Yuvaani
I woke up a bit later than usual today, and hence, it led to a late in every damn thing! Late brush, late breakfast, late everything! I hate being late!! I quickly did my morning routine and stepped out of the bedroom and made my way towards the living room where Papa was reading the newspaper, Maa was in the kitchen and Aarush was feeding the kids. I quickly made my way towards the kitchen and helped Maa with breakfast.
"Beta, it's already done, you just have breakfast with us" Maa said when I looked around to help her with something.
"Sorry Maa- woh- I woke up late-"
"There's nothing to be sorry about, sometimes I too wake up late. Good thing is, you are not rushing for office, otherwise it would be an issue if you were late"
"Yeah. Oh, office! I'll make his lunch!" I said as I almost forgot that I have to make him lunch.
"He didn't tell you?" Maa asked me with an unbelievable expression.
"What?"
"Nawabzaade ne office chhod diya" she said. And by her expression I can surely tell she's not happy with this. It felt more like a taunt too. I didn't say anything.
[ Sir resigned from his office ]
"I'll take breakfast to the table" I uttered to which she nodded and took water for everyone.
So, everyone settled around the dinner table for breakfast. I took Ansh over my laps as he was following me since he saw me in the morning.
"Mumma" he chirped and milk was oozing out of his mouth. I was about to clean it but Aarush had the napkin so he did. "Yes baby, good morning" I wished him and kissed his cheeks.
"Moing" he wished me back.
"Arre waah, my baby knows how to say morning, good job baby" I kissed him again.
"Moing moing" he repeated after me and he stood on my laps as he wanted to see what was on my plate, I held him firmly. He leaned rigorously towards my plate and wanted to grab paratha from my plate! Babies means mischief.
"Wait. I'll give you. Don't get your hands dirty" I suggested to him and then he took a turn and held my face. Perfect opportunity. I grabbed a mini bite of my paratha and put it in his mouth. As he has teeth now, he chewed. I think he likes it. That's when he spitted his bite on Aarush.
Omg.
He wore a white t-shirt, firstly.
Secondly, he was about to take his first bite and this happened.
I quickly took Priyansh's bite off his tee and placed it on the side of my plate. "You shouldn't do this" I told Priyansh and he leaned on Aarush's shoulder to give him a kiss.
Kids are so unpredictable.
"What are you trying to do now, any plans?" Papa asked, looking straight at Aarush.
"Yeah, I'm working on it. Will let you know if it's done"
"Firstly, Aarush. You need to do this earlier, when you are working. You should just implement it now. Financially it may be challenging now"
"Don't worry, Papa. I'll take care of everything"
I nudged him sideways and gained his attention.
You left your job? I mouthed him to which he just simply nodded.
But why? I mouthed him again
Will tell you after breakfast he mouthed me and continued with his breakfast. I looked at him unknowingly. Whenever I back off, he gives me another reason to take a step towards him. I find contentment when I know he's near me, with me. It's just that- I'm hurt-
But, he's hurt too. Possibly more than you.
He lost his love, and still he's a rock for his family. He didn't let them shatter. He's a rock for his kids. He's possibly more hurt than you. You haven't lost anyone in your life, he did. You haven't lost your love, he did. Still, he's with you, for you, by your side. He cared for you even when you shut him off for a week. Probably he's more hurt than you.
I- I'm doing all wrong? I'm hurt that's why- I want him to go through the same thing? How- I was never like this. I never wanted to hurt others. Not especially if I love them. I know I love you, Aarush. But you not loving me back got me off- I am sorry. Was I too hard on him? He too needs time and I'm already giving him a hard time. Can't we just- heal together?
My gaze continuously lingered on him and maybe he felt my gaze as he looked in my direction. "Eat," he said. And I gazed back to my plate. Ansh was now silently sitting on my lap, playing with my left hand that held him.
Will you forgive me baby? Knowing that I wanted to hurt your dad, because I got hurt by him?
Ansh simply grabbed my thumb and began biting it. His bites were not that strong but I was about to stop him, I heard a voice "Why are you so mischievous today? Do you want punishment?" Ansh eyes' shit up to his father and grinned.
"I don't think he'll let you finish your meal" Aarush voiced out his concerns.
"Give him to me," Maa said
"No no, it's okay. I'll manage" I said and I stuffed a small bite in Ansh's mouth.
"Khao isse, no spitting" I ordered. And put the same amount of bite in Pihu's mouth too, and I finished my breakfast soon.
[ Eat this ]
_____
We were in our room and decided to bathe kids. So we were removing their clothes. "Why did you leave your job? And why didn't you tell me about this? I just went for a week and this happened?" I voiced out my concerns, unable to predict what might have happened in my absence.
"Umm, it's nothing that serious" he began getting Pihu and Ansh in his arms and he wanted to grab their towels but he couldn't, so I did and we headed towards our bathroom.
"Leaving a job is serious" I stated while hooking the towels behind the bathroom door on hooks, and I turned towards him.
"They asked me to do it full time. I mean, I was a full time employee. But there were events in the past year that I had to rush home. Whether it be kids, or Priya's health. Sometimes this home just needed a young man to look after. Everything I can't leave on Maa and Papa na. I'm already grateful to them for looking after my twins in my absence" he replied placing the babies in half filled buckets, as they love to bathe that way and he was applying soap on both, while I just leaned on the wall.
"So, they didn't allow you for any more half days?" I asked.
