at me, no emotion flickering across his face.

“Your turn.”

His gaze flickers to my neck, “When you were...” his voice breaks as he quickly clears it, “when I woke up and you were in pain...I felt like...I couldn’t breathe,” his hand goes up to his throat, closing around it before pulling back.

His confession is not done yet though.

“I don’t know how to act when you touch me.”

I freeze, my breath catching inside my lungs as he slowly moves his hands down to capture my own. Our fingers intertwine. Cautiously he raises my arms, pulling them over my head. I don’t make any sudden movements, not knowing what to expect next from him.

He leans forward, his nose tracing the edge of my neck before falling down to my collarbone.

“What is this...feeling...”

“Desire,” I murmur, my voice thick with the word.

“Desire.” He repeats it, letting his lips now replace where his nose had been trailing.

By the Goddess, if he continued this he would know within a few moments what the word meant.

“But when you touch me, it feels like fire. Good fire. Warm. Nice.”

Warm and nice my ass. I didn’t want warm and nice. I wanted consuming. I wanted something that made this male confused. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that Orion was different. He surrounded himself with wolves, becoming and acting more like the animal than man at times. Now the two sides were conflicting with each other. He was admitting to feeling something, yet he was also admitting to the confusion that it brought.

“It’s the bond. The mate bond.”

“I know what a mate bond is,” he says, shaking his head, “my father explained that to me. I knew that when I saw you. But I never expected for it...”

He pulls back suddenly, letting me see just how torn his face is.

I wonder abruptly if Orion knew what to do.

Did he know how to act on these feelings?

Heat rushes into me, silent curses running through my mind at Camilla for not teaching her son how to be a man.

“Your turn.”

Gratefully I accept the shift in topics.

“What do you want to know?”

“Why do you want to be Alpha so badly?”

I still at his question. He asked it in the typical way that I was becoming used to from him. Blunt and without hesitation.

“That’s a confusing thing to explain...”

Orion continues to stare at me, complete openness on his face as he waits.

I take a shallow breath, searching for the right words.

“When I was small...it started as something that seemed like a dream. I don’t think I was serious when I was young. I don’t think anyone except for Vincent thought I was serious. But...but as I grew older I would watch Vincent and it just hit me one day...I could do so much better than him.”

Orion’s eyebrows twist in understanding. He doesn’t know enough about my older brother to comprehend my words- just the one cruel fact within his head that I’ve told him. That one fact made it seem like I was right. But that’s why it was so much more complex than that.

“He wasn’t always like that. He wasn’t always so cruel. Something happened to twist him. And I-,” my voice cracks. This was the true confession here. This was the true thought that always ate away inside me.

“I know I made him become this...this toxic thing because I couldn’t just stop...”

I look up at Orion, feeling tears of anger come into my eyes. They always came when I talked about something I cared too much about.

“You ask why I want to be Alpha so badly. I can’t give you a glorified reason. I can’t give you something that will make you admire me. I want to be Alpha because I just want it. I could say it’s to protect the pack from Vincent. That’s part of it. But another part of me desires this...I feel like I need this...It’s mine...”

I stop before I can confess anymore of my sins to Orion. He stays silent the whole time, not interrupting, not speaking.

Just watching.

He softly presses his forehead against mine, letting the two skins meet. I close my eyes from the sensation, consuming the few seconds I could with him before he pulls back.

“Do I frighten you?”

Orion steps away, looking at the distant forest that stretched back to the pack house.

“No.”

I smile at his word.

It wasn’t until we were halfway through the forest that I realized a sudden detail.

The game had not ended.

I had given Orion a truth.

And he had given me a lie.

For the rest of the day, I’m distracted.

So many thoughts run through my head, so many chaotic, mind-numbing and irritating questions.

And that one ringing truth that kept surfacing within my mind-

Orion wanted me.

I couldn’t shove it out or force it to go away. I had to reason with my own wisdom and consider that maybe his definition of want and mine were two very separate things.

I couldn’t focus. So much so, that I end up leaving the training grounds early.

Rhett does not mind, and I feel some relief from being out of sight, away from the others. It would take more time for the majority of them to accept my return.

“Where’s Orion?”

Sandra pauses in her cooking to lean her head to the side and think.

“Mmmmhh...he just went upstairs?”

True to her words, he’s there, curled up at the foot of the bed. The giant wolf takes up the majority of the bottom half.

Shame comes over me as I watch him. Did he stay in here all day? He didn’t go outside, run within the woods or even help Sandra. He just tucked himself away.

I left him alone in a strange place with nothing. He had given up everything and I...

I lean forward, softly stroking his head. The wolf stirs, one grey eye lazily opening before he closes it and sighs. Slowly he rolls over.

