when the door to the break room came into sight, her steps naturally took pace. she wanted to empty her stomach that started out as a nauseous feeling earlier. she should probably pour cold water on her face and rest for a while.
as she held the handle with her pale hands and turned it, the sunlight that filled the spacious space blinded her. walking one step at a time into the room and immersing herself in white silence, she let out a ridiculous laugh.
after a long timeâ¦
ââ¦aven has left,â she whispered to herself. âhe promised he wouldnât leave.â
when she left the imperial palace and locked herself in d-arc, seira suffered from nightmares every single day. sometimes when aven found her like that and woke her up, sheâd grab and beg him.
âyouâre not leaving me, are you? youâre not going to betray me, are you?â
each time, he gave her a firm answer. that heâd stand by her side until he died.
but he chose to leave her. now seira had to leave aven at the palace and return to askan alone.
âahâ¦â
her tears welled up in the cold sunlight.
how could he have turned his back on her? how trustworthy she must have been. how ugly she mustâve looked.
âbut aven, this was my best.â
she had to admit, if she could turn back time, she wasnât sure if sheâd made a different choice. that it would all come to pass.
instead of emptying her stomach, seira let go of her sadness. she couldnât cry in the imperial palace as if she had lost her own blood, so she had to hold down her breath to drown her pain. seira swallowed her sorrows.
her cheeks were all wet, but there was no one to wipe them or console her. if she were in the duchym, even the spirit of nathan wouldâve stood by her, but she was in the imperial palace full of people who had her as their target.
even though she didnât want to believe that she was all alone again, she was already convinced and resigned to the idea.
she didnât leave the palace in the first place expecting someoneâs help. sheâd been ready to walk through the night, set out with determination to no return.
she decided to take seven years of help from what she originally had to do on her own. to aven, who came into her life like a miracle.
it was a great favor and something she was thankful for. even so, he was rather fortunate to get out of this hell. may he be rewarded for the years he didnât enjoy anything. she genuinely hoped that he could enjoy the most glorious position.
seira had to let him go. if she wanted to continue with the smallest ties with him, she had to.
after clearing her face of the traces of her meltdown, seira returned to the conference room with enough calmness in her heart.
then, she headed straight to aven. those who remained around him stepped back, looking at each other.
âyour highness, the crown prince.â
at her call, aven turned slowly. perhaps the status he recently regained was awkward, and his reaction was rigid.
âit hasnât been officially appointed yetâ¦â he answered with a voice that held back something from her.
seira looked at him quietly. dressed up in expensive things, he was like a different person. to the point where their once most intimate relationship felt like a dream.
she kept choking up at his more beautiful and wonderful appearance. maybe it was because she was more conscious of her feelings for him now more than ever.
âwhy didnât you call a little earlier?â
seira tried her best to smile broadly.
âcongratulations on your return to the palace.â
his eyes toward her, instead of shining with joy, seemed to be dying. however, seira thought that she was only probably seeing what she wanted to believe.
ââ¦thank you.â
âand there was something i really wanted to sayâ¦â
seira paused for a moment, and tried to swallow her emotions.
âthank you for all this time. i hope that someday⦠i could pay you back.â
as if by reflex, avenâs mouth opened and closed as if conflicted on what to say. after greeting him with a slight bend of her knee, chewing her lips and dropping her gaze, seira turned around.
fortunately, her calmness seemed to be convincing by the looks of surprise in the dozens of pairs of eyes. calrad, who was watching her closely as she returned to his seat, asked.
âdid you know? you donât seem very surprised.â
âno, i didnât.â
âthen?â
âitâs a good thing.â
seira replied with a sweet smile on her lips, as usual, scratching calradâs insides.
âwouldnât it be such a waste if an outstanding and dedicated man was tied to the narrow fence of askan?â
âyes, you are right. itâs a very good thing.â
aven stood there the same way he always had. as if he couldnât hear the voices of the nobles talking to him, he still kept his mouth shut and dropped his gaze somewhere on the floor.
then at one point, he looked up at seira. sitting on the throne originally made for the empress.
seiraâs eyes widened as she discovered a fragment of emotion that briefly passed in his eyes.
aven, who turned quickly around, sat down in a new seat prepared for him, and soon the meeting continued. however, seira couldnât concentrate on what was discussed.
âi must have seen it wrongâ¦?â
wasnât it strange? having never said that he wanted her in all those years together, he looked at her then with eyes full of desire.
it was clearly an illusion caused by her selfishness, which couldnât easily let him go.