"Yeah. Can say. But my boss was nice, he allowed me many, in the past year. I'm grateful to him too. But I always compensated it by working overtime whenever I got time"
"Yes, I know that"
"Aarush, I trust your decisions. I just wanted to make sure that this decision wasn't impulsive. I just want you to take every decision and measure its pros and cons. Else, you're a man, you know everything better about you and your family"
"Yes, it wasn't impulsive. I looked after everything" he spoke while his full attention was on his babies.
How can a man be so dedicated to his family? And how can I even think to hurt him?
The water splashing sound caught my attention. Babies were patting water and it got Aarush wet. There was a small mug in Pihu's bucket. She filled it with water and put it on Aarush.
Kids being kids.
Haha!
"Baby aapko nahana hai, mujhe nahi" he explained in a soft tone as if she understood she showed him his teeth and did it again. This time Aarush held her mug and didn't give it back.
[Baby, you have to bath, not me]
I can see her chin wobbling and yeah! She cried. Listening to her , Priyansh shot his head to her and tried to hit her, but Aarush saved her by engulfing her in his arms.
"Papa ko bhigane me maza aata hai aapko?" He asked her but her full attention was on crying.
[ You enjoy putting mugs of water on dad? ]
"Don't make my princess cry, Papa" I said and placed her back in the bucket and gave her the mug. She again put mug of water of Aarush's hair, this time I giggled openly.
"Take this also, papa ko nehla hi dete hai" I offered soap to Pihu, while Ansh was busy swirling the water and making water tornado in the bucket next to him
[Let's bath papa too]
Pihu grabbed the soap and it slipped from her small hands. "Wait, on your behalf I'll do the honors' ' I said and applied soap on my palm and put it on Aarush's cheeks. A second later, I realized what I did.
Dear earth, please swallow me.
"Wait, now why should you be the all clean one? Have this too" he said in mischief and he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him slightly, and he applied soap later on my cheeks
"Aarush, I had a bath already!" I said while trying to escape this hold. Excitement rushed in my blood and I wanted to enjoy the moment. He splashed some of the water on me making my clothes wet.
"Aarush!!" I was too, in for the fight. I grabbed Pihu's mug and poured the whole mug on him. But he caught my hands after doing so. You snooze you lose, haha!
My eyes met him and there was an unknown excitement growing in my stomach. It was new. Rare. But it felt good. His eyes- I'll be lying if I didn't love them. His eyes are always so deep, so talkative and comforting. His eyes held emotions that I can't pinpoint.
Our babies voices brought us back and he cleaned the lather on his face and till that time I took them out of buckets as they were done bathing.
"Mumma cor" Ansh said as I picked him.
"Yes yes, we'll play with cars baby, abhi kapde pehenenge" I told him. Aarush too wrapped a towel around Pihu and brought her in room.
[ First, we'll wear clothes]
"Pap- pap- pa" it was Pihu. Omg, I love this girl already!! She's so cute and she's such a daddy's girl.
Soon, we were done with it and I fed them lunch and put them to sleep after a bit of playing session. Till the time Aarush worked in a corner of our room, analyzing God knows what. But he seemed dedicated and I can sense his unwavering commitment to his work.
As the evening approached, to my surprise Aarush asked if we could go out for a stroll or something. I agreed. We soon went to the beach with our kids for the sunset.
We got there by car and strolled a bit. It was so refreshing. The wet and cold sand beneath my feet and frequent waves hitting. Peace. Also the sound of waves hitting our feet while walking was mesmerizing. I could hear it all night.
"Um, let's sit somewhere?" He suggested.
"Okay" I agreed and we sat a bit far away from the waves.
We both faced the sun and had a kid on our lap. For sure, Aarush had Pihu on lap and I had Ansh. But Ansh hugged me back and he was so dizzy. I patted him lightly hoping he would get some sleep. While Pihu was all awake and was drinking milk from a bottle that Aarush held. She was looking at the sunset and the people around. New environment for her, she's gazing all around. I'm happy that she's not cranky.
"Aarush.." I wanted to kill the silence and talk to him. I felt awkward for a moment but that awkwardness subsided when he turned his attention towards me.
"I'm sorry" I genuinely am. I was such a bitch who wanted you to experience the hurt which I went through.
"Don't be, Vaani. But why are you sorry?"
Trust me, adding names in conversation brings more alertness to our consciousness. Also, who doesn't want to be attended by our spouse. Plus, when your feelings are struck on him.
"For behaving rudely. I am genuinely sorry for the mess. I didn't- I mean, I was mean and rude. I'm sorry. That's all I can say-" because that's all I can utter. My throat formed invisible lumps in it as I spoke. Guilt. I'm sorry, Aarush. I just hope I maintain myself well here.
"It's okay. You're human too. At least those emotions came out." He spoke and we shared a moment of silence.
"You know, my therapist taught me that emotions need to be necessarily addressed. No matter how they are. Just sit and think about them. Give time to your emotions. And you gave, I think"
"Yes"
"Now things will get better, as we are letting go of the emotional turmoil that was eating us alive" he turned his eyes to me, looking directly in mine, making my heart flutter.
"But, I'm sorry" I voiced again.
"It's okay" he forgave me with a smile.
And how can someone not fall for him? He's so handsome and emotionally mature. He's intelligent. He knows when what to do, when what to say. He has perfect timing.
He looked back again to the sun, which looked like half immersed in water, and I followed his gaze too. I couldn't help but feel gratitude for him. He forgave me, and he treats it like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't make an issue out of it, like other men.
My heart was overwhelmed and I leaned my head on his shoulder. Closing my eyes, feeling the need of the moment. He too titled his head to touch mine.
That touch said I'm here. You're not alone. We're in this together.
Nothing is permanent in this world. What we have is, the present moment. And at this moment, I was content. Satisfied. Happy.