Aarush
Since the moment I returned home from the office I've been observing her running in every corner of the house, especially the kitchen!
"Aarush, is it done?" She delivered her high pitched note from the kitchen
"Almost" I said while tying the knot. That's when I saw her appearing in the living room along with a spatula in her hand.
"You're not done yet" she uttered with a disappointed look towards my work and them in my eyes.
"I'm doing na" I said
"Kab tak? Aaj raat tak? Aaj raat tak sab ready chahiye Aarush, do it fast na! There are just three hours left!" she gestured towards the ample of balloons to be blown by me.
[ Till when? Tonight? We need to have everything ready by tonight ]
"I'm doing it!" I said and she again went back to the kitchen. I like how comfortable we grew around each other and I noticed how our conversations went from only serious talks to random talks in just a week. And I like the fact she's opening up to me and she's comfortable around me too.
No doubt, Yuvaani is much more serious and excited about our babies' birthday than me. She had planned every minute detail and Maa and Papa are excited to help too. Currently, she's baking a homemade cake for the 12 am celebration, just like we celebrated Vihaan's birthday. But I know my babies would be dozing off till then, but she isn't listening and I don't want to turn down her efforts for them. I'll wake them up for cake cutting and make them sleep again.
I went to the kitchen to drink water and she was putting the cake in the oven. While drinking water, I noticed her phone rang and she saw it but ignored it. I doubted who it was. Because she never ignores calls. I timidly looked at her cellphone and saw that her mother was calling her. She saw me looking at the phone and I saw directly in her eyes.
"Uh- I'm busy currently- I'll call her later" she said
"Don't worry, I'll say this to her" I told her and took her phone to answer, but she snatched and cut the call instead.
I remembered how her mother asked her to receive her calls but Yuvaani didn't receive a single call from the day she had been married.
"You think I'm not getting this?" I asked her and she looked everywhere but at me.
"We'll talk about this later" she said and continued doing her kitchen chores.
"Are we gonna talk about this? Really?" I asked and she nodded. I guess she needed space so I decided to let it go, and came to the living room.
"Aaru yeh kya hai?Ab tak kiya nahi tumne?" This time it was Maa.
[ What is this? You haven't done yet? ]
"Woh bichara thak ke aaya hai office se aur tum dono usse kaam karao!" here papa spoke, defending me.
"Arre, but-" Maa was about to say something but Papa cut her off saying "He'll do, you go" and he shooed her off, sitting next to me and began helping me.
He cleared his throat and gained my attention. I looked at him while blowing the balloon. "Is everything okay now?" he asked me.
"As in?" I asked, unsure of what he might be pointing at.
"Among you and Vaani?"
"Hmm" I smiled shortly.
"Keep it like that. She looks after every single minute detail, Aaru. Whether it is twins or family, she looks after everything. It's our duty to keep her happy. Especially yours."
"I know, Papa"
"Better if you follow it" I heard him say and I sighed. I know I wasn't giving her a 'rainbows and butterflies' married life, but I am practicing to be better.
"I know. Priya-"
"Papa. Let this topic be. Please"
"We never spoke about it, Aarush. We should. I want to, I need to" he said. What's the need of speaking about it?
"What is it?" I said I was irritated.
"Make peace with your past, and don't let it affect your present and ruin your future," he said.
"What are you even saying? Are you asking me to forget her?"
He smiled and answered "We can never forget the one, who has given everything to us. She's the biological mother of your kids, Aaru. How can we even forget her?"
"Then? What are you asking me to do?"
"Aaru, you are well aware of the fact that to make a building, we have to create a strong foundation. You cannot forget her, I know that. And trust me, she isn't the person to be forgotten either. We know what a pure soul she was. But beta, Yuvaani ke saath aage khushi se rehne ke liye tumhe uss dard ko chodna hoga. Don't hold that pain in your heart for so long, share with her, in turn let her share her pains with you. Usko tumhara point of view batao ki tumne past mein aise kyu react kiya, explain your emotions to her, in turn listen to her as well. When you are committed to your partner, you should accept their negatives and work on it with them. And I know she'll always be ready to stand by you. But the thing is, you should too. Focus on minute details, be friends''
"Hmm" I just hummed and sped up my work and left from there. I went to my bedroom and I know I'll have to wake them up in some time. I went to the wall which consists of our family photos.
I stood in front of my Pri's photo frame.
You know? Our babies are turning one now. And I knew how desperately I wanted to nurture our kids with you. I wanted to make little cute memories of our family. You, me, Priyansh and Pihu. All four of us. I even imagined that they're going to school and you'll be making lunch boxes for them and I'll be the one who gets them ready. We had decided to switch our jobs every other day. I dreamt of growing old with you. I dreamt every single thing.