A soft laughter spills from my lips as I continue to touch his fur, feeling the texture and the roughness of it. He places his head within my lap- the size of it fitting wholly within. A peaceful silence ensures after that. It is nothing but me sitting on the bed with him, both our eyes closed as I continue to rhythmically stroke his head, scratch behind his ear, or let my hand glide down his back.

“My legs falling asleep.”

The wolf doesn’t move.

“Orion.” I poke his face, earing an ear twitch and nothing more.

“Orion. I can’t feel my legs anymore. You’re heavy.”

With a deep sigh, he rolls over. I roll my eyes at the grumble that leaves him and get up to take my shower. The water soothes me, letting me relax under the heat.

A short time later I’m walking out feeling refreshed in the clean clothing that was not stained with dirt.

“Orion are you-,” the towel I had been holding to dry my hair slips from my fingers as I take in the unexpected sight. Orion sat in my desk chair, his head back and eyes closed.

But that’s what surprised me.

It was Orion in skin.

“You...shifted?”

His pushes himself up, his neck leaning at an odd angle to take me in. His only response is a short shrug. I move closer to him, stopping a few feet away.

My thoughts slip back to the single threat they had been repeating over and over throughout the day.

“Oroin...” I move closer. He still is blissfully unaware of where my mind has wandered. Instead, he swivels the desk chair, smiling at the spinning motion. My hand shoots out to stop it, making him face me.

“Orion have you...”

His grey eyes look up at me, calm and patient as they wait for my next words.

“Oroin, have you ever been kissed?”

He freezes.

Orion was a silent male.

A male of few words, some would say.

I learned though, that he was only this way because he felt that actions spoke louder than any sentence or phrase could.

Because he knew, from his time with the wolves, that you could tell more from body language.

From the smallest of movement.

That sometimes words could betray but the actions of the body never did.

He still has not answered me. His eyes are wide, taking me in as my knees press against his. As my legs lift to curl around his waist. As my body slides to meet his.

“Should I teach you?” I whisper the words, learning in further to his frame as I press close.

I look at him.

Look at his body.

Tense shoulders.

Weary eyes.

Slack arms that hang uselessly to the side.

Anyone reading this would push away.

Look and know that he didn’t want this.

But his actions give him up as I take him in- all of him.

His hands that are slowly clenching and unclenching at his side.

Rising chest that is falling and breathing more rapidly than mine.

Eyes that dart to my lips, before quickly looking away.

He’s taught me well. He taught me the art of reading. Within the woods, with our time of fur instead of skin, while the wolves had taken over our senses.

His lessons all came back to me in this moment.

I take in the fine drop of sweat that forms upon the corner of his temple.

A smile filters on my face.

“Should I teach you how to kiss, Orion?”

He looks away, and my grin becomes like his had been when I gave into his game in the woods. It became one of triumph.

Victory.

Because it was him after all, that had shown me the lessons of the wolves. The art of the hunt.

To corner your prey, look for its weakness- watch and wait for that moment of vulnerability to show.

And go for the kill.

I press my lips to his, feeling his whole body go rigid. Slowly I move my mouth. And to my delight- he starts to move with me.

It’s clumsy. It’s hesitant. And it’s sweet.

I press harder against him, earning a gasp to escape out of his lips.

I find his hands, guiding them to my waist, giving him permission to feel and touch. His grip is soft and gentle.

I don’t know what he is feeling in the moment, but for me- I was burning alive. It was like I had been placed in a desert with the temptation of water just miles ahead of me, yet too far to reach. I wanted more, but I couldn’t have it.

My body is reckless with its desire. I didn’t even realize how much I had been holding back. I had desired him since I laid eyes on this wild male. The feel of his beard, scratching against my skin, his hands gripping my waist, his lips slowly moving along mine.

More.

My hips begin to roll against him. A strangled noise leaves Orion as he suddenly pulls back.

“Wait,” we both are panting against each other. My hands are curled into the collar of his shirt, ruining the fabric- but I didn’t care.

“Soraya I don’t know what...” Orion looks away. It hits me then how selfish my behavior is.

He wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t giving him time.

“I...I just...” I struggle to find the right words, “I didn’t mean to go that fast. I...I just want you...” the rawness scrapes against my throat as I reveal how much I had been craving him. He turns back to look down at me, his face unreadable.

Suddenly I’m off him, a small yell leaving me when he lifts me from his lap. The covers surround me as I’m dropped abruptly onto the bed.

“Fine.”

“What?”

I look up in bewilderment, my confusion stopped to watch as he crawls toward me, a predatory gleam within his eyes.

“Orion...” I back away, hitting the headboard of the bed just as he pulls himself above me, his arms and legs blocking me in. The roles have been reversed.

“Teach me.”

A ringing noise fills my ears as heat collects everywhere in my body.

“Are you sure?” I whisper.

In response to my question, his rises to his knees, pulling his shirt off and tossing the material behind.