My vision started blurring and I quickly wiped my tears.
I know I love you. You know that too. But Pri- then what is this feeling with her? Whenever she takes care of Ansh or Pihu, I want to look at her more. When I hear from Maa, Papa or Do that she's good to our twins, I feel good. Whenever she prioritizes our family before her, my heart melts. Why? Am I betraying you Pri? I ain't a good husband, I know. But- but- what will my kids think when they grow up? Their father was a cheater? He was a lier? They'll think I never loved you, that's why I married her. I want to be a good figure for them, Pri. At least for them! They should proudly say that yes, this is my father. And I love my dad. Will they ever say it on their own?
Thinking of another woman, I thought I was cheating on you. But, it doesn't feel bad with her. She takes things so easy, Pri. I don't know why can't I? I don't want to be labeled as a cheater! What should I do?
Thinking of me being a cheater, my heart gripped in a fist beating through its walls. I don't know what's happening to me-
"Aar-" I heard Yuvaani getting inside the room and it blurred everything for me again! I saw her coming closer to me and making me sit on the bed.
"What happened? You're not okay!!" She said, wiping my tears and sitting next to me. I couldn't comprehend anything, I could feel my heart beating faster and I felt shortness of breath.
"Aarush??" she panicked.
"Panic attack?? Aarush, talk to me!" she said and still, my words died in my mouth and I couldn't speak anything.
"I-I'm n-not a ch-cheat-" That's what I was able to say. I closed my eyes and I felt her warmth radiating in me. I partially opened my eyes and breathing heavily, it felt like I lost all my senses!
"What-" I managed to say and she ran to the nightstand to grab the bottle of water and made me drink it. She caressed my back for a while and it helped me calming myself down. Within next few minutes, I was normal.
"Want to talk about it?" she asked and I shook my head negatively.
"Okay" she said. I felt her wrapping her arms around my torso and keeping her head on my shoulders and caressing my back lightly.
"It's okay," she murmured, affirming me. And honestly, it did feel better now.
"I'm okay now" I said and she nodded and detached herself from me.
Soon, we had our dinner and I timely felt her eyes on me. She had a concerned look over her face and it didn't take a minute longer to guess the reason. I was silent throughout as I didn't want to make it obvious to my parents what I was going through.
It was fifteen minutes to twelve and she woke the kids up and brought them to the living room and gave them to me. They looked at me with doe eyes, the same as that of Pri.
I'm missing her so much today!
I wish you were here, with us, with your own kids.
I leaned and kissed them both turn by turn. Today, it felt a deeper meaning holding them in my hands. A new side of life, that I was probably missing out before. These two babies kept me alive in my darkest phase of my life, and it's their day today. I would dedicate my life to you both. I love you both, equally. I would never be partial. I promise. I will keep you happy, babies. I snuggled into their warmth and Priyansh spitted out milk. I calmly wiped him and made him sit straight.
Pihu was holding my shoulder as a support and standing, looking at me. I kissed her lightly and she launched herself on me. I love her.
"Cake cut karenge, aajao baccho'' Yuvaani said in her childish tone and she successfully caught kids' attention. They looked at her and she kept the cake in front of them on the table and Maa came out of the kitchen with Aarti.
First Maa did the aarti as Ansh wasn't leaving Yuvaani. Then Yuvaani did aarti by making Ansh forcefully sit on my lap. He tried slipping away, but he failed and began crying. She quickly completed the aarti and took him in her hold. Followed by the happy birthday song, we cut the cake and fed the babies first, and then each other.
Soon retiring to our rooms, I asked her to follow me. I held Pihu and she held Priyansh. We stood before Priya's full picture and I touched her feet in the picture and then kept hand on my babies' heads. How can they not take her blessings? And then I myself kept my hands on both their heads and said "sada sukhi raho" and I asked Yuvaani to repeat the same. She kissed them and put them to sleep as it was late for them.
Finally after a whole one hour of effort they slept and it was our turn to sleep. I switched off the light and took the comforter on me, whereas she was already in the comforter.
"Aarush" she whispered slowly
"Hmm?" I attended her with closed eyes
"I think we should go for therapy tomorrow" her words made me open my eyes.
"For?"
"That panic attack," she said timidly.
"It's not that serious. It's normal"
"Of course, it's not. You too know it's not normal. Please take care of yourself, Aarush. What will I do if anything happens to you?"
"Nothing is going to happen, you sleep"
"We're going tomorrow"
"We aren't"
I felt her sitting on the bed and looking at me.
"Trust me, it's normal. It's okay. You sleep, tomorrow is their birthday. Don't worry about me" I said and turned myself to the other